I find myself fixated on that video of Kobe Bryant jumping over an Aston Martin, and the ensuing Inside The NBA parody featuring Kenny Smith. Considering the fact that I fell asleep watching the Wizards whuppuing the Cavaliers, these clips are the only things taking my mind off of the fact that I’m having trouble re-adjusting to my normal sleep pattern.
It would be funny if Kobe Bryant really tried to jump over a speeding sports car for so many reasons. First of all, that Jerry Stiller-looking dude who owns the Lakers would personally come to Kobe’s house and kick his ass for risking life and limb over some Super Dave stunt man nonsense. Then he’d send his goons over to Ronny Turiaf’s house to slap him around for co-signing and cheerleading on camera. I can hear Jerry Buss right now, saying “I traded Shaq to keep you…Don’t play with my money b*tch!”
Besides, the entire league would lose it’s mind if Kobe were to actually try to do that, then get hurt. He’d go from MVP front-runner competing for an NBA championship and Olympic gold, to broken-down has-been whose last shot at glory would come from crossing people up in the wheelchair league or Special Olympics. A disaster like that would be a monumental f*ck-up, along the lines of Michael Vick and his dogs. Or Jason Williams and his motorcycle. Or Jayson Williams(with a “y”) and his itchy trigger-finger.
The third reason I like this video is because I actually did just about clear a car once. I didn’t do it for a Nike commercial, obviously…I did it because a rottweiler was about to bite my black ass! Plus, it wasn’t an Aston Martin. It was more like a broken-down Buick or Pontiac. Something along those lines.
Back when I was in high school, my neighbors left their door open one snowy day. I walked past the house, and heard loud, ferocious barking. I turned and saw that dog coming at me, and I can’t lie: I was scared to death! Out of sheer terror, I somehow jumped on top of their parked car. I don’t care if you call “bullsh*t”, because I still don’t even know how I got up there, and I’ll be damned if I ever try it again, even if Nike comes calling!
This weekend, I want you all to enjoy some NBA Playoff basketball…and please, for the love of God, do NOT try to hurdle any moving cars. Leave that to the professionals, and those trying to protect their asses from bite marks.
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well i will see, i think he think he may hurt himself. lol have a great weekend
lol, i thought it was real…oh well
I have no doubt he can jump that high but I don’t believe it’s real because there’d be some level of force coming off a speeding car that would blow him out of the zone. No? Still a cool fake.
-lacochran, who did not major in physics
LOL i knew it was fake!! awww i love me some kenny smith!! hes always the butt of barkleys jokes (ashy ass) lol…
i have a question – who is your fav black sports commentator these days?
jim rome turns me on but he isnt entertaining…
stephen a is intelligent but hes kind of an ass… lol
barkley is ignorant but hes kind of…um…yea…
whatcha think?