Since I have had a couple of days to reflect upon my inaugural weekend, I’m going to sum up how it went, bullet-style. I went to a bunch of parties, but did not take part in too many of the official events. When I say “official,” I speak of sanctioned events where you have to wear a tux and you may actually see politicians in the building. I have to clarify that because every party in the city had “The OFFICIAL Inauguration” this or that printed on the front.
- I need to change my header once again – Presidential jokes will never get old, but this one has completely run it’s course. Since it’s a couple of days past it’s expiration date, I am accepting suggestions for a new header concept in the comments section. Remember, I am a monster when it comes to ignorant Photoshop manipulations, so anything is possible.
- The O-Bamma Twins made their presence felt on U Street – This was the one time I instantly regretted not binging my camera with me last weekend. While waiting in line for a spot on U Street(they get no mention since I officially have no pull there anymore), I saw two grown men wearing matching Obama rhineshone sweatsuits like the picture above, jumping around on U Street next to a parked truck with the speakers blaring. As cold as it was, they still had the energy to yell out loud beligerant rants and flirt with every woman that passed by, good bad or ugly. I could not tell if they were actually twins or not, but I know one thing: They weren’t from around here!
- I am too old for “Event” nights at the club – My tolerance for bullsh*t is at an all-time low, so the nights that I used to relish because of their potential to flirt with out-of-town chicks, I now realize are more trouble than they’re worth. Too many people in unfamiliar surroundings plus alcohol equals chaos at some point in the evening. This one place was so crowded that as soon as you hit the dance floor, someone was grinding on you before you even got a chance to see what they look like. This might not sound like a bad thing to most dudes, but trust me, it sucked. One big girl pretty much grabbed my genitals as she walked past, and tried to make it look like incidental contact. I immediately realized that it must suck to be a woman at places like that, since drunk guys are more aggressive than that oversized Man-Hands McGinty broad who violated the sanctitiy of my crotch.
- You just got your man’s ass whipped! – My one late-night Adams-Morgan experience led to me witnessing some fellow’s girlfriend argue with one of the women with another group of late-night partygoers. One guy tried to separate them, and the rowdy chick’s man didn’t like it. So he puts his hands on the attempted peacemaker, and promptly gets his ass WHUPPED ON, in the middle of the street. He walks away with a bloody nose and a girlfriend in hysterics. It remains to be seen if her crying was out of concern for her man, or guilt that she is responsible for him catching a public one-on-one beatdown in front of at least 50 people.
- I was a good Samaritan after the fight – I was out there waiting for a friend’s ride home to arrive, which is why I witnessed this spectacle of ignorance on one of the most enlightening weekends in American History. What’s really funny is that the winner of the fight and his crew returned to the scene of the battle, because he lost his cell phone while laying the smackdown on that girl’s man. Right then, I felt something under my shoe, and realized I was standing on the battery to his phone! I have no idea how it got all the way over where I was standing, because the fight was at least 20-25 feet away. I then helped him find the back to his phone(the only other part anyone could find) and convinced him to go home and have sex with his girl instead of dwelling on the negativity. I was like “You won the fight, AND you have the girl. Go home and celebrate!” He nodded in approval and left with as much warrior’s dignity as you can have after a street fight at 4 in the morning with 1/3 of your cell-phone in your pocket.
- I need to move someplace warm – My cold is just about gone, but I realized this weekend that I need to see what life is like in a warm-weather city! I mean, it’s cool having more than one season, and I like being able to wear winter clothes, but when it gets excessive like this, it makes me wonder about life in places like Los Angeles and Miami.
- For the most part, people were extra-patient this weekend – I think that the glut of Inaugural doomsday prophecies about the city not being able to handle the crowds along with the spirit of celebration for this moment allowed folks to have extra patience for any inconveniences experienced this weekend. I thought that was beautiful. Any other time that one person is holding up the SmarTrip line because he or she can’t figure out the machine, someone in the back would have yelled something obnoxious. Instead, folks took it in stride since this weekend went along a little smoother than most expected.
I’m tired of typing bullet points, so I’ll just leave it at that. I hope you enjoyed this weekend recap, because I know I am running the risk of beating a dead horse by once again revisiting this particular topic.
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F event nights at the club, I’m too old for the club, period.
I think my boyfriend would not only break up with my ass over involving him in a fight but even missing one piece from his B-Berry. Loud ass! I hope the sex was good. It usually is when one or both parties are pissed.
Oops. Did I say that?
Ok so which one got his ass beat? Was it the peacemaker or the other girl’s boyfriend? I hope it was the other girl’s boyfriend for being ignant.
I’m convinced I saw one of the same dudes on U St on Monday night, cause I turned to my friend and was like, did you see that mess? Black folks… SMH…
And Leon, only you would convince someone to go have sex instead of looking for a phone…HA.
at what point does “too old for the club” happen? i feel like it just happens suddenly instead of a gradual fade-out…
Yeah the cold in DC was some bullshit. I came from Chicago, expecting a relief, but alas, I brought the chill with me. i have vowed to 1. Move out of Chicago and 2. Never go on vacay to a place equally as cold as Chicago.
“This one place was so crowded that as soon as you hit the dance floor, someone was grinding on you before you even got a chance to see what they look like.”
Wow, I don’t think I’m that brave and bold enough to grind up on some random dude. Well, at least the big chick is confident.
I’m mad that I even have to ask this, but was all this fighting going down in the vicinity of me? Damn, I was busy trying to stay upright.
And yeah, yo’ city was COLD. My California skin was not ready.
It was a choice between cute and warm. I chose warm.
Wow, what a weekend I definitely missed staying in the house because of being scared to ride the metro!
I don’t think your header has lost its luster JUST yet. But of course your next one is going to have to be equally if not more funny. I would say maybe you should joke on a popular news or radio station and make it your own.