When Google Snitches On You

Ladies and gentlemen, modern technology is no joke! If you plan on doing any kind of dirt, please be discreet. Furthermore, pay attention to details closer than you ever have before in your life! We live in an era of GPS tracking systems, sattelites, cameras everywhere, CSI Miami and lord knows what else. Unless you are careful, it’s more likely than ever that technology will catch you in the act, and make you it’s bitch.   

For example, this article explains how more and more people are getting caught cheating on their spouses thanks to Google Street View. Soon, snitches are going to need to find a new line of work! Technology could take away the demand for disloyal, bitch-made, fool-ass punks who are willing to tell on their friends. Michael Vick’s buddies better be glad that they turned on him back when they did! Had that foolishness happened in 2009, the Feds would have probably had Google Earth photos of all of them in the act, as well as a receipt from Target for Kibbles & Bits, bullets, a car battery, jumper cables, 35 leashes, Jet Magazine and some orange Tic-Tacs.

The Tic-Tacs and Jet Magazine came from the “impulse purchase” section right near the register. The only reason Jet made the cut was because that particular “Beauty of the Week” was pretty hot…Btu that’s neither here nor there…

Seriously though, if you watch shows like CSI, it would scare you away from ever thinking you could get away with a crime. What they don’t tell you, is that most of that crime lab technology is EXPENSIVE, so much so, that most police departments don’t even have those kinds of resources at their disposal. Still, when comedy makes me wealthy, one of the first things I’m buying is one of those lights that they use on those shows that makes semen glow in the dark. Once I get one, I am sneaking it in the club, them posting up outside the V.I.P. room and flashing it on women’s mouths and dresses, then conducting expose-style interviews for the site:

Leon: “Did you, or did you not fellate your way into the VIP room to hang out with Diddy? Don’t lie to me, lady! The proof is right here in the sparkly speckles!”

VIP Woman – *crying* “SECURITY!!!”

Yep. I’m a jerk like that sometimes. You have to admit, it would be pretty funny if I could pull it off for your viewing pleasure, so think about it this way: I’d be calling folks out, FOR YOU!

To those who are doing dirt, please stay abreast of technology, and cover your tracks accordingly.

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