The other day, a couple of brilliant and lovely ladies I know, made lists on Facebook about what they want in a potential mate. Both lists were well-thought out and entertaining. So well thought-out and entertaining, that I decided to make my own list for the world to see. So world, here is my list:
A Positive Outlook On Life
I don’t like people who are constantly negative. You only get one life, so make the most of it and enjoy it. Don’t bring down my natural high with a Debbie Downer attitude.
I Must Find You Attractive
This is non-negotiable. I know that love is much more than physical attraction…but without physical attraction, we’ll probably never get a chance to get to the “love” part.
A Sense Of Humor Is Necessary When Dealing With Me
In case you haven’t noticed, I joke around A LOT. Like, enough to update this site daily, contribute to three other sites, and STILL make people laugh in person. If you don’t have a decent sense of humor, you may try to choke the life out of me with one of your thongs one night while I’m sleeping.
Honesty
I’d much rather have someone tell me the ugly truth than have someone lie to me and tell me what they think I want to hear. Luckily, most of the women I’ve seriously dated have been pretty good about this. Some have tried to beat the system and omit key details of situations that were relevant in the trust-building stage of dating…which technically isn’t lying, but can be messed up in it’s own right. Then again, that’s another topic for another day. Let’s just focus on “Be honest and Leon will respect it, even if he doesn’t like it.”
Intelligence
It’s sexy. Dumb as rocks…Not so much. That’s all I really need to say about that.
You Need To Have Some Goals In Life
I may not be the richest dude in the world. As a matter of fact, let’s be all the way real: I’m feeling the effects of the recession. The contents of my wallet are receding like that dude from Earth Wind and Fire’s hairline. That said, I am in a position to make a king’s ransom from the silly thoughts that run through my mind. An empire, built entirely on trash-talk and silliness! That’s why I need a woman who has goals and ambitions of her own. I don’t want a wife that’s content to sit on the couch and watch TV all day every day like on Married With Children. As a matter of fact, Al Bundy’s entire life is pretty much the opposite of what I want for myself!
That said, don’t take it to extremes. I don’t need constant reminders that you are the independent lady that Ne-Yo and Jaime Foxx were singing about. It should speak for itself.
Have Pride In Yourself
Proper hygiene is a must. I know that at a certain point, everybody has stank moments. We all fart. We all smell bad after working out for an extended amount of time. Women have periods, and men have balls that sweat. Morning breath is real.
All I’m saying is, do the basics, like bathe regularly and address the vital spots: face, feet, ass and underarms, but not necessarily in that order. Wear deodorant and a nice perfume(a woman wearing really nice perfume is one of my weaknesses), but don’t overdo it. I am distrustful of women in too much makeup, so if you’re one of those people who cake on so much that your face is a totally different color shade than the rest of you, we’re probably not going to work.
Fellatio Is Mandatory
I tried to make concessions on this issue…and I wasn’t happy…Especially since I would deliver the goods on my end. So from now on, any woman who claims to not do it, or only does it once every blue moon, will probably get cut. A woman would have to have that SNAPPY-NAPPY RAYS OF SUNSHINE good stuff for me to even consider life without head. Please don’t claim that you have it if you don’t, because I will let you know about your vaginal delusions of grandeur.
Respect My Family
I have an amazing family. Sure, I know that a small number of my relatives are a little bit on the crazy side…but it’s MY family, so respect them. Once you’ve established that you’re around for the long haul, feel free to clown them to your heart’s content. Until then, be nice. If one of them steps out of line, let me know. That way, I can be the one to lash out at them for you. I know most of their weaknesses already, plus, they have to forgive me eventually.
Respect For Others
If you walk around treating people badly and acting like your sh*t don’t stink, not only will I assume that your sh*t is RANCID behind closed doors, but I’ll come to believe that you’re insecure about it, too.
Remind me to never, ever use sh*t ad a metaphor again…Thanks.
No Crazy Addictions
If you drink a little or smoke a little, it’s cool, as long as it’s not all of the time. I don’t want my lady’s kiss to taste like cigarettes or 151. Plus, this goes back to the smell thing. I won’t go to deep with it…I’ll just leave it at that.
You Must Be Capable of Trusting Someone
Carrying around a bunch of emotional baggage from past relationships is more than likely going to get in the way of you finding true happiness. Maybe you’ll find it with somebody, but probably not with me!
Now that my list is complete, let me know what you think of it. Feel free to share your opinions, or tell me what qualities would be on your list.
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That’s a great list. Clearly you have been through it and know what you want. Bravo.
This sounds completely reasonable! It meets with the Zen stamp of approval.
