A big reason why I am the guy whose exploits you all love to read about here, is thanks to the events of my childhood growing up in Fredericksburg, VA. I was reminded of this the other day, through the magic of Facebook. That morning, I logged on to check my account and saw a friend request from a person I haven’t seen in years: The guy who used to get me sent to the Vice-Principal’s office on a daily basis back in 2nd grade!
This particular fellow and I both share the same last name. We also lived in the same neighborhood for awhile, but took different buses to Hugh Mercer Elementary School each morning. This bus detail is important, because while my bus ride was pleasant(aside from making jokes about my friends Pay-Pay and Rodney), the guy with my last name would get in some kind of trouble with his bus driver every day. Since that particular bus driver was too lazy to walk the kid to the principal’s office personally, he’d ask his name and then tell the Principal after he’d do whatever bus drivers do after all the children leave the bus.
This sucked, because instead of using his own name, the kid would tell the bus driver that his name is “Leon Scott.” As a result, I would get called out of Mrs. Taylor’s class and into the Vice-Principal’s office to get interrogated about things that I didn’t do! It was like an elementary school version of The Shawshank Redemption, only less-violent. This woman’s interrogation methods were no joke. Legend has it, the officers at Guantanamo Bay studied her manuscript before being allowed to question Al-Qaeda suspects. I wasn’t waterboarded or anything, but she was a master of 2nd grade psychological warfare! I can’t remember specifics, but from the way she’d look at me during questioning, I’m going to try my best to re-enact an interrogation scene from her office:
Vice Principal – Why did you do it?
Me – What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything.
Vice Principal – Don’t lie to me little boy! I will step on your little 2nd grade nuts! WHY DID YOU DO IT?!
Me – I’m not lying! I didn’t do anything!
Vice Principal – Santa Claus isn’t real. He’s fake, and he’s fake because I JUST KILLED HIM! Oh, so you’re gonna cry now? What happened to the tough guy that was throwing crayons on the bus? Just like I thought…YOU’SE A B*TCH!!!
Ok, so maybe it wasn’t that bad…but it was bad enough that my mother made the Vice-Principal apologize to me once they found out I really was innocent. So you see, I was the victim of identity theft before identity theft was the cool crime to commit. The internet, Craigslist and Nigerian check fraud scams weren’t around in those days, so this dude was a criminal pioneer. This is why I can’t hold on to any anger, because I would have done the same thing when getting into trouble, had my 2nd grade mind been devious enough to think of it. To seek vengeance, I think I threw rocks at him one day, or set firecrackers off outside his front door. Not sure, since I did so much ignorant mess back in those days. Whatever the case, my get-back was not nearly as sophisticated or clever.
This experience made me realize that I could never fully trust the system. Thus, my “Hustleman” mentality was born. As many of you regular readers know, I takes NO SHEEEEET, offa NO-BODY, and this was the incident that started it all!
Sooo did you accept the friend request?
Hilarious man….the only story close to that I have is this chick who took my work out of the cubbyhole and erased my name and put hers on it….
Elementary school was paradise for me other than that….middle school was my hell…
@ Bre, yes I did. That was back in 2nd grade! There’s only one grudge that I held onto from elementary school, and that was this kid named Ben. He tried to bully me since he knew I didn’t want to get in a fight & get in more trouble…so when I finally confronted him one day after the bell rang and decided I was gonna beat his ass, he b*tched up and ran away. He switched schools the following year because I f*cked with him EVERY SINGLE DAY after he ran from me!
@ The Killa Cal, I think you mentioned that story before in a Facebook note. That’s funny!
This was funny! I hope he reads it. On a side note…remember when Pay Pay got on the bus with that Mohawk? Hilarious!
lmao. So did you confirm or deny the friend request?
Oh, I thought this was gonna be a story about how you tunneled out of detention through a hole concealed by an “HR Puff n Stuff” poster, or somethin’.
Until you go to a Jamaican, Catholic convent boarding school run by sexually frustrated nuns you cannot even begin to understand torture. Dude, three other “inmates” and I once jumped three flights into a hedge beneath my dorm building after cutting the chicken wire surrounding the balcony railing with wire cutters I got on my once every two months month weekend home break. We ran about 100 yards to the back gate with the security dogs (dobermen)chasing us. Climbed a fence with barbed wire at the top which, ripped my dress revealing my 100% cotton school regulation granny drawers just to go meet some boys to go to a party. One o’ the sucka ass broads that escaped with me ratted out the whole group. Let’s just say the British believe in corporal punishment and humiliation techniques. I still got beef with the ho and she bet not even try to consider forgiveness. I don’t give one rass whether it was in 1982…she got a bumba-clawt beatin’ waitin fi har.
You know the patois comes out when I’m pissed. Oooh!! You brought back memories…I need a glass of water or something.
Did I mention this was an all girl school. That heifer showed no solidarity.
LOL…you were a strong kid…most children wouldn’t have made it thru an experience like that…you should’ve started a support group for all the kids she traumatized…I’m sure there were many…
Well damn, she was going hard wasn’t she? That sounds like a traumatic experience to me. lol
ROTFL! @ LEIGH!!!
WOW!! I KNOW SHE DIDN’T MENTION THE MOHAWK!!
THAT IS ONE OF THE TOP 5 PAY PAY MOMENTS EVER.
NUMBER 1 HAS TO BE WHEN PAY PAY FOUND THE STREET DRUG “ICE” AT THE PLAY GROUNDS. LOL!!!
WOW!! PAY PAY’S MOHAWK, CLASSIC!!!!
@ Leigh and Jimmy, Pay-Pay will NEVER live that down! When we’re all in our 50s, I’m gonna say “Man, remember when we were kids and you got on the bus with that f*cked-up mohawk?!”
@ Ms Lovely, I confirmed him. I’m not still holding grudges from 2nd grade
@ anonymousnupe, that would have been a cooler story, but it didn’t happen like that.
@ Common Share, that was crazy! I understand why you’re still mad.
@ BritChick8682 and Brran1, the interrogation quote was exaggerated! I don’t remember what she really said, but I just remember she was trying to intimidate me into confessing.
OMG I remember when Pay Pay found the drugs. Didnt he make the news for that. LOL!
Yeah he took it to school and gave it to a D.A.R.E. officer. LOL! Channel 5 came down and reported it. Ahhhhh Mayfield! LOL!!!
Damn, thats crazy. Big Youngin did that shit? Smart but CRAZY. Cuz remember you had the Basketball goal on the side of your house and did the SHAQ move on it. Brought the whole thing down.
Remember the DARK WARZ. Those where the days. B EZ.
LOL…It was definitely like Shawshank without the multiple rapings.
LOL at Bus.. But the funniest was when the wall we used to jump off of to dunk on the hoop on the side of the house fell over. LOL!!!
CLASSIC!
DARK WARZ….wasnt that when everyone was fighting in the dark? LOL I remember when the basketball hoop came down too! There are so many stories.
@ Alweez, true. There were no grade school ass-rapings.
@ Jimmy and Leigh, mom was MAD AS HELL about that wall! Yeah, “Dark Warz” was when we all fought with the lights out. Somehow, T always managed to get the worst of it!
Yup, that was the shit. Da GOOD ol’Dayz. Pizza from Lil Ceasars in the paper. I ran into the tree down the street from yall house tryin to get away from that dog and it aint even chase us. I flipped over Ms. Brandons fence and landed on my back running away from something (I don’t remember what). Remember T use to HUMMMMM what he ate.
LOL we ate Little Ceasars every single weekend! It never failed. Im trying to remember T humming.
SHE KILLED SANTA!! LMAO
I hate VA
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That had to be Ms. Chance interrogating you. With those long gold or red nails.