Yesterday, I read a blog entry that sort of hit close to home with me. Mary Swanson, a writer from relationship blog The Frisky wrote a piece entitled “Dating A Comedian – Don’t Do It!” which was picked up by CNN.com. In it, Swanson described two different experiences where she dated comedians, both of which were negative. The first guy promised not to make fun of her during his show, then broke his promise as soon as he began to bomb onstage. The second guy could not stop doing routines long enough for normal human interaction, and solicited attention from everyone in the room, usually at her expense.
Upon reading about Ms. Swanson’s experiences, I must quote that gentleman and jheri-curled scholar, Jules from “Pulp Fiction”: “Well, allow me to retort…”
Quite frankly, Swanson dated one liar, and one asshole who had trouble separating his work from his personal life. You can meet guys like that in ANY profession, so let’s not label comedians as the only culprits. Jerks are all over the corporate American workforce, from the mailroom to the boardroom. You can find them everywhere from the pulpit of Churches, to the drive through at Churches’ Chicken. The same way, you can find good guys in all of these places, the comedy club included.
In both cases from the blog, the men did not respect Swanson enough to treat her the way that she desired. There are a two time-honored and highly constructive ways to deal with that problem, which are better than telling women of the world not to date guys like me whom enjoy making people laugh:
- Stop dating assholes altogether. I already know that this is too much to ask of most women, but I’m saying it regardless.
- Take a look in the mirror and try to figure out why these guys felt like it was OK to disrespect you. Ladies need to realize that 90% of men are only going to do what you ALLOW THEM to do. The other 10% are usually date rapists or some other sort of violent felon. Carry yourself in a dignified manner, and be assertive when you feel he’s gotten out of line. 9 times out of 10, you’ll be heard and respected. Carry pepper spray or a tazer in your purse if you feel like you’re dealing with someone who might be in that last 10%
As critical as I have been over this particular blog entry, I will admit that there is one constant that comes about whenever I date someone and she finds out I’m a comic. Inevitably, she will ask this question: “You’re not going to talk about me onstage or make fun of me on your blog, are you?”
Depending on how things are going with us, I answer it one of two ways:
If we have no chemistry, whatsoever: “That’s pretty presumptous of you to think that anyone would give enough of a damn about you and your life to want to read about it, or hear about it onstage.”
Anyone else: “The only way I would make fun of you is if you were to do something way out of line, ABOVE and BEYOND the call of horrible…like, throw hot grits on me for no reason whatsoever. Even then, I’d let you know that I’m going to clown you before I actually do it. As long as you’re a decent human being, I won’t make fun of you.”
So you see, the answer is, “Yes, I’ll clown you if you completely and utterly deserve it, but I don’t believe in delivering the comedic version of a sucker punch to my friends just to get a cheap laugh.” I really hope that this cleared things up for the readers of that particular blog entry. Women are still going to go out with me regardless, but hopefully my response today will help the rest of the comedians of the world along the way in their quest to find a soulmate and partner.
I got to say, I date a comedian and he was a total f’ing tool. Always scribbling down shit–ALWAYS–so you could not have normal interactions. Also, he continually was shocked when I said something funny, as if he has the market cornered on funny. Truth of the matter was he was always so busy thinking about being funny that he never actually was…
That being said, I just think he was a total jerk who happened to be somewhat funny and this is how it manifested itself. I got the last laugh with him anyway.
DATED I mean. So many typos. I get worked up about him.
The street gospel…according to Leon.
I have never dated a comedian…but I can agree with some of your arguments here.
Great post.
@ Lemmonex. Didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories! Glad you got the last laugh :) Oh yeah, congratulations on being featured in Washingtonian magazine. I just got the issue the other day
Which ones @ Jazzy? I want to know, since you’ve labeled me the Moses of the Streets!
Lemmonex love the story.
I totally agree Leon, azzholes come in so many professions especially accountants.
A friend of mine just met you recently and seen we were facebook friends and said “oh you know Leon” and I told her you are hella funny and that we went on a date once and you are mad cool, so yes some other comedians may be slightly bi-polar but you my friend are cool people.
Thank you, Desiree. She wrote me on Facebook too, and told me that you two have known each other since age 3!
As you said….a–hats come in all varieties. Generalizing all comedians(or men in general) into one category isn’t fair to the cool, non-a–hat variety, such as yourself. :)
no time to read all the comments, but has anyone mentioned how pimptastic it is that some chick got Kat Williams faced tatted on her shoulder.
I’ve dated a comedian as well – and he had the same problem. He felt required to be funny at all times and it put me off.
awesome post, some very good points.
but for serious, if a girl can’t take a joke, then eff her. that’s pretty much how i feel about anyone.
I have to admit, I’ve dated a couple of assholes in my day, but then when I left them alone because of their stupid antics, I suddenly became the asshole. Ironic. You’re right, though, men will only do what you allow them to do and some of it stems from women and their self-esteem. Most of them think that they can’t do better than what they have or they’re still stuck on the “man they met” or that masked man, rather, and they think that he’s going to magically change back to what he was in the beginning. It’s not going to happen and they never realize that until it’s too late. While a lot of people think I’m a “man hater” they fail to realize that I just don’t take crap from anybody. Oh and people take their experiences too far in categorizing people based on their personal experiences when that’s not always the best thing to do. It happens a lot, even women are categorized. It’s stupid and it’s not healthy.
Comedians are at the “bottom of the barrel” in the entertainment industry for a reason. Comedians are comedians for a reason. These are people that choose to hide their chronic pain
behind jokes/laughter, yet the pain never goes away…No such thing as a happy comedian….
I’ve been dating a comedian for 6 years and I’m personally very happy. Not all women have a good sense of humor — and not all men, either for that matter. You definitely have to have a certain personality type, just like with anyone else, in order to be compatible with a comedian. Just like I couldn’t marry an accountant, not all women can be compatible with the personality type of comedians.
LMAO @ JR’s comment. Wow. Interesting.
Yeah, I’ve never dated a comedian, so I really can’t say. I do know that assholes come in all shapes in sizes, though.
@ Candace, that was my point exactly.
@ Michelle, very true.
LOL @ JR’s pseudo-psychology lesson. You’re basically doing the same thing the article writer did, and that’s lumping an entire group of people with one stereotype. You may as well say “All black people like watermelon” or “all white people can’t dance.” If you’re going to make half-ass generalizations, why not go whole hog!
@ Sage, I feel you. That’s what I was getting at with number 2.
@ dmb5_libra, My thoughts exactly
@ CurlyQ, I can understand how that can be irritating. You have to know how to shut that sh*t off when it’s not joke time.
@ Cephas, that is quite pimpish indeed! That’s why I chose to use that photo.
Thank you @ Kindra
Yes i dated a comedaina a few years back and OMG he was constantly trying to make jokes, granted he was funny but always preforming, would take out a tape recorder at any moment and record an idea for a joke?? A bit odd but funny too, had a poker face the whole time and never laughed if you made a joke. I was like he was the one allowed to make the jokes. Also he let his D celebrity status affect his ego! however I got the last laught by ending it and hell that didnt go down well with him. Dont think it ever happened to him before. He just didnt go out of his way to impress, felt like he thought he didnt have to, he never complimentd you and would always fish for compliments, talked himself up alot….uck what was I thinking! Total and utter gobshite. Will never go near a comedian again. They are odd!
@ Francessca, that guy just sounds like an arrogant, self-absorbed jerk! He’d probably be a jackass regardless of his profession. Thanks for sharing your story. You did the right thing LOL
Thanks Leon
Slightly ashamed at myself for having anything to do with him. You live and learn I guess! :)
As a comedian I guess I have to try and stick up for the rest of my species. However, that’s like saying as a man I should stick up for other men. It’s just not possible to do so and be taken seriously.
I’ve read the CNN.com article and have to agree with the response it’s been getting: That woman is basically a bitter bitch. She just had poor luck in dating two guys who, by sheer coincidence, shared a profession.
In her defense though, despite me calling her a bitch, it is different when dating someone who makes people laugh for a living. A lot of comedians are silver lining people. I for instance always look for an opportunity that will make for a good story on the blog or on stage. However, I don’t go out of my way and announce that I’m doing so to the world in the way that the chopstick/cab driver/Italy comedian did.
Not all comedians are the same. Some record ideas the moment they pop up (which is extremely annoying). Others write them down. I for one store them in my head until I can jot them down in the privacy of my own home. That way I have time to think the story/joke out and to see how it looks in text and how it sounds to my own ears.
Moral of the story: Dating a comedian is like dating an accountant. We all like what we do. However, not everyone knows how to deal with us.
@ Mike, great points. Thanks for your comment.
I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)
You guys are completely missing the point of the article. First of all, I AM a comedian, have been on and off for 10 years. Secondly, no the author is NOT some horrible man hating bitch. She had two crappy boyfriends and an appropriate response that MOST women would have.
I had an epiphany about a year ago about comedy, cracking jokes with new people I met at bars, and how it was KILLING my chances with many of the girls I met.
When you tell jokes to a girl in excess like comedians are prone to do, it comes off as APPROVAL SEEKING. And nothing will turn a woman off faster than approval seeking. Women don’t want some p**sy that puts them on a pedestal and seeks their approval. They want a MAN, confident and sure of himself. Even if you are confident and sure of yourself, when you’re constantly cracking jokes it is PERCEIVED as approval seeking. It’s the ultimate nice guy, beta-male behavior. Women do NOT find this attractive. And they certainly don’t respect it. They’ll definitely think you’re sooooooooooooooooooo funny, and want to be your friend, but they won’t be attracted to you or want to date you.
So it’s not that being funny is bad. It’s the approval seeking that makes girls not want to date a comedian. As a male comedian… if you want a satisfying dating life, you either need to find a way to tone that shit down… or get famous. Because fame trumps anything else. You can approval-seek all you want and still get plenty of dates, as long as you have your own show! ;-)
You’re absolutely right about telling jokes in excess. If you come across as “needy” to a woman, then the chances of success are mighty slim! Thanks for the comment
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