A few months ago, I commented on an entry from comedian Erin Jackson’s blog about a pit bull on the loose in her neighborhood. I could relate, because I used to live on her side of town and I encountered the same thing a couple of times. For the past few years, I haven’t had to worry about anything like that.
That is, until this morning…
Somebody’s black pit bull was wandering around the neighborhood when I was leaving earlier, and as I walked off the front porch, it stared right at me like it wanted a piece of me! I had to pause for a second and think: Do I stay strong, and stand my ground? Or do I scream like a chick in a horror movie and run down the street for dear life?
I then realized that if I let this dog punk me, he might start thinking I’m that dude in the neighborhood to pick on! I am a MAN, dammit! I’m not going to be buying Kibbles n Bits for someone else’s dog, just to keep him from bullying me. I had to stand my ground! Besides, I can’t let my neighbors see me running up the street screaming like a bitch.
I looked the dog dead in the eye, and said “If you take one more step in this direction, I swear to God I will Mike Vick your ass! Don’t test me! I’ll beat the sh*t out you right here in broad daylight!”
The sad part is, I don’t even think the dog took me seriously. It looked as if she rolled her eyes as she walked in the opposite direction. It really doesn’t matter though. All that matters is she left me alone, and I can continue to walk my neighborhood with my head held high!
Oh yeah, all you dog people who are offended by my threats need to get over it. If that dog actually were to attack, it would transform from someone’s pet, to a four-legged instrument of death! I am higher on the food chain then that n*gga, so f*ck ‘em!!! If something happens to that dog today(or to some innocent person), it’s completely the owner’s fault for letting it roam the streets alone. Animal Control is going to end up doing the same thing to him, albeit in a much more humane way.
Besides, let’s be serious: I’m a pretty strong guy, but I’m not really going to fight a pit to the death unless I have NO other alternative! The ghost of Bruce Lee would have to appear to me in a vision, saying “Hit her with that rