When I was a kid, if you were to ask me what I want to be when I grow up, I would have either said “Spider Man in the black costume” or “Macho Man Randy Savage.” I know that my choices of role models were somewhat silly. You have to realize that I have been hyper and energetic for a very long time! I was that child that the WWE makes those “Do not try this at home” commercials for, because I’d try to put my friends and family in all kinds of wrestling maneuvers, just to see if I could do it like the oversize men fake beating each other up in their underwear on TV. I even used to walk around the house talking like the Macho Man from time to time! I’d walk in the kitchen and say something like “OOOOOHHH YEAAAH!!! I WANT SOME PANCAKES MOM! DIG IT!”
I thought about all of this, thanks to seeing a hilarious entry about Ric Flair over on The Smoking Section, which reminded me of a joke I used onstage before. The premise of my joke was that it would be cool if people could really pull off Ric Flair antics in real life. I know I’d personally love to be able to just slap the sh*t out of someone while yelling out “WHOOOOO!” anytime the urge hits. Trust me, it would never get old! I’d even do Ric’s little signature strut afterwards, or perform the Ric Flair Flop if someone had the nerve to try to hit me back. I wouldn’t even give out Chistmas gifts anymore. I’d give out Figure Four Leglocks! Stylin’ and profilin’ baby! That’s what it’s all about.
Alas, I stopped growing and my dreams of smacking Stone Cold Steve Austin around on live television slowly died. I began to realize my physical limitations back when I was in college. I used to work out like crazy, and one day I realized that short people look funny with big muscles! I was on my way to looking like a Puerto Rican Ninja Turtle! “Michaelangelo!” “Raphael!” “Donatello!”…and “Chico!” a.k.a. Leon.
I decided that I don’t want to be some kind of ninja negro in a half-shell, so I left that wrestling stuff alone. Still, I sometimes wonder what-if. Maybe it could have been me making kids regret their Make A Wish Foundation wish instead of The Macho Man!
LMAO @ “OOOOOHHH YEAAAH!!! I WANT SOME PANCAKES MOM! DIG IT!”
my brain tried to recreate the possible sound of a prepubescent leon mimicking randy savage and hit a ‘cannot compute’.
dude, Chico?! remind me not to read your stuff at work. they already think i’m the ‘angry black chick’, now they’ll think i’m nuts too.
This entry so brought back memories of my older brother putting me in the Figure-Four Leglock when i was really young and my mom and grandma who loooooooooooved wrestling would be like “naw baby you ain’t doing it right” lol…gotta love family!
I think your sister needs to speak on this. Leigh where are u? My older brother used to practice all his moves on my ass. I would never see the shit coming. My mother got tired of me crying and complaining and actually threatened she was gonna whip both our behinds. Me for whining and him for being a general idiot.
the only reason i feel as tho this isnt funny is because i have actually been in a couple of your figure four leglocks, but not only yours but clifton’s too and he would but some emphasis in it and really make u tap.
but on the other hand this is funny cause u really would walk around and act like macho man randy savage lol
wow, me & my co-workers here in good ol’ Fredburg (big building off of Route 3) were talking about rasslin’ just a few hours ago after work.
The Figure-Four Leglock is one of my favorite moves of all time, but it was mad convoluted and simply wasn’t practical for real-life applications. So was the Cobra Clutch. Another ill-ass pain inducing move, not as involved, but you still had to be quick with it to lock your victim up.
In middle AND high school, we’d have mock wrestling matches & battle royals. Totally unorganized, albeit fun as shit. The elbows and punches were thrown with much restraint, clotheslines, not so much.
But bodyslams, piledrivers, suplexes AND DDT’s? fuhgeddaboutit. Man, we went for the gusto.
Come to think of it, I even made a belt.
oh…
N.W.A. >>> WWF
Diamonds are forever…and so are The Horsemen! Whhhooooooo!
oh, do you remember when Savage took the ring announcer’s bell, jumped off the TOP turnbuckle, and smashed that shit into Ricky Steamboat’s esophagus? classic Macho Man moment
& i still can’t believe Leaping Lanny Poffo was Savage’s biological brother
HI-Larious! LMAO! Yous a fool!