I Love You Dad
Posted by ListenToLeon on
April 9, 2008
On Thursday, my father committed suicide. I never thought I’d ever have to say those words, let alone type them on my website. Unfortunately, this was impossible to forsee, and has come as a shock to everyone who has ever known him. As I’ve had to make arrangements with the family, it’s allowed me to re-trace a lot of his steps, as well as gain insight into a lot of the pain and depression he was battling in his final days, which he hid quite well from the rest of the world. Still, some questions will forever remain unanswered.
I know that was a depressing way to start an entry on a humor site, so I’ll tell a funny Dad story. I put the story of the sex talk that he gave me up here awhile back, but this time I’m going to tell a more recent one. One that even he laughed at towards the final month of his life.
Dad called me back in late-January or early February, asking me to come stay at his place on a Tuesday so I could help him out with something on a Wednesday morning. I had time to do it, so I agreed without asking questions. He had reached out to me and my younger sister a lot at that point in time, trying to make things right since he’d always been in and out of our lives. For that reason, I thought this was just some sentimental stuff and didn’t pay it any mind.
So I catch up to Dad, and we start heading out to Hollywood, MD. Before I go any further, let me just say this: Hollywood Maryland is nothing like the Hollywood where movies are made. Hollywood MD is the Hollywood where deer stroll through your front yard and look at you like you owe them rent money. I’m talking The Sticks. I think I saw a grizzly bear cub sitting on the side of the road chewing snuff and playing a banjo, with a bottle of moonshine next to him.
On the way to Dad’s house, he said to me “I need you to come to court with me tomorrow. I got a DUI and I might need you to drive me back home if they take away my license.”
I said “I’ll do it, but you didn’t have to be sneaky about getting me up here. How you ‘gon wait ’till I’m 20 miles from civilization to ask me that? I would have said ‘yes’ back when we were near stoplights and human beings and sh*t.”
We laughed about it, and that next morning, I had jokes. I greeted him, saying “Come on Paris Hilton! We gotta go to court. Alright Nicole Richie…Britney Spears…”
It’s for this reason, I think he didn’t want me to come into the courtroom to hear what the judge had to say to him. He had me wait outside the courtroom in the jeep. I had no problem with this, until I remembered that the breathalyzer thing that his lawyer recommended he get in the vehicle goes off randomly while the engine is running. So of course, while I’m outside waiting, the thing starts beeping, which meant I had to breathe into it. I wasn’t looking forward to that, because my pops was a chain-smoker. I don’t like kissing women who smoke, let alone putting my lips around anything that belongs to a dude who smokes…
…wait a minute…That last sentence came out sounding gay as Hell. Y’all know what I meant, sh*t.
I tried blowing into that nasty-assed breath machine, but the error button kept coming on. I was breating into that thing so hard that veins were bulging out in my forehead and neck. Finally, I called Dad when he was inside, and he explained that you actually have to make a sound when you blow in order for it to work right. Once I got it working, I said “f*ck it” and cut off the jeep with no heat or or radio.
So as I’m sitting in the jeep, trying to hang on to all remaining warmth, I notice that almost every woman that walked by me was giving me the eye and smiling. At first, I thought to myself “Why?” Then I realized that to them, I was a step up. I took a shower and ironed my clothes. Almost every other guy at the courthouse looked raggedy and smelled like nicotine and hard-living.
Besides, I can’t mess with any women I meet at the courthouse. Best-case scenario, I meet someone who is trying to get her child-support money. Worst case-scenario, she’s a violent felon. Either way, it’s a problem. I can’t have her trying to set the mood wearing sexy lingerie, perfume, high-heels and a house arrest anklet. I might accidentally laugh or something. Luckily, Dad came out of the courtroom in time before the one who was trying to flag me over to her car built up enough nerve to attempt walking over to where I was.
I have been going back and forth for days now, deciding whether to press “publish” and let the world know what I’ve been going through. I ultimately decided that putting something up here is the right thing to do, because there might be someone else out there who needs to see it. Maybe another person is experiencing the emotions that my family is dealing with right now.
I can’t accurately put all of my feelings into words, but when I first got the phone call saying Dad killed himself, I experienced a feeling of disbelief. Almost as if Dad were pulling off some kind of elaborate scam since I know he had some troubles lately. Then as I got more details, I felt angry and betrayed because I just spoke to him the day before and he said everything was fine, then started making sure things were still going great for me. It wasn’t until I had to start informing relatives that I felt the sadness and despair. The sound of the shrieking cry that my Mother let out upon hearing the news is one that I’ll never forget. Then, I had to go from telling her, to calling my uncle to let him know that his only remaining brother was dead. The worst part came from letting my sister know, since I physically saw her reaction, and I could understand it since we both held out hope that maybe one day my father and her would have a closer relationship.
