Chuck Norris Vs Billy Dee Williams

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you, the ultimate showdown of Macho Masculinity and Grown Man Machismo: Chuck Norris vs Billy Dee Williams, in a battle for pop-culture legend supremacy!

Unless you’ve been living under an internet rock for the past few years, I’m sure you’ve heard of the Chuck Norris facts phenomenon. In response, I created a Billy Dee Williams facts list over here on ListenToLeon.net(which was recently updated with more facts!). I mean, why should Chuck have all the fun? As much as Chuck is a master of the Martial Arts, Billy Dee is a master of the Venusian Arts. In other words, Mr. Williams is to seduction what Mr. Norris is to putting a foot to that ass. Let’s take a play-by-play look at which man is the more valuable national treasure:    

Category 1: Combat
Chuck Norris wins this one, hands down. Billy Dee Williams is a lover, not a fighter. Chuck would beat the mustache and grease off of Billy Dee while barely breaking a sweat.

Category 2: Appeal
Billy Dee Williams comes out on top in this particular category. While Chuck has experienced a renaissance of sorts thanks to the internet, three generations of grown men get the fear of God in them at the mere thought of leaving their women alone in a room with Billy Dee Williams(or as some say, “that ol’ pretty motherf*cker”). I mean, the man single-handedly made Colt 45 sound like some cool sh*t to drink! If that’s not charisma, I don’t know what is.

Category 3: Community Service
I don’t know what type of service work Billy Dee Williams has done, other than giving pleasure to a multitude of women the world over. Chuck however, does a lot of charity work. I have to give this to Chuck for his work running karate classes designed to keep inner-city kids off of drugs and active in the community.

Category 4: Style
One wears his hair slicked back like the black Pat Riley. The other wears nut-hugger jeans and a aerodynamic beard thicker than the hair on some men’s scalp. I have to give this one to Billy Dee Williams, because Chuck has never given a damn about being the best-dressed guy in the room.

Category 5: Versatility
This one also goes to Billy Dee Williams, because he’s played a wider range of characters over the course of his career. When you see Chuck Norris in a movie, you already know someone is getting their face kicked to the other side of their head. While Billy Dee has played more than his share of smooth talkers, he’s also played other roles. Therefore, he takes this category.

Total: Chuck Norris = 2, Billy Dee Williams = 3
Advantage, BILLY DEE WILLIAMS

I’m sure this is going to piss off all of the Chuck Norris fanatics out there, but all you Chuck fans can take solace in this fact: If it came down to a mano-e-mano streetfight, Chuck would kick my ass, Billy Dee’s ass, and most likely, your ass, too. Possibly at the same time. So even though he lost the battle, the war(any war, for that matter) belongs to Chuck and his thunderous roundhouse kick!