Its been one Hell of a rough week for a number of very famous people. I was trying to avoid making Michael Phelps pothead jokes after the photos of him hitting a bong made the news, but then two other news stories pretty much forced my hand: A-Rod’s positive steroid test, and Chris Brown’s assault arrest. Now, I have no choice but to speak on things. When I say “speak on things”, I mean jone on people with reckless abandon. So without further adieu, let the jonin’ commence!
Even though Michael Phelps has already lost a lucrative ad deal, I think that he is the one that is most likely to make a comeback from this. The Celebrity Public Relations disaster hierarchy, from “Oh sh*t!” to “It’s gonna be alright” goes like this:
Double homicide > Child Molestation > Rape > Assault > Ethnic Slurs > Steroids > Weed > Sex Tape
As you can see, Mr. Phelps’ offense is on the lower end of the totem pole.
Plus, think about this: Phelps spends 40 hours a week in a pool, has to watch what he eats, and even has to shave off the bulk of his body hair just to do what he does! For a young guy who just won 8 gold medals in the Olympics, I can understand his desire to date strippers and party…like someone who just won 8 damned gold medals! I just hope he learned his lesson and waits until he retires before doing it again. Once he’s done competing, he can start hanging out with Snoop Dogg if he wants, and no one would really care.
Alex Rodriguez isn’t going to have it as easy. Sure, he has put up some amazing numbers and he’s the highest-paid athlete in the galaxy…but when you think about it, those steroids haven’t really done a thing for him once it comes down to crunch time! He needs to invest in some designer steroids that give him enough heart to handle playoff pressure situations or something. Baseball nowadays is at a point where I am no longer surprised when I hear that a superstar is on steroids. All innocence is lost. Then again, my favorite player growing up was Darryl Strawberry, and he was on crack(among other things)…So I was already a little bit jaded.
The only MLB player whom I would be truly disappointed to hear steroid news about is Derek Jeter. Not like I know the guy or anything, but he just seems friendly and likable. Sort of like the baseball version of Mr. Rodgers, or Will Smith or something.
The news about Chris Brown’s arrest actually did disappoint me. The kid is so talented, that I feel bad seeing him get in into trouble this early into such a promising career. Especially this kind of trouble! A sexy-flexy ass R&B singer accused of woman-beating? That’s a tough mental picture to erase.
Think about it: Next time some young lady hears Chris Brown on the radio singing “Lemme take you down, I really wanna take you down…”
…in the back of her mind, she may be wondering “This guy might literally ‘take me down’ with a right hook, then drag me down the street by my weave like Captain Caveman! Let me change the station and listen to Bobby Valentino making sound effects. ‘She ‘gon let me BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!’ Yeah…That’s more like it!”
Also, what is it with guys named Brown and domestic abuse arrests? This trend concerns me!
Seriously though, I hope that things work out for Michael Phelps and Chris Brown. I don’t really care what happens with A-Rod, because he has $252 million to fall back on, should the proverbial sh*t hit the fan.
Lmao….I wanted to see what you’d say about the Chris Brown incident…hmmmm.
Dead@literal impression of take you down!! LOL
You are such a character, lOL!
Well…uh…dude…there you have it.
I did not see Chris Brown goin “Gorilla Pimp” on a broad…she musta really done some shit boy..
Have you heard about Jamal Anderson (former ATL Falcon and current report on ESPN) being caught by an undercover office snorting cocaine on the back of a toilet seat in the club? Now that’s a straight crackhead move. Not his toilet in his home but a public toilet. Ewwww
Any man who hits a woman is a punk and that’s all there is to it. I almost made a joke using the song “No Air” but, I leave it to The Hustleman to provide the laughter. Could you please just come up with one that includes that cut. Luv Ya!!
@ The Common Share, the only time I advocate violence against women is in matters of self preservation. If she’s coming at me with a knife, a hammer, or pot of hot grits, I’m dropping her ass like a bad habit! After that, I’ll call the police MYSELF, and then my lawyer!
@ Thoughtdofasouthergal, I heard about that nasty foolishness. Cocaine obviously really is a helluva drug!
@ Caviar Jones, I’m sure more details will emerge in time.
@ TC, I had to speak on it. They left me no choice!
@ Sheneka, I aim to please ;)
@ Tracy H, I love that song, so I’m going to try not to picture Suge Knight and one of his girlfriends when I hear it from now on!
What tripped me out about the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna incident is that entertainment and news channels had the ordeal going 24/7 in their scrawl at the bottom of the screen. Like the fate of the economy wasn’t important, they had to run a damn Chris Brown scrawl.
I see why you could no longer remain silent. But didn’t we all agree Mr. Rogers had to be a child molester? I thought that was just sort of understood. Those damn sweaters…
Touche`!! We wouldn’t want your swagger messed up by a weapon-totin’ female. Carry on!!
Leon, you don won my heart with your use of sexy-flexy. Big ups to the Boondocks! And I’m also disappointed to hear that CBreezie ponned dat fo’head. *sigh* So much for that clean image of his.
I wonder if there’s any truth to the rumor that she–the big head alien girl–gave him an STD, and that’s what they were arguing about. And why would he run away instead of kicking her out of the ride and then peeling out in the Lambro?! Celebs are stupid. Especially young rich ones.
Ah man that was classic. I love seeing the hierarchy of crimes that you have posted though i would have done a pyramid or something. it works lol.
If only Rihanna and Cbrown would fade into the night and give us a break. i’m about tired of hearing about these two. Even before the “incident/car accident/threats/domestic abuse” thing, I was tired of seeing them everywhere.
You had me at the Bobby V. song. I can’t stand that damn song. BEEPin all over the damn place….sheesh
on the good news tip, don’t forget kelis and nas are pregos. the world has something to look forward to.