If anyone out there reading this was ever considering suicide, I really hope that you pay attention to the last part that I wrote and consider how it affects the people that you leave behind. The folks who are in your corner, but the pain, bruised pride or lingering depression may have caused you to lose sight of. Talk to someone about your problems, whether it’s a doctor, a spiritual counselor, or even just someone you know who is living positive. Hell, you can even contact me if you want, and I’ll listen to you. Just don’t let stuff build up to the point where it leads to irrational or self-destructive actions. You’d be surprised just how powerful getting things off your chest can be. That, and prayer have been what’s allowed me to be strong in the midst of all of this.
I definitely want to thank my family and friends for all of the incredible support I’ve gotten during this difficult time. There are no words to describe how much it means to me. The funeral is Saturday morning at 11:00 a.m. If anyone wants to send flowers, cards or letters, the funeral home information is below. You can address it to “Leon Scott” since my father and I shared the name…But don’t call me junior! If any of you calls me “Junior” trying to be funny, I’ll drop-kick you in the kidneys and make you pee on yourself.
A.L. Bennett & Son Funeral Home, Inc
200 Butternut Drive
Fredericksburg, VA 22408
(540)898-7970
I love you, Dad.
136 Responses to “I Love You Dad”
I love you baby and my heart goes out to you and your sis. I’ll be present on Saturday morning. U know ur my fam.
By The Common Share on Apr 9, 2008
*HUG* I don’t even know what to say. There are few words that give comfort in the most normal of circumstances. I hurt for you and your family that you have to deal with both your father’s passing and the manner in which it occured. Please know that you all are in my prayers.
By BigBrwnEyez on Apr 9, 2008
I know there are absolutely no words for this tragic moment in your life. All my love to you, Leigh, and the rest of your family. I’m glad you shared with us. See you Saturday baby.
By natalie on Apr 9, 2008
I am so sorry for your loss. I very rarely comment, but I had to today. Take care of you and your family.
By Nikita on Apr 9, 2008
Thank you to everyone for the kind words its greatly appreciated.
Thats a nice picture that I have never seen before.
By Leigh on Apr 9, 2008
Hey Leigh, much love to you and your family. If there is anything you need or if u just need someone to talk to, you know ur Common Share family and I will always lend you a shoulder and have your back. You and your brother are always on my mind and in my heart. See u Saturday.
By The Common Share on Apr 9, 2008
Thanks..see you saturday
By Leigh on Apr 9, 2008
I came in here to get a laugh. This really touched me because I recently lost an aunt and a cousin a week apart. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
By DCGyrl on Apr 9, 2008
As and avid online reader of your blog I hardly know you but when I read your post today I felt an ache in my heart . I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God Bless
By @ster on Apr 9, 2008
I’m glad you chose to share this with everyone. I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to. But know that you’ve helped quite a few people out with this story. It definitely touched me.
My prayers are with you and your family. Remember I’m here for you if you need me.
By kayellejaye on Apr 9, 2008
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this tragic time. So sorry for your loss.
By leoninatl on Apr 9, 2008
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
By Shannon on Apr 9, 2008
Man, this is so messed up, I’d probably be Way more angry than you. I couldn’t imagine someone I love so much just leaving me by choice one day with no sign of it coming.
Stay strong man, it will take some time to get over this. I’m sorry
By Virgle Kent on Apr 9, 2008
Leon and Leigh, i am so sorry for your loss. See you staurday.
By Diva527 on Apr 9, 2008
I don’t know what to say. Everything that i can think of seems trite and inadequate. My heart is aching for you and your family.
By Nikiloveli on Apr 9, 2008
I am a regular reader, but never comment. Today, however, would be a day I couldn’t just read & walk away. Sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences to you & your family. I will send a prayer up for you & the fam, as well.
By katrina on Apr 9, 2008
I’m so, so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your sister.
By nicole on Apr 9, 2008
My thoughts, embrace, concern, deepest prayers that I am absolutely capable of, my faith, empathy, my love…ALL with you.
By Kristy on Apr 9, 2008
Leon,
My condolences to you and your family. I think it speaks volumes that in this difficult time, you are still thinking of others and how you may help them.
By Vahostage on Apr 9, 2008
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. I’m sure it was hard to share your story, but I hope that it helped you during this grieving process. Again, my condolences…
By Rum Punch on Apr 9, 2008
Condolences to you and your family. I lost my father early on and it wasnt a suicide but I know the feeling of a loss.
By Jon504 on Apr 9, 2008
Oh Leon, I’m so very sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are definitely in my prayers. Thank you for being strong enough to share what you’re going through; I’m sure it will help someone. My condolences.
By ALove on Apr 9, 2008
God Bless and You are most Definetly in my prayers.
