Ladies and gentlemen, it has come to my attention that in 2009, there are still people hanging on to grudges and hurt feelings over things that I have said, done, or written jokes about. So today, I’d like to extend an olive branch of friendship and forgiveness to those individuals.
I even left an olive on the thing, which is the ultimate form of trust. if I were the least bit insecure, I would have removed the olive, for fear that the recipient of the branch might throw it at my eyeball and attempt to blind me. I have truly grown, because the 2008 edition of ListenToLeon would use this as an opportunity to say something like “Having people hate your guts is a sign that you’re actually doing something.” The New and Improved 2009 ListenToLeon realizes that life is too short to hold on to petty grudges and feuds. Therefore, I offer my forgiveness to all of the petty individuals I’ve encountered over the course of my life. I won’t name you by name, but I’ll use aliases to protect your identities:
- “Petty Murphy” people who dish out the jokes but can’t take them in return.
- “Richard Petty” folks with road-rage, or those who do crazy things while driving.
- “Petty Crocker” people who say and do stupid things at the grocery store.
- “Petty Boop” women with big breasts that wear small tops and get mad when people look at their chests.
- “Ugly Petty” people who don’t like me because my looks aren’t “asthetically challenged” like theirs. It’s not my fault that you have to walk around looking like William Murderface.
- “Petty Mercury” the gay player-hater friend of some woman who spends his entire night trying to sabotage my attempts to get her number.
- “Petty Pendergrass” people who use their handicaps as an excuse to be mean to everyone else. I understand that life dealt you a bad hand, but I didn’t do it! No need to lash out at me!
- “Petty Mitchell” folks who talk a bunch of trash that they cannot back up.
I could go on and on, but you get the point. I forgive you all, and I am giving you this opportunity to forgive me, for whatever I said or did that made you carry this deep-seated hatred in your souls. It’s a new day, so let’s start fresh!
I forgive you. Sort of.
Thank you, Jenny. Your site is hilarious, so I’ll take that “sort of” since it came from you!
LOL I know a few of those Petty’s..
awww leon i hope they do forgive you…luckily we never had any issues but then again i fly below the radar lol and i can take a joke
Friends don’t let friends stay unforgiven. Happy New Year Playa!! Then again, at some point you just gotta say f*** ‘em…I mean f*** it.
That’s my motto FUK IT! 09 is mine. Fuk others that hated, hate or just don’t like Jay for any reason. Fuk’em. Fuk’em up against the wall! Who you wit? B EZ cuz, I know you wit me, and I got ur back weather its 50 Bammas wit Gats or 50 BITCHES ready to get BIZZY? Love you man!
I don’t even know you but I forgive you for whatever it is you done did.
you forgot Petty Riley – people that will hold grudges against you because of your taste in music, even though they are stuck in the 90′s themselves (yup-yup!)
Man I forgive you for giving me that simple yet genius business card with your baby pic on it. You know they all can’t be winners… lol
I’m with Bus12103!
That’s my motto…..FUKK IT!
@ Bus12103, spoken in true “Jay” fashion! Same goes for me. I got your back, and I’m here whenever you need me
@ J S that “Yup yup” quote was funny
@ Super Dave Van Buren, true, and thanks for putting up with my shameless marketing tactics!
@ Butta, sounds about right
@ Common Share, that’s true
@ tayeski, thanks
@ Stacey, we all know at least one of those “Pettys” in our lives!
I was looking at the picture like, “What the F’s up with the olive still attached?”
And then I read: I even left an olive on the thing, with is the ultimate form of trust.
And I cracked up.
But I really came for the hater comments. *munches on popcorn* All those up there are loving ones, sort of…
I don’t know why I am just now stumbling on your blog but all this funny is getting subscribed to…Petty Murphy is the funniest. I swear I have a few people on my forgiveness list that fall under that category LOL
I don’t know how I missed this one. Leon, you crack me up! I love the aliases! :)