Why was I laughin hysterically while reading this?? lol.. and I quote, “If you don’t have a decent sense of humor, you may try to choke the life out of me with one of your thongs one night while I’m sleeping. ”
Ahh classic!! Explained with a finesse only you are capable to produce!! LOL
Great list. God smiled on me sent me a great wife. She’s smart, good looking, loves me and brings in more than 100K. We’ve been married eleven years, have two kids and life is sweet.
But when I was single, I didn’t have Leon’s game. I barely had Urkel’s game. When I rolled up to a lady in the club, when she saw me coming an expression came over her face that said, “You’ve got five seconds to impress me and I just used three on that thought.”
I really hated it when I asked a young lady to dance and she told me her feet hurt too much. Then not two seconds later some other brother asks her. He must have had secret healing powers because the bitch started doing the Electric Slide.
I knew that most women who looked at me did not say, “Ohhh, girl check him out. 5’8″, skinny, and real thick glasses. I gots to get a piece of that.”
Once I found a woman who would go out with me more than once, have sex and actually like what I did to her, I knew I had to wife her.
Keep your standards bro. I hope you land a lady half as good as mine.
Hey Leon, it’s your favorite Canadian fan! Loved this posting ( and all the rest!). Good things, in your case, women, come to those who wait. Don’t go out looking for a woman with those qualities, she will come to you in the most unexpected way…xoxo
OMG. fellatio is a must. I literally laughed for five minutes on that one.
I think everybodys family shud be respected, you’re not the only one with crazy family members. EVERYBODY, especially black people, has at least one family member in the pen, and a few family members that are just nutso for no damn reason. And you already know what I think: they all should be treated kindly and with respect!!
I’d also like to point out the fact that I fit all the criteria except one… score! :)
no, but really, your list is very reasonable. why do I have to have the longest list out of everybody? It makes me seem so… high maintenance!
PS. LOL @ M. Slade’s comments “He must have had secret healing powers because the bitch started doing the Electric Slide.” CLASSIC.
Well done, my friend. Well done.
Head is a must!
I laughed out loud at least twice. Loves it!
I especially love the family comment :) I think someone should at least attend 2 family reunions…and one thanksgiving or christmas dinner before they can make a joke about any relative no matter how crazy they are! dues must be paid!
Great list. I agree on all points, even as a female. One amendment I’d make is that a person must respect me, as well. That would seem like a given, but I tend to date guys in your age range, which puts them anywhere from 6 to 10 years older than me. Often times they end up treating me as if I was their best friend’s little sister, which would begin ok: being protective and tender and crap like that. But eventually they start to act like they just know more than me, like I can’t be valuable to a conversation because I’m “too young” to understand or have insight. That’s a huge pet peeve and a major turnoff.
I absolutely must be treated like an equal, despite the differences (age, race, whatever). I know there’s this fine line b/c some women like that male aggressiveness (myself included), but to a woman there’s a time and a place, and I can guarantee you it won’t be during a discussion, or in public, unless that’s your thing.
Damn, every time I write here it comes out as an essay! Ah, well.
“SNAPPY-NAPPY RAYS OF SUNSHINE GOOD STUFF”. You kill me. I will not let the weekend pass without using that in a sentence. I’ll take SNAPPY-NAPPY RAY OF SUNSHINE GOOD STUFF for $400 Alex. Question: Leon’s consideration for life without head.
I would add, ability to be a team player. Its cool if yall can do your own things, but once you get on for the long haul, you need to be able to come together like Marvin and Tammi, the Thundercats, Wonder Twins and put the Power Rangers to shame. But excellent list. I too have a smell/feet thing so I feel you on that one.
That’s a very reasonable list. But you did have me cracking up with “SNAPPY-NAPPY RAYS OF SUNSHINE good stuff”.
that’s a pretty good list. i’m huge on the smell thing, too. and god hasn’t made a coochie good enough to eliminate fellatio from a guy’s list of necessities over the long haul.
you mean morning breath is not a myth?!!
you just blew my mind…
I’m perfect for you LEON! Come to me baby! LOL
Great list…you had me laughing on the head topic…yes, it’s definitely a must!
i enjoyed your list. i think alot of it goes along with being friends as well as lovers.SNAPPY-NAPPY RAYS OF SUNSHINE GOOD STUFF- too funny lmao
Good List! Only you know whats good for you!
Man. just when I think Leon is getting serious, he comes with:
“The contents of my wallet are receding like that dude from Earth Wind and Fire’s hairline.”
I was JUST clowning that fool the other day!!
But jokes aside, this was a good list; not a lot of requirements that people shouldn’t already be doing (like hygiene and what not).
Uhhh….I’d like to point out that I have all of those qualities….
Besides the fact that I’ve been wanting to jump your bones for years now. :)
That’s pretty much a list for every guy I know. ‘Cept for the fellatio part being mandatory.