By Crystal S. on Apr 9, 2008
God Bless you from all of us at RPMB! You and your family are in all of our prayers Leon
By Supastar on Apr 9, 2008
Len and Leigh…I am so very sorry. Anything you need, please let me know. I will see you both on Sat.
By Alesha on Apr 9, 2008
Leon,
My prayers and thoughts are with you in this difficult time.
By AverageBro.com on Apr 9, 2008
Man, I’m truly sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. I usually stop past your blog for a couple of laughs and roll out, but with this entry, I had to leave a message. May God give you and your family the strength to get through your time in need. I know it may be hard losing a parent (b/c I lost my mother at 21) but try to embrace in the fact that he is longer going through his personal trials and tribulations and is now free from his pain.
May peace be with you my brethren.
By Toney22 on Apr 9, 2008
I am also a regular reader who never comments, but I felt the need to comment on this post today. I just wanted to know your story makes my heart ache and this is an issue that touches close to home with me, so I wanted to applaud you for putting it out there because I really do think words are powerful, and you never know who will be empowered by this post today. In putting yourself out there like this, you have helped others in your own special way. God bless you and your family. It feels almost contrived to say, but my heart really does ache for the pain you all are experiencing. You are all in my prayers.
By Tracy-ann on Apr 9, 2008
Condolences on the loss of your father. It took a great deal of courage to discuss the matter with the entire world. My prayers are with you and your family and as I’ve said before, feel free to give me a holla anytime.
God Bless.
By G. Mo on Apr 9, 2008
I don’t comment much, but I am sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family at this time.
May God bless each of u at this time.
By Khalilah on Apr 9, 2008
Sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in all our prayers.
By That Dude on Apr 9, 2008
Brother,
Just found your blog and was blown away by the power of your sharing. There is nothing more healing than honesty. My sincerest condolences to you and yours, particularly your sister.
By coumbabang@hotmail.Com on Apr 9, 2008
I will pray for you and your family.
By Jabari Talib on Apr 9, 2008
Wow. I am very sorry to hear what happened. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. It is definitely a very strong thing for you to be able to post this.
By E.Jay on Apr 9, 2008
Hey sweetie! Sorry I’m not in D.C. to give you a big hug! You’re in my prayers and thoughts. If you need anything…. get at me.
*hugz!*
By Kryssy on Apr 9, 2008
**KISSESS**
So sorry to hear that!!!!!
By V Renee on Apr 9, 2008
Leon — deepest condolences to you and your family.
– Joe
By joelogon on Apr 9, 2008
My deepest sympathy and heartfelt prayers go out to you and yours.
-a regular reader and fan
By Leon-fan on Apr 9, 2008
Leon, there are no words that can express the sorrow I feel for you…someone I have never met, or even talked to. But I hope you know that there area many people out here in Blogland that REALLY care and want to give you our most sincere condolences and hope for the easment of you and your family’s sorrow and pain in this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care — Robyn
By robyn on Apr 9, 2008
Leon,
My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I commend your courage and can see where you got your sense of humor. Your story is also a lesson in forgiveness as it made me consider my own barely nonexistent relationship with my father. May God’s love and comfort continue to surround you and your family.
Leon Scott, Sr., rest peacefully.
By WonderLove on Apr 9, 2008
I’m so sorry for you and your family. I can not imagine what you’re going through, I fully sympathize. I sure your father is in a better place and that with time you and your family will heal.
I also want to add that you’re an amazing writer. Your post was quite inspiring, you’ve touched a lot of people with your gift. It was remarkable of you to reach out to other people, in your time of sorrow.
God bless
By BayBB on Apr 9, 2008
So sorry to read this. My prayers are with you and your family.
By Bridal Bird on Apr 9, 2008
AWW LEON! This reminds me of one of those soo real movies on lifetime based on real people {trying to make you smile} But I’m so sorry to hear that your father killed himself.But the way i see it as to him he probably didn’t think of the effect it would have on other.I mean he probably didn’t know for every action their is a reaction. But i hope you find joy and happiness in the times that you did spend with him.Because i too have lost someone near to me.All i say is don’t let the hurt , confusion,and pain consume you.
Peace & Love!
-Lala
By Lala on Apr 9, 2008
My dear Leon, I am so sorry for you and your family’s loss and pain. How kind of you to offer in your post to listen to someone. Give a holler if YOU want to talk. YAP loves you, and we’re thinking of you.
By C-C on Apr 9, 2008
on the slight chance this is not inappropriate and may be helpful to anyone: suicide hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE/1-800-784-2433 or just to talk: 1-800-273-TALK/1-800-273-8255
By C-C on Apr 9, 2008
I am so sorry for your loss, Leon. My heart and prayers go out to you. You know you can call me anytime…
I’m just thinking bout what I said earler on MS…must’ve sounded SO selfish..I’m sorry. I didn’t know. *hugs*
By tiana danielle on Apr 9, 2008
So sorry for your loss…
Even though most of us only know you through your blog, we still consider you family and are here if you need us!
