Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you, the ultimate showdown of Macho Masculinity and Grown Man Machismo: Chuck Norris vs Billy Dee Williams, in a battle for pop-culture legend supremacy!
Unless you’ve been living under an internet rock for the past few years, I’m sure you’ve heard of the Chuck Norris facts phenomenon. In response, I created a Billy Dee Williams facts list over here on ListenToLeon.net(which was recently updated with more facts!). I mean, why should Chuck have all the fun? As much as Chuck is a master of the Martial Arts, Billy Dee is a master of the Venusian Arts. In other words, Mr. Williams is to seduction what Mr. Norris is to putting a foot to that ass. Let’s take a play-by-play look at which man is the more valuable national treasure:
Category 1: Combat
Chuck Norris wins this one, hands down. Billy Dee Williams is a lover, not a fighter. Chuck would beat the mustache and grease off of Billy Dee while barely breaking a sweat.
Category 2: Appeal
Billy Dee Williams comes out on top in this particular category. While Chuck has experienced a renaissance of sorts thanks to the internet, three generations of grown men get the fear of God in them at the mere thought of leaving their women alone in a room with Billy Dee Williams(or as some say, “that ol’ pretty motherf*cker”). I mean, the man single-handedly made Colt 45 sound like some cool sh*t to drink! If that’s not charisma, I don’t know what is.
Category 3: Community Service
I don’t know what type of service work Billy Dee Williams has done, other than giving pleasure to a multitude of women the world over. Chuck however, does a lot of charity work. I have to give this to Chuck for his work running karate classes designed to keep inner-city kids off of drugs and active in the community.
Category 4: Style
One wears his hair slicked back like the black Pat Riley. The other wears nut-hugger jeans and a aerodynamic beard thicker than the hair on some men’s scalp. I have to give this one to Billy Dee Williams, because Chuck has never given a damn about being the best-dressed guy in the room.
Category 5: Versatility
This one also goes to Billy Dee Williams, because he’s played a wider range of characters over the course of his career. When you see Chuck Norris in a movie, you already know someone is getting their face kicked to the other side of their head. While Billy Dee has played more than his share of smooth talkers, he’s also played other roles. Therefore, he takes this category.
Total: Chuck Norris = 2, Billy Dee Williams = 3
Advantage, BILLY DEE WILLIAMS
I’m sure this is going to piss off all of the Chuck Norris fanatics out there, but all you Chuck fans can take solace in this fact: If it came down to a mano-e-mano streetfight, Chuck would kick my ass, Billy Dee’s ass, and most likely, your ass, too. Possibly at the same time. So even though he lost the battle, the war(any war, for that matter) belongs to Chuck and his thunderous roundhouse kick!
how the F did you calculate those totals? lol
I was sleepy. Let me correct that! LOL
It’s pure sacrilege that you would compare the fine-assness that is Billy Dee Williams to that old dried-up Republican a-hole. Chuck needs a good roundhouse kick to his jaw for some of the BS that he up-chucks on behalf of the party of “hopefully no return”. Billy Dee is a God among men. I can still see him in Mahogany with Diana Ross…..”Fame ain’t nothing without someone you love beside you to share it with.” Oops, panties just plum fell off. *Sighs*
I feel you… but Billy Dee Plugged malt liquor he has to lose points for that… That’s equivalent to LL Cool J plugging Old Spice. Not a good look.
@ Jimmy that’s true, but Chuck makes those extremely boring infomercials for that “Total Gym”, so I could deduct points for that, too. Besides, Leigh just sent me this little tidbit:
Obscure Black History Month Fact of the Day: Billy Dee Williams’ grandfather, who coincidentally is named Willie Dee Williams, created the malt liquor formula for Colt 45 in 1925 in addition to owning the company’s first bottling plant located in Tougaloo Mississippi!
@ Common Share, that’s the only thing that I don’t like about Chuck: His political affiliation. Otherwise, he seems like a stand-up guy!
Well then I guess my beef is with his grandfather for making that Bull Piss! LOL!!
LMAO!! Where in the chitlin hell did Leigh find this story. “The Negro Encyclopedia of WTF”. I’m looking at you all sideways. Y’all related and crazy don’t fall far from y’all’s tree.
next round should be Billy Dee vs. Carl Weathers.
@ JKC, in my best “Chubbs” voice:
“We’ve only just beguuuuuuun”
@ The Common Share, I want to know if it’s true, too. If so, will you love Billy Dee any less? LOL
LMAO @ Jimmy’s “Bull Piss” comment!
I would love him even more. That story would just add to the legend of William D. Williams. *Picturing that seductive half smile right now.*
hmm…i see what you’re saying, but you need an x-factor category. cuz chuck would sweep that joint with ease. billy dee is before my time i believe, but he played a trill ass lando.
LOL I see The Common Share is over here hating on my obscure billy dee fact. :) They should make a Negro encylopedia of wtf!
@Leigh
Girl, I need proof…lol!! Because, I’m sure there are some other juicy tidbits from your source.
@the common share-this guy whos friends with someone I went to HS with posted it as his gmail chat status. He posted alot of random facts. I am going to look into this and keep you posted!
@ the commonshare-Its not true…It was a joke. I am saddened by this news :(
LOL @ Leigh making me think that mess was true! you need to improve your fact-checking!!!
You better run Leon, Chuck is on his way to kick your ass. Billy D better run too. As a matter of fact I think we all better leave.
Hello! Can I, take some pictures from your page for my PC wallpapper?
@ Cat, that’s fine