Once again, God shows me that he has quite the sense of humor. Over the past week at my gym, I’ve witnessed some serious joke-worthy phenomena. I already wrote about the smelly crackhead from the other day, but I didn’t mention the story of how I literally laughed at a man’s pain as he got hit in the nuts by a basketball. I have to mention it now, because karma struck back with a vengeance!
It was the second play of the game, and the opposing team was coming up the court with the ball. The guy I was guarding suddenly darted up towards the three-point line in an attempt to get open. His teammate saw this, and threw the ball to him extra hard…and extra-low. The ball hit this guy square in the nuts, and he tipped over like a tree that was chopped down with a chainsaw. Instead of checking to see if the guy was alright, I laughed! Then, once I saw other people asking about his well-being, I felt bad and made myself stop giggling with childish glee.
Fast-forward to yesterday…I was guarding some guy that looked like a fake-ass Juan Dixon, and I knocked the ball loose while he was dribbling. During our scramble for the ball, this guy made a wrong turn somewhere around my balls and chopped me across my d*ck! It appeared to be accidental, and it happened really fast, so I decided to try and walk it off without bringing attention to it.
One thing about getting hit in the gonads: the pain gets much worse before it gets any better! I literally had to look down at my d*ck and make sure it was still in one piece, because it felt as if there was a fault line where the bottom half and top half were separated! Like I said before, I don’t think fake-ass Juan Dixon meant to do it, but as soon as the pain set in, my mind went from “It was just an accident” to “I’M GONNA KILL THAT SKINNY LITTLE B*TCH FOR CHOPPING ME IN THE D*CK!”
Luckily, after another trip up the court, the pain went away. Leon Jr. jr. appears to be in fine working order, although I haven’t had anyone volunteer to help me fully test him out since this incident occurred. Ladies, if you’ve hot, and you’d like to volunteer to for a Leon’s Soul Pole Usability Testing session over the course of the next two weeks, send an e-mail to leon@listentoleon.net with a photo and the words “Leon Jr. jr” in the subject line. Thank you in advance for volunteering your time and respective orifices to such a noble and worthy cause!
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smh… i’m sorry… i would NEVER want to experience that type of pain… happy all things are still connected and in “working order” (until confirmation)
After our conversation, I’ve been waiting 2 see how u were gonna tell this story. Once again, i am not disappointed. You sir, are a fool and I am honored to know u. But, seriously I have gotta stop reading your stuff at work. You know I work for Republicans and they think I am in here laughing about Bobby Jindal’s amazingly ridiculous response to Barcak’s speech last night. Can you please write about that…I beg you.
Oops…I meant Barack!! “Barcak”…I must have something else on the brain.
i’ve accidentally smooshed my boobs into random things and people, but, despite laughing hysterically at your trauma, then laughing even harder because it was karma, i kinda feel bad. okay, no, that’s a lie. it’s still hilarious, but i’m glad your junk is in working order.
*makes note to email re: leon jr. jr.*
you’re crazy for this one leon….i am in tears coz of laughter, thanks man!
I’ma send an email right after I put my dentures in! LOL
Leon’s Soul Pole Usability Testing session
“Leon Jr. jr”
You sir are hilarious!!!
Thanks for the morning entertainment!! :)
LMAO@SPUT
I feel your pain. Kinda. Being a woman, I dont think Ill ever, fully understand that kinda pain. The worst Ive ever experienced in that vein is getting hit in the boobs when I have PMS. NOT COOL! I will cut someone behind that kinda pain!
You know we both work in the same area, and I know there are two WSCs here as well. When I read your ” crackhead” post, I wanted to ask you which one you went to soooo badly! I think I have an idea anyways. One of my coworkers goes there, and shes cute too! But Im not going to send her info to your SPUT program…you just gon have to do your own work there, lol.
L