By KaNisa on Apr 9, 2008
Leon, my deepest condolences. This was a brave, touching post. God bless you and your family.
By MightyMe on Apr 9, 2008
Longtime lurker here. Never thought it would be something like this that would bring me out of lurk mode. Not even sure why I was there because I’m not shy!
Anyhow, first I want to echo the sentiments of everyone here and say that my sympathies go out to you and your family. I lost the majority of my family members – including my father- over the years from different causes so I understand that pain. However, suicide is a different kind of pain because it leaves behind so many unanswered questions. Just know that your Dad did love you, but the pain he was obviously in must have just been too much. He’ll always be with you though. I know my family members are watching over me. They have to be with some of the situations I’ve gotten myself into!
I truly appreciate that in your pain you are able to speak out to people that might be having those thoughts and letting them know what they would leave behind. The fact that you were still able to give us humor at a time like this speaks volumes about you as a person – and your strength. Excellent post and I’m glad you hit “publish.”
By Vivrant Thang on Apr 9, 2008
I’m truly sorry for your families’ loss and sorrow. I applaud your courage for exposing something so personal and hurtful for the benefit of others. My prayers are with you and your loved ones.
By Chris on Apr 9, 2008
Oh Leon I’m so sorry. My brother committed suicide in August. I don’t have any words of advice or wisdom but please know how very sorry I am to hear this news. Bless you and your family, and may your father find the peace he didn’t find in this life.
By mary on Apr 9, 2008
I am deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. I’ve been gone for some time, but decided today to make a visit. My heart literally dropped.
I know that it could not have been comfortable talking about this, but I commend you on your bravery because there are people who need to read this. I tried to commit suicide when I was seventeen years old. I thought about how it would hurt my family, but the darkness engulfed me, if that makes sense. If I would have read something like this back then, it probably would have prompted me to reach out to someone.
It’s hard to explain to others the deep pain depression can bring about in a person, but I can say with all honesty that it’s really important to realize that he loved you very much, and it didn’t have anything to do with how he felt about you or your family.
By Audriene on Apr 9, 2008
leon,
i know how difficult it must have been to write this last post but i hope it was also comforting remembering good times. i continue to pray that you and your family will find peace during this time.
your cali girl, tash
By tash on Apr 10, 2008
God Bless you man, my family and I will keep you in our prayers.
By Mr Brem on Apr 10, 2008
I am truly sorry for your loss. It’s amazing that you decided to share something so personal with the world. The fact that you were thinking of helping others at this time speaks highly of your character. You and your family will be in my prayers. May God bless you all.
By Bored-N-Talkative on Apr 10, 2008
I am truly sorry for your loss, may God bless and sustain you and your family in this time. You know if you need anything get at me brotha.
By Daniel on Apr 10, 2008
Awww Leon babes….I’m so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family in your time of need. Remember even in hard times like these to pray. God hears you and He will help you through.
I’m going to email you my number in case you wanna talk. God bless you and the family sweetie.
By Ms. Butta on Apr 10, 2008
I am sorry for your loss and I will keep you and your family lifted in my prayers. May God continue to comfort you. Be Blessed….
By Victoria Page on Apr 10, 2008
*sends hugs*
I am sorry for you loss, Leon.
By The Jaded NYer on Apr 10, 2008
so sorry to hear about your loss, will keep you and your family in my prayers….
By msdailey on Apr 10, 2008
Wow. Leon, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I will definitely be keeping you and your family in my prayers. I don’t know if you still have my number but if you ever just need to sit on the phone and just talk, I’m here. I’ll be sending flowers. It can’t take away the pain I know you must be feeling but hopefully it will bring you some comfort. Love ya.
-Monie
By Monie on Apr 10, 2008
Leon,
I am truly sorry for your loss, you and your family will continually be in my prayers.
By Desiree A./the walking flower on Apr 10, 2008
Wow, I popped in just to see how you were doing and came across this.
As a post-suicide-attempter, I can only say that I’m sure he loved you very much. These thoughts and actions are generally thought about only during a time of intense pain which blocks your ability to function. You have faith that those you love will be able to manage over time and hope that they will move on to have the happier life you can’t currently manage.
As a random aside, this reminds me of the one time I tried one of those hotline numbers and (due to a shortage of volunteers) she kept having to put me on hold so she could answer the phone.
A big cyberhug to you,
Jade
By Jadxia on Apr 10, 2008
Leon, This is a poem written by someone I know who also comitted suicide. I hope in this blog and in all you do you find that there are more people than you may know that can help you through the situation. Talking to people is what you need the most and it appears you are doing just that. Glad you clicked the “publish” button because talking about it is the healthy thing to do. If you hadn’t clicked it yet, it would just prolong the pain for you.
