DC’s water supply must’ve been spiked with Crazy Juice. That is the only explanation imaginable for all of the wild stuff that happened in my neighborhood this past Friday night. The night was intended to be one of relaxation, but it ended up looking more like an action movie. Don’t believe me? Check out the key elements of the evening:
Neighbors Arrested! – I came home after my workout, to find out that one of my neighbors was arrested. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but this was one of the nice, sweet, cute neighbors. The majority of the folks that live near me are either old, or flat-out unattractive. Sorry if that offends people. Then again, if anyone who lives near me was offended by that, it probably means that they’re among the ranks of the ugly as well. I still don’t know why pretty neighbor got locked up, but I’ll stop by her place to comfort her later this week, if she happens to make bail anytime soon.
A Walk-By Shooting! – As a few friends and I left my front porch to go drink some more at Looking Glass Lounge, the folks in our group who stood outside the bar to smoke heard gunshots from further down Georgia Avenue. Next, they did what most people would do: hauled ass and ducked inside the bar for cover! A true sign that gas prices are astronomical, we later learned that it was a walk-by shooting, as the assailant was on-foot. After the commotion was over, everybody ordered food and continued drinking.
One Friend Borderline Sexually-Harassing Another! – It’s funny when a man gets to a point when he realizes that it’s now or never, and he has everything to gain yet absolutely nothing to lose. This was the case, since one of the folks that was with us was preparing to move back to New York. That night, once the liquor hit him, he tried his hand at a woman that we all know. Normally, it wouldn’t be bad to take that last shot at getting laid before leaving town, but the way he went about things appeared extra-creepy. He would have been better off asking me to give him things to say, like a 21st Century version of Cyrano De Pimpinassmofo, or whatever that literary character’s last name was. To say that things got akward quick, would be an understatement. Still, everybody remains cool with each other…It all got chalked up to dude’s alcohol consumption and lack of Leonesque swagger.
A Police Chase! – After Looking Glass Lounge, we all kind of went in different directions. I went along with a friend to this bar in Mt. Pleasant where his co-workers were. Along the way, he told me a story about how he saw someone actually get arrested for peeing in public for the first time ever. I laughed about it, but as soon as we got about three blocks away from the bar, the urge to urinate hit me with great vengenace and furious anger! I had to go pretty bad, so I ran up in an alley to drain the main vein.
As soon as I finished going, I looked over and saw a police car pulling past the alley slowly with the lights on top flashing. The officer in the passenger seat and I looked each other directly in the eye. I thought to myself “SH*T!!! They’re gonna get me for peeing, just like that other guy! I’m not going to jail! Not for this shit! I’m gonna make the officer earn this arrest, damn it!”
Without hesitation, I took off running down the alley! I didn’t even take the time to put my d*ck away. Instead, I sprinted full speed, swinging and dangling with each stride through the alley. I occasionally looked at my jeans to make sure that no leftover pee dripped on them, but for the most part, I just ran as hard as I could and looked for a spot to hide.
Once I reached the end of the alley, I realized that no one was chasing me. That’s when I put my genitals away, and started walking back. Apparently, when the police car drove by my friend, he said the officers were in there laughing. I really don’t care. All I care about is the fact that I did not go to jail for doing #1 outside.
Expolsions and Fire! – Around 3:30AM, I made it back home, only to see that a few of the folks I was with earlier were out on the porch still drinking and joking around. As I sat out there listening to their foolishness and telling the story of my police chase, someone asks “Hey, is the corner store over there on fire?” Sure enough, the roof of the corner store where I go to get gatorade, soda, or whatever junk food I’m craving at the time, had flames shooting out of it’s rooftop. One of my neighbors called 911, and next, an explosion took out the power on my block for about 5 minutes. Soon enough, fire engines were all over the place, and the local news came through to cover it. Here is the exclusive drunken Leon news report, live from the front stoop:
So as you can see, Friday was action-packed, but not in the best way. Either way, I came out of it unscathed, like the black John McClane. I guess the only think left to say, is “Yippie-Ki-Yay Motherf*ckers!”
lol, i was laughing so hard! i know my coworkers think im crazy. smh *sigh*
LOL thanks for my laugh for today.
lord leon
never a dull moment!!
lol
I’m picturing you running down the alley with Leon Jr., Jr. dangling out in the open and what not!
Without hesitation, I took off running down the alley! I didn’t even take the time to put my d*ck away. Instead, I sprinted full speed, swinging and dangling with each stride through the alley. I occasionally looked at my jeans to make sure that no leftover pee dripped on them, but for the most part, I just ran as hard as I could and looked for a spot to hide.
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This was just too funny!
I’m done. Absolutely done. Everytime I think you can’t top yourself, I end up apologizing for a lack of trust in “The Life of Leon”. How the hell are you, babyboy?? It’s been a minute.
Dog, talking about your junk swinging is the kinda sh*t that’ll make ThugNiggaGreg pop back up. haha
This story was HILARIOUS! I would’ve loved to have caught you and Jr. coming out of that alley. D@mn the man. Out of all the nights to leave my alley post, I picked Friday night…..
Deeeezam!!!! That sounds like one of the Friday’s with Craig & Day-Day!!! I’m sitting here @ work laughing so hard, I have my hand over my mouth. Your whole “doing the #1 outside” story killed me.
Ok that shit was funny! And the cops was laughin! And then your news report asking where the f*** you gonna get your overpriced gatoraid! Priceless!
EWWWWW LEON DIDN’T WASH HIS HANDS!!!! LMAO
that you ran down the alley way with your penis hanging out is priceless, that made my night
I’m in tears at youe supposedly police chase……LMAO
LOL @ “Where the F am I gonna get my overpriced Gatorade?!?!”
Whoa, sounds like you had a pretty uneventful Friday :)
Uhh Leon you need to invest in some pocket hand sanitizer for situations like that. You are crazy…sorry to hear about the corner store.
damn
Sounds like a typical DC summer night to me…lol!
LMMFAO!!! That is hilarious! Wow!