A Swine Flu

I keep hearing about a pork flu outbreak in Mexico, Southern California and parts of Texas. A pork flu, on the nicest weekend of the year so far, weather-wise?! I smell a CONSPIRACY!!!    

Seriously…Some treacherous son of a bitch is waging biological warfare against all us cookout lovers with dreams of barbecue ribs dancing through our heads. If I find out who masterminded this tainted pork plot, I shall dispense the full power of my size 11 shoe, square in his ass. When this happens, I will need to bring a surgical team with me to retrieve my foot afterward, as well as a biohazard expert to sanitize said foot. The fact that I have worked all of this out lets you know how angry I am about swine being tampered with.

The homie Anderson Cooper has all the swine flu facts that you need, so once you read that, you’ll be informed. Then, you can join me as I search for the mastermind behind this epidemic, and join in as I beat that scumbucket within an inch of his life. If it’s a woman behind this, I’ll let you ladies adminster the beating for me, while tape it so we can watch and laugh later on while drinking in celebration!

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This post was written by who has written 1736 posts on Yeah…I said it.

Comedian, writer and shake dancer on the Chippendale's Senior Circuit.

6 Responses to “A Swine Flu”

  1. Jeff 25. Apr, 2009 at 4:56 am #

    the foot in the ass thing to damn funny lol

  2. Teef aka Nonchalant Misfit 25. Apr, 2009 at 12:21 pm #

    No pork on my fork.

    Don’t worry, there’s always the Other White Meat. Y’know, Ashley, Meghan n’ them. They be up in Adams Morgan ,k shit. Drunk White Girls FTW

  3. Cheshire Neko Ookami 25. Apr, 2009 at 4:17 pm #

    First off, do you know ANY weather forecaster who can ACCURATELY FORECAST weather 3 days from now, let alone for the minimum of 7-10 days it takes the virus to incubate in an individual? Not to mention taking that 7-10 days and multiplying it by the number of virus generations it takes the virus to incubate to a pandemic scale?!? Additionally I’d like to say the Pacific Northwest has been getting nice weather off and on through the past 2 months!

    Secondly, A flu virus variant is created by natural genetic selection of the virus. In the case of there being no natural immunity in the population, a pandemic on the scale of the 1918 Spanish Flu can occur. This flu naturally occured in the overcrowded conditions of World War I. It NATURALLY crossed species DNA when chickens, pigs & country boys were being sent to war and crowded in a new area with no natural immunity to the local viruses. This is something that happens IN NATURE when there is a MASSIVE OVER POPULATION of GENETICALLY WEAK MEMBERS!

    So using logic, THERE IS NO CONSPIRACY! OUR LIFESTYLES CAUSED THIS PROBLEM LIKE BEFORE!

    1)WE, are eating MORE MEAT PER PERSON in our diet than our ancestors subsistence lifestyle!

    2) Too keep up with demand, WE OVERPOPULATE the areas our poultry, pork and beef come from!

    3) To control the spread of disease in the OVERPOPULATION OF ANIMALS, they are FORCED to eat ANTIBIOTICS DAILY!

    4) This CREATES BACTERIA that are IMMUNE TO ANTIBIOTICS and VIRUSES like the flu, ARE NOT, AND HAVE NEVER BEEN AFFECTED BY ANTIBIOTICS!

    Something has to give!

  4. ListenToLeon 25. Apr, 2009 at 6:44 pm #

    @ Cheshire Neko Ookami you DO realize that this is a comedy site, don’t you? The entry is meant to be taken as a joke.

    @ Teef, if plans fall through, I might end up in Adams Morgan tonight!

    @ Jeff, glad you liked it

  5. Anon 27. Apr, 2009 at 6:07 pm #

    LMAO @ Cheshire Neko Ookami… looks like SOMEBODY’S off their meds!

  6. nightseyeschaos 27. Apr, 2009 at 8:39 pm #

    I don’t care what they say, I know it’s not the darn swine that done got the flu. I live in Texas and I know pretty darn well the pigs are innocent. It’s these darn 2-legged unclean pigs that be sneezing on crap and not covering their mouth. Babe should feel pretty offended right now, and should be plotting to go put his hoof in the asses of all those that chose to blame his kinsmen.

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