–MEMORIES–
Memories keep the one you loved
Close to you in spirit and in thought
Memories keep the one you loved
Forever more near your heart
Memories keep the one you loved
To comfort you as a friend
Memories keep the one you loved
Alive ’till eternities end
By Nicole on Apr 10, 2008
Leon sweetie, I’m so so sorry to hear about your father. You and your family are definitely in my prayers. I will call and check up on you!
Zehara
By Zehara on Apr 10, 2008
Peace be with you.
By crys on Apr 10, 2008
Leon.
My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family. I wish I could be there on Saturday to give you my love and support…but it looks like you will have plenty of well wishers there. If you need to talk or need anything at all you know I am here for you.
Love you!
Destynie
By Destynie on Apr 10, 2008
Leon –
I am so sorry to hear this news. Our thoughts at Forum One are with you and those around you.
-TTS
By Tim Shaw on Apr 10, 2008
I came here via Lola (http://lolagetslife.blogspot.com/2008/04/depressing-thoughts.html)
I’ll be honest… I have never read your blog before and I don’t know you or your family.
But I am really sorry.
Blogs have brought us together and bind us in ways that can never really be explained.
I cannot imagine what you are going through but thank you for sharing this painful experience. Thinking of you…
By deviousdiva on Apr 10, 2008
Longtime lurker, first time commenting… May God continue to bless and keep your family. Hopefully, by sharing your story someone else will think twice and reach out to someone for help. Hang in there and keep your head up!!
By ClassyCoolChic on Apr 10, 2008
Cool Breeze…back in the day…let’s say 3 years ago…I had a mad crush on you…as DL says… a man that can make a woman laugh can get much ass…
But today…I admire you for something totally different. You shared your story. You shared your pain.
For you and your family…I pray. Clairty in these situations is sometimes hard to grasp…but I pray you all find some peace.
By Blah Blah Blah on Apr 10, 2008
Hi Leon,
It was a pleasure meeting you today in NCLR’s cafeteria- thank you for sharing your website and, with it, the very personal and unfortunate news. I admire your openness to even strangers in the hope of preventing future suicides.
I wish you and your family peace and healing,
Xandi
By Xandi on Apr 10, 2008
I am so sorry for your lost and I understand the pain, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers for healing.
By Passion on Apr 10, 2008
Leon,
Like many folks, I’m an avid reader, but rarely comment. You are a strong and brave man to have the courage to share this with your readers. I truly admire your strength. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. May God continue to BLESS and keep you all.
Tamara
By Lady T on Apr 10, 2008
Leon,
You’ve done something great in the face of adversity by writing about this. You and your family are in my prayers. May God help you through your journey of healing.
-M
By marlene on Apr 10, 2008
Leon, I’m sorry about your loss. I hope that your sharing this will help others that are struggling with this.
By homeimprovementninja on Apr 10, 2008
Hey Leon, my sincere condolences on your loss. I, too, lurk and never comment, but really wanted to let you know how much support you have out here. Stay strong.
By SS on Apr 10, 2008
Hey Leon-
I am truly sorry to hear about your dad. While we’ve only met once I read you daily and consider you a ‘friend’ and i am truly heart broken over your lost. You and your family will stay in my prayers.
By Isys on Apr 10, 2008
Leon,
My prayers go out to you and your family. I admire you for putting it all out there and hope that it does touch someone who might find themselves at the brink.
By Sage on Apr 10, 2008
Leon,
I’m a lurker, but avid reader of your blog. My prayers are with you and your family at this time. My brother committed suicide 3 years ago and there are days I forget that he’s not here.
For people considering taking your own life, please seek help and think of the people who love you.
By Bella on Apr 10, 2008
God bless you and your family Leon…your courage to publish your heart can help/heal many. Thank you for sharing your spirit with us during this deeply personal time. Be well and much love.
By B'Write on Apr 10, 2008
I am always reading your blog and usually never comment but I had not been on your site in about a week and grandma told me to read it today. I just want to put my arms around you to help ease your pain. My heart aches for my neice and nephew but at least know in time God heals all wounds. I can honestly say that I tried to commit suicide when I was younger and wished I had someone to talk to to express the way I felt back then. We are hear for you in this time if you need anything just let me know and I will try my best to make it happen. I LOVE YOU BOTH very MUCH!
By angela on Apr 10, 2008
Brother,
I am here for you if you and the fam need anything! I am sure this has touched many and especial those who need to hear how strong you are! You and your family are in my heart and prays!
By Aaron on Apr 10, 2008
Leon,
I hadn’t been on here in days, probably weeks. Everyday I work I say I’ll fall through, and usually put it off to do something else. But today I thought about it, and once I got to the site and saw this entry and not your usual foolery, my heart sunk. Words cannot express how sorry I am to hear this. Losing a parent, I can imagine, is hard enough, to suicide is far worse. I only hope and pray that God keeps you and your loved ones, and that your father is finally at a place where he can find some peace.
Much Love
By caroline on Apr 10, 2008
So sorry about what has happened. Reading that you had to be the one to call your Mom and other family members, I can’t even imagine. I appreciate how you shared a story of your father to show the funny side of your relationship, how close the two of you were that he could call on you for something like that and you would be there for him without judgement, I’m sure meant a lot to him.
I think you know I teach first grade and when I talked to my kids about some famous black Americans for black history month, the first thing they ask is “how did he die or how did she die?” And I asked them “why do you all always ask that?” “This book is about all of the good things he or she did and when you write about him or her, I want you to think about all the good things he or she did, not how they died.” And I’ll leave you with that same thought, while you’re dealing with all this hurt and pain, try to remember all the good things about your father and keep that close to your heart!
And then keep talking, keep sharing, keep laughing and making others laugh!
By Amy on Apr 10, 2008
Leon-
This post broke my heart. I am so sorry to hear about your lost. My prayers and my heart goes out to you and your family. I can’t imagine your pain but God knows and he will give you and your family peace.
It is very brave of you to share your pain. Remember the great times you had with your father. Understand that Gods knows our problems before we even know we have a problem, lean on him for your strength.
By Ms. Devereaux on Apr 10, 2008
Wow yo… I’m really sorry to hear that. I won’t say anything cliche, because I’m sure you’re already tired of hearing that. I’ll just say, be strong for the rest of your family. My mom passed last year from cancer, and though she was battling it for months, I received a call one Friday night that she was in pretty bad shape and she was gone before the next Friday. And THAT seemed sudden to us, but this…. this is different. I pray that you and your loved ones get through these tough times. Know that GOD will never put more on you than you can bear. If you feel weak during those REALLY tough times just call on HIM. We’ve never met, but through this blog, I feel like I know you, and I love you like a brother. If you need ANYTHING, anything at all, you know how to get at me! PEACE
By J-Biggs on Apr 11, 2008
Leon,
I am really sorry to hear about your loss.
My prayers are with you and your family.
By Wambui on Apr 11, 2008
hey leon.
im sorry for your loss. and i know how you feel. ive been going back and forth with my emotions for the past two weeks because a very good friend of mine was killed. i never thought that this would happen and it was so unexpected so believe me when i say i know exactly how you feel i really do. keep your head up and just remember he’s in a better place, thats what i’ve been doing and its hard but it helps.
By des on Apr 11, 2008
Leon, my condolences go out to you and your family. If you need anything dawg, just let me know. I lost my pops some years ago as well, it’s never an easy experience to get over losing a parent. like I said, if you need anything…shots, buck naked hoes doing the tootsie roll in front of your crib, russian acrobats doing the cupid shuffle…anything brotha…let me know.
-TC
By Tommie Collins on Apr 11, 2008
thats tough homie. my prayers are with you. the only consilation if any is that some of our most creative moments come from our most painful moments.
By Cincy on Apr 11, 2008
Dear Leon,
I’d heard your Dad died and sent you a text, but I had no idea the circumstances until now. I commend you on your honesty and bravery to share this with us because you didn’t have to. I’m truly and deeply sorry for your loss. Your father was lucky to have a son like you.
S
By Suni on Apr 11, 2008
Leon give me a call if you need anything, I mean anything. I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t really know what to say due to the shock, but i’ll keep you and your family in my prayers.
i love you
By Resha on Apr 11, 2008
Leon,
Losing a parent is something we never want to experience. I have been there and I still feel it. I miss and need my mama everyday, especially the last few months. But isn’t it wonderful how the Lord blesses and covers you? There are close to 100 people praying for you just based on this blog. You have been blessed…no WE have been blessed to have you touch our lives. Some people may never meet a Leon, we got lucky. The Lord gives us a Champion spirit Leon and we use it in life’s battles…keeping being YOU and we can rock out through anything…well except an Eyebar hangover :-) Remember when Life is bad God is still good. We Love YOU!
Chelsia aka Foxxyredd aka Your Tuesday Night Date lol
By Chelsia on Apr 11, 2008
Sending my condolences, Leon. I can’t even imagine how you’re holding up, but I salute your bravery and ability to put it in words.
By Tasha on Apr 11, 2008
sorry for your loss leon i know what its like to lose someone you held close to you. stay strong my brother hes in a better place trust me. blessings to you and yours
By Shahka on Apr 11, 2008
Leon, I’m so sorry for you loss man. This was unbelieveably brave and unselfish of you to share your feelings in a time like this. It sounds weird at a time like this to THANK you, but that’s what I’m doing. This was a beautiful post as well as being REAL. I don’t know what I can do other than offer a kind word in this time, but if you think of anything you know how to reach me!
May God be with you and the rest of your family!
By Calvin on Apr 11, 2008
Much love and support for you and your family. All of you will be in my prayers. God bless.
By Herb on Apr 11, 2008
Leon, I just want to commend you on your selfless act to publish this post. It takes a lot of courage for us as a people to speak of suicide, but it takes even more for you to share your story with others. May God’s strength carry you and your family through this time.
By SassyGyrl on Apr 11, 2008
It is hard to put in words what I feel, so I will let my heart take over. Be brave and know that God loves you and loved your father as well. I know it hurts baby, but know we are all behind you. Take one step and day at a time. It will get easier in time, trust me. You are such a wonderful person Leon. I liked you the first day Resha introduced you to me and Mr. Purvis. You will always be welcome in our home. If you need someone to talk to, please call us. If you need a hug, please call us. Stay strong and thank you for letting so many people know about this disease and how it can take over the mind. You did something very brave Leon and I love you for that. God will protect you and get you through it all. He is a good God. Continue to call to him. Much Respect and Love
By Frances Purvis on Apr 11, 2008
i’m so sorry to hear about your loss from the bottom of my heart. you’re wrong though…way stronger than i could ever be during a time like this. may the lord be with you today and always. you’re in my prayers :)
By CandyNicole on Apr 11, 2008
My heartfelt prayers and condolences go out to you, your sister and the rest of your family. I know it took a lot of heart to post this but it helped me realize some things and I’m sure it will be beneficial to others. Stay strong and know that you have God, your family, and friends on your side.
By Kesi on Apr 11, 2008
my prayers and goes out to you and your family…this is deep and im glad you decided to post it. it touched my heart dearly…
By tayeski on Apr 11, 2008
my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family during this trying time Leon, its good to see that you are being strong for your loved ones
god bless bro
By BMG on Apr 11, 2008
I am sorry to hear about your loss. God bless!
By The Other on Apr 11, 2008
You and your family have my deepest sympathies. I know you’ll miss him a whole lot. He spit you out for real. Looks like he was a pretty handsome dude in his day.
By dee on Apr 11, 2008
I work with your mom and I wanted to not only express my sympathies, but also let you know that your mom is proud of you for handling arrangements and being a good son and big brother. Lastly, I want to thank you for being there for your mom. She’s a wonderful teacher and friend and I’m glad she has a great son like you.
Our thoughts are with all of you
By Cath on Apr 11, 2008
Wow Leon.. It’s crazy how posts like these brings your own life into perspective, and you realize how much you’ve got compared to the next person… I haven’t talked to my dad in two years, and after reading your post, I called him and basically got the wheel rolling for us… It’s hard to see how stupid you are when you let pride and ego get in the way, and reading this post really slapped the shit out of me.
Thanks for that, and I’m so sorry about your loss. I can only imagine what its like to lose the other half of the people that created you. He’s in a better place, and he’s not suffering anymore. That’s really the only way to think about it. If you ever need somebody to talk to, I’m a great listener. I know we’re not that close, but I’m really open and despite how psychotic I come off, I’m really a nice person and a great listener.
You know, at some point in my own life, I was pretty self destructive. And after reading about suicides, I realized how selfish an act it was and how much I’d hurt the people that love me if I left them behind. I wish your dad would of known this, because I’m sure if he did- he wouldn’t have left you, your sister, or anybody else that loves him behind to deal with this tragedy. Your in my thoughts and prayers, Leon. Stay strong…
By KraZy34th on Apr 11, 2008
Leon,
Thank you for your post. You provided what I needed to know my thoughts are selfish. It is remarkable that while you are going through such an emotional trial you are still thinking of others and I thank you.
I am praying for your family. Death regardless of the how it occurs is a powerful and life changing. Always focus on the good times and the love you have. It will help you overcome the times of loneliness and grief.
May God be with you and yours.
By Tonya Lee on Apr 12, 2008
This is my first time here, thanx to Lola Gets. Thank U for sharing this with the world, Leon. Some of us need to hear this. I’ll be adding U to my blog roll and posting about the period in life when I contemplated suicide….it is a subject that we need to address. Again, Thank U! U & your family are in my prayers.
By CapCity on Apr 12, 2008
God bless you. My prayers are with you and yours.
By Angie on Apr 12, 2008
I’m here by way of Lola’s blog.
Thank you sharing a part of your life with us.
My father committed suicide and you hit it on the nail that the people that are left behind are the ones that deal with so many emotions.
By Tanyetta on Apr 12, 2008
Leon my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing this with us.
By Beloved on Apr 12, 2008
Cousin,
You know that our thoughts and prayers are constantly with you and the rest of the family. Much love, and know that God remains present especially when times seems too difficult to bear. I wish you His peace.
By Wash on Apr 13, 2008
Leon,
I came across your page randomly by searching/surfing the web; however I have to say this blog is one that I frequently visit. And through the text I feel like, “Hey I somewhat know this dude” but in the midst of it all – I really don’t. Although, with each entry that gives insight on the man you are, sharing your personal & private issues, bearing your soul online makes me wonder – how could I not be compassionate at your time of need. I do wish you and your family all the best, and I’m truly sorry for your loss (I’ll remember to keep you guys in thought & prayer). The same way you said if anyone needs someone to converse with, even if it’s you… I extend the same offer to you. Just hold on & keep on going! One luv!!!
By Jae on Apr 13, 2008
i am praying for u anmd your family…my father is in a similar spot right now in his life and all we (I) can do is give the situation God…stay strong sweetie.
By rebecca (angel107) on Apr 13, 2008
So sorry to hear about your father. God Bless you and your family.
By stacey on Apr 14, 2008
Sorry for your loss…
Blessings to you and your family.
By Deviant on Apr 14, 2008
this is so hurtful to deal with and i can only offer my deepest sincerest best wishes that you can heal yourself and go forward
By uma on Apr 14, 2008
dude, I know you’re back to trash talking which we luv, but i found out today that on the same day you posted this, 4/9, someone else was posting something similar http://joeypulone.typepad.com/blog/2008/04/a-small-bit-of.html (I hadn’t met her before, though my colleagues did.) it’s obviously not the same. (quote seemed relevant)
By C-C on Apr 14, 2008
I’m so sorry Leon. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
By Lisa on Apr 15, 2008
Love u too, CUZ. B EZ, Jay
By BUS12103 on Apr 15, 2008
So sorry, Leon. I can’t even imagine what you and your family are going thru. My deepest sympathies go out to you and yours.
By Sasha on Apr 15, 2008
My deepest condolences to you and your family, Leon. I just read this today and I swear my missed a beat. I appreciate your bravery in posting this and hope someone is touched, helped and heard because of it. I’ll be praying for your comfort and healing during these difficult times.
By a.jaded.kiss on Apr 15, 2008
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. After reading the sex talk, I can see where you got your sense of humour from. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
By Leon on Apr 16, 2008
Im sorry to hear of this terrible news. My heart goes out to you and your family.
By droopey on Apr 16, 2008
Leon,
My condolences to you and your family for your loss. I pray that you all are able to find comfort during this time.
By Nic on Apr 18, 2008
Dear Mr. Scott, First of all let me offer my condolences to you and your family. I will be sure to include you in my prayers. Secondly, thank you very much for your kind words to the Morgan State young lady and for reaching out to her. I can see from her recent blog entry that you had a positive impact on a possibly suicidal person. God bless you for giving her some “food for thought”. I know her mother for over 15 years now and, though some day she will find out about her daughter’s ordeal-if she doesn’t already know. If she does, she hasn’t let it be known.-I believe kowing and helping her daughter through it is FAR BETTER than burying her most beloved child. Again, I say God bless you, and may your pain soon be replaced by wonderful memories. This world needs more good people like yourself.
By Thank You on Apr 29, 2008
Hi Leon,
I am so sorry about your loss. We, at Forum One, are thinking of you and your family.
Regards,
America
By America on May 5, 2008
Dear Leon
Today I went into google to get some inspiration for a Funeral I will be attending later today and came accross your message. I trust that you and your family are doing better and that you are on the road to recovery, because when this happended to my family (my elder brother)it felt like I had been “drop-kicked in the kidneys”, the person doing the kicking being my brother who was not perfect, but an integral part of our lives. I swore,and raged at him, for not being stronger because that is how he always came accross, to us (five sisters) at least. This happened 7 years ago (5 June) and I still get mad when I relive this day, if not daily anymore, at least at every family gathering. I did not realise until reading your message that I have not really forgiven him for the pain he caused to those of us who were left behind to deal with “the details” of a life in agony. Your message, is your first step in the recovery process and therefore I commend you, my sincere condolences on your loss, my prayers will be with you and your family long into the future. I hesitate to add, that maybe I am now ready to take those final steps to my own full recovery….
By Murida on May 16, 2008
Leon,
I just ran across your site, now at the start of 2010. I attended your Dad’s services but probably did not get to meet you. We went to the same school, church and even shared the same neighborhood. My grandparents lived around the corner (Lafayette Blvd) from the Scott family on Spottswood St. Your Dad was a super guy, I was quite saddened when I learned of his death. He would be so proud to know that you are sharing with others, even in the midst of your grief. Please continue to speak your feelings, remember to pray without ceasing and if you are not already, attend a Bible-based church. May God continue to bless and keep you.
By Brenda on Jan 3, 2010