A Mosquito Bit Me On The Ass

Sometimes, you get warning signs that tell you that your day isn’t going to go the way that you planned it. This morning, that sign came in the form of sexual assault…by a mosquito.

I swear to God I couldn’t make up a scenario like this. I went in the bathroom to take care of the Three S’s (sh*t, shower and shave…preferrably in that order) and while finishing S#1, I felt a pain. A pain in the ass. My right butt-cheek in particular. That’s when I realized I’d been bitten by a mosquito before I even got a chance to pull my underwear back up over my backside.

Do you realize what this means?! My hindparts will periodically itch, and I will be forced to either tough it out, or scratch it and look like some nasty dude whose been wearing the same draws for 5 days straight. You know what else? The odds of a random mosquito bite on that part of the body are so slim, it leads me to believe that this was a targeted attack. That mosquito was probably watching me, talking ’bout “Mmmmmm. Yeah, this one’s been working out! I’m getting a piece of that ass right there! Look so good, I just wanna BITE that motherf*cker! Uh oh, time to make my move! I’m about to tear that ass up…OHYEAH!”

As you can see, this is serious business right here. Creeping up on a man in such a vulnerable position and biting his ass makes one worthy of death. I had no choice but to kill that mosquito for disrespecting the sanctitiy and innocence of my booty. PETA can protest my site all they want. I cannot in good conscience let that mosquito go free to fly around DC biting asses all willy-nilly. Until a rehabilitation program is established for deviant mosquitoes, capital punishment is the way to deal with them.

Technorati Tags: , , ,

Tags: , , ,

Post Author

This post was written by who has written 1743 posts on Yeah…I said it.

Comedian, writer and Patron Saint of High Yellow.

13 Responses to “A Mosquito Bit Me On The Ass”

  1. V Renee 21. Jul, 2008 at 2:42 pm #

    LMAO….no pun intended (wink)

  2. laughing808 21. Jul, 2008 at 4:25 pm #

    ROFL…….thanks for saving my tush….LOL

  3. Karen 21. Jul, 2008 at 4:58 pm #

    Uhhh…have you ever, uh…thought about just posting celeb pics and commenting on them like other bloggers? Obviously, you’re completely out of material and reaching like a mug! :-)

    A mosquito bite on the arse????

    And to think, I sat here and read that mess–even clicked to read the rest of the post…hoping, thinking it would redeem itself.

    Guess that’s what you get when you encounter a post entitled “A Mosquito Bit Me on the Ass” but continue reading anyway. :-)

  4. Hustleman 21. Jul, 2008 at 5:14 pm #

    What the f*ck @ Karen? Do you want me to show you the motherf*ckin’ bite? I thought it was very blog-worthy, since that doesn’t happen to people every day. I’ve blogged about more random stuff than that in the past. Besides, I don’t really give enough of a damn about what celebrities are wearing, or whose f*cking who in Hollywood. Not to knock those who do blog about that stuff…It’s just not my cup of tea.

    Now stop teling me what to damn do, woman! LOL

    @ Laughing808, you and your tush are quite welcome

  5. Babs 21. Jul, 2008 at 9:20 pm #

    lmao@ hindparts

  6. MissJay 22. Jul, 2008 at 8:33 am #

    Poor booty SMHLMAO Don’t scratch too much or you’ll make a sore on your butt.

  7. anonymousnupe 22. Jul, 2008 at 10:54 am #

    You might want to be careful with this one and just chalk it up as an unwitting blood sacrifice. I warn you because clearly your tiny assailant had to be equipped with the latest in high-tech breathing apparatus in order to get her proboscis within striking distance of such an odoriferous orifice. To wit, if she’s got that kinda survival tech she’s surely pakin’ heat, as well, brah.

  8. shy giraffe 23. Jul, 2008 at 3:25 am #

    “Mmmmmm. Yeah, this one’s been working out! I’m getting a piece of that ass right there! Look so good, I just wanna BITE that motherf*cker! Uh oh, time to make my move! I’m about to tear that ass up…OHYEAH!”

    right there where it cracks me up…lmao!!

  9. Babs 23. Jul, 2008 at 9:18 am #

    I just want to tell you, and I am totally not joking, that I have a mosquito bite on my booty too! At first I thought it was a sympathy itch. But no, it’s real! WTF?

  10. anonymousnupe 23. Jul, 2008 at 10:34 am #

    Quick, Babs, you betta get somebody to suck the poison out before it becomes gangrenous! Or is that only with snakes and scorpions. Oh, well. Better safe than sorry, B!

  11. Babs 23. Jul, 2008 at 2:47 pm #

    @nupe- you are right. I shall get on that posthaste!

  12. Ms?Go 28. Jul, 2008 at 2:57 pm #

    Hah! I can beat that.

    Try poison ivy on the ass by squatting over the wrong bit of shrubbery?

  13. ateeee 12. Oct, 2008 at 10:33 pm #

    ye man i have a misquito bite on my ass right now
    fuckk it’s annoyin as fuck
    its makes me look like a fckin crackhead or sum shit
    when i have to itch my ass

Leave a Reply