Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement of epic proportions to make, and I’d like to start with you, the good readers of ListenToLeon.net. My work load has picked up lately, and I am very close to accomplishing a few of the more prominent goals I’ve set for myself as far as my writing and trash-talk career. Since I am knocking on the door to greatness and immortality, I realize that certain sacrifices just might help me get through to the other side a bit quicker. Therefore, I am making the following proclamation:
Leon of ListenToLeon.net infamy, will not do any sort of dating whatsoever from now, until December 1. If I have not accomplished at least one of the goals(which shall remain secret for now), then the self-imposed vagina strike shall be lifted for the weekend of birthday celebration, and will resume until things are done.
I think that’s enough pressure and incentive to finally get things done. I had a conversation with Hugh Hefner the other day…
…Ok, it wasn’t Hugh Hefner; it was Jesse Hefner, but he claims to he Hugh’s nephew. Jesse the Fake-Me-Out Hef said “Leon, the women are gonna be there, regardless…But once Uncle Hugh invites you to one of his parties, you’ll see exactly why you gotta make this thing happen RIGHT NOW!”
Then I thought about it: Hugh Hefner is older than recorded history. He has a copy of The Illiad, with an inscription that reads “To my main man Hugh: I SEE YOU, PLAYA! Your friend, Homer.” The man had luxury skybox tickets to the Roman Colosseum. He was on the world’s earliest known sex tape, a collection of wall paintings found in the tomb of Cleopatra.
If I am to ever get invited to the Playboy Mansion, I need to make my move now, while the old guy is alive and kicking! Therefore, I’m risking comitting social and sexual suicide in an effort to increase productivity! Hugh Hefner, if you’re listening, take care of yourself. In a couple of months, I’ll be lounging around the mansion in a smoking jacket and house shoes, telling bunnies to go to the kitchen and fix me up a turkey sandwich.
To any ladies who might feel the repercussions of this decision: It’s not you, it’s me ;)
To you readers, if my entries appear extra irritable or onery over the course of the next three weeks, that most likely means that I am not getting any. Just a friendly too much information public service announcement. A TMI PSA, if you will.
You don’t stand a chance.
Vagina Power!!!
Good luck, Leon. :)
Nice to know someone believes in me :(
LOL
“To any ladies who might feel the repercussions of this decision: It’s not you, it’s me ;)”
LOLOL…. good luck??
Well, at least the porn industry can breath a sigh of release now that it knows who will be providing its big bailout through the end of the year.
@ Anonymousnupe, I’m including jerking off in my boycott, so no smut. Once again…too much information, I know.
@ Grayse, thanks :)
Luxury skyboxes in the Roman Colisseum? WTF…so that means if you make it into the mansion, Hef can come up to you and say…
“IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?”
Think about the glory if that happened…oh boy.
-Ed.
Your sphincter’s gonna implode or somethin’, man.
I’m so proud of you. I support you 1,000%. **Whispersing out the side o’ my mouth**….Anyone wanna place a small wager. I say 1 week. Anybody?? Anybody??
You can lose lots of money chasing women, but you will NEVER lose women chasing money.
- Mr. Landis in “I Think I Love My Wife”
@The Common Share,
Id make a wager with you, but December 1st isnt that far away…just about anybody could go sexless for that length of time standing on their head! Nah, I lose enough money making crazy bets of my own, so Imma sit this one out, lol.
L
GOOD LUCK WITH THIS. . MAYBE I should try this for my bday (Dec 7).. it does fall on a Sunday .. so maybe that would be a little wrong to plan to have sex on a Sunday but . oh well..
Try Dec 1, 2009 lol
good luck with that homie. i hope your porn collection is in tip top condition.