I lied to a man’s face today, so I want to use this opportunity to come clean and get right with karma. Near my office, there is a vendor cart on the sidewalk set up each day with all kinds of snacks for sale. On the way to that cart, stands a homeless guy with an Adolf Hitler mustache. Just like the snack cart, Homeless Hitler is right there in that same spot daily, extending his hand to everyone who passes by him.
This morning, I decided to buy some gatorade and a muffin from the vendor cart. I walked right past Homeless Hitler and didn’t acknowledge him when he extended his cupped hand without saying anything to me. So once I reached to pay for my stuff, I realized that I would have to pay with a $5 bill and actually end up getting change back in front of Homeless Hitler. So as the vendor gave me my change, I saw Homeless Hitler heading toward me. I realized that confrontation was inevitable!
When Homeless Hitler got about 4 feet away from me, he said “Do you have a dollar?”
Even though I clearly had $3 in my hand, I put it in my pocket, looked him in the eye and said “No. I don’t have a dollar.” I gave him a look that expressed my extreme displeasure at his opportunistic timing and poor choice in mustache grooming. Before you say anything about me joking his appearance, I must say this: He obviously has access to a razor in order to keep that sinister Charlie Chaplin/Nazi fuhrer facial hair looking the way that it does. Furthermore, I hope somebody puts Das Boot in his Hitler-looking ass for bothering people while they’re trying to buy junk food to get them through the workday!
*Update* Here is a link to the Super Bowl commercials from last night. I am now making a preemptive attempt to balance karma, since I’m headed out to get a chicken sandwich and will probably have to walk past Homeless Hitler one more time.