How was everyone’s holiday weekend? Did you enjoy yourselves? Did you spend time with family and loved ones? If so, did you come back to work today with any funny stories from the weekend?
Well guess what: I did! The only problem is, my entire family reads this blog now, as I discovered when my Mom immediately chastized me for making fun of the Sisqo-hair lady about a week ago. So since I do not want to be banned from all family gatherings this summer, I’ll refrain from cracking jokes about the funniest occurences of the weekend. However, I will not let my desire for future get-together invitations stop me from making a couple of jokes about the music at my Aunt’s cookout.
Every year, my Aunt throws a really fun family cookout at her house, with the next door neighbor and her folks. This year was no different. Everybody enjoyed themselves, and ate well.
The only drawback is that every year, there is a controversy involving the music. Last year, one uncensored version of some song came on, and it was quickly switched to something else a little more suited to the family atmosphere of the event. This year, there was no such luck. A song by Lil’ Wayne came on, and everybody at my table heard some of the lyrics, but we all just looked at each other in a confused manner, as if wondering if we were the only ones who heard that. It was like the scene in Old School during the wedding singer’s performance, where they looked at each other like “Did he really just say that?”
As it turns out, Lil’ Wayne really did say it, because the next song that came blasting through the speakers was Soulja Boy, hollering “YAAAAH BITCH YAAAAAHHH!” My friend Nanette was trying to get me to switch the song, but I saw people holding their kids while nodding their heads, and the next door neighbor’s mother dancing to it, so I decided to just let it play.
the next song to play was, Shake Ya Ass by Mystikal. Around this time, my Mom and Grandma came outside to where the music was. My Grandma has always liked that song, mainly because she’s only heard the radio edit. She would call it the “Show Me What You Workin’ With” song. She also thought Mystikal’s voice reminded her of James Brown.
All of that changed as soon as she walked out the house. She was immediately greeted by the sound of Mystikal’s raspy voice, yelling “The b*tch ride a dick like she making a baby!”
Grandma said “Oh Lord, I didn’t know he said that!” shook her head, then sat down in the shade with a look of suprise on her face, mixed in with a little bit of disgust.
There you have it. A weekend of family bonding, as well as the loss of Grandma’s innocence as far as Mystikal’s music goes. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that he’s in prison right now for sexually assaulting his hairdresser. That might have been too much for poor Grandma to take, and would have ruined the rest of her Memorial Day Weekend. If you don’t like it, here’s what you can do for me:
“GET OUT MY FACE HOE! GET OUT MY FACE HOE!”
LMAO its amazing how our elders hear what they want but when they find out what it really said they get mad as a mug LOL U can come grab a piece of b’day cake before its gone..
Your grandma rocks!
I tell you, the 30-something generation has lost its collective mind. And then they wanna act all surprised, showin’ up at school with rollers in their hair and pink house slippers on their ashy feet when Bonquita gets suspended from school for speaking to a teacher inappropriately.
Jesus, please come soon.
LOL you played it safe on this one!
This had me cracking up laughin, b/c of the sheer look of agony that my Nana gives whenever she hear something “just not right” That is her answer every time “humph, that just ain’t right” or she say “You would never hear Luther say that” lmao, hahhahha
aw man… your family is blog-blocking! I rue the day my family starts reading my blog… I might have to quit drinking
*shock shock, horror horror*
Too funny! You have to share some of the funnier stories with me later. **wink wink**
For my family it was the whisper song…
“Wait to you see my OHHHHHH!??!”
What did that motherf*cker say? Eddie turn that shit off now!
Damn…
-Ed.
http://www.edthesportsfan.com
nice blog.. hilarious story.
wow.
ahaha.
i can realte to all of the above.
ill be back!
Asia Dee
LOL since this was my cookout and the fact of not seeing my mothers face makes it really hilarious.
share the funny stories now. Why not you know I don’t care.
Angela, you know damn well that your sister is going to lose her mind if she sees me write about the story SHE re-enacted a million times the day after your cookout!
LMAO!!! I forgot all about that… YOU MISSED IT! It should have been video live on the 11 o’clock news..
@hustleman, @angela…TELL THE STORY!! TELL THE STORY!! TELL THE STORY!!
yes fool please tell the story cause i missed everything, but it was only for the fact that i was playing grand theft auto 4.
Wow I disappear for a few weeks and everything changes, lol. The blog is looking great.
Only my brother knows about my blog in the fam (but I think a cuz or 2 may know), and he’s sworn to secrecy about it, because I’ve threatened to tell a fucked up story about him on it if he snitched. Because if my mom and dad read the stuff I talk about, I’d freakin DIE.
This story about the cookout is hilarious. I remember when my Big Mama was quite fond of some rap songs, but she’s never heard the unedited versions, thank God. My other Grandma gets pissed if you play anything other than BB King or Koko Taylor, so we’ve never played songs like that in front of her.
Im glad your family embraces their nigerdom as much as my family. Xmas a few years back me , grandma, moms, my sis, my crackhead uncles and they crackwhore girlfriends all watched “Pimps Up, Hoes Down” followed by “American Pimp”. What a festive evening.
If you all want to know the whole story contact me at my personal address wmnovtue@msn.com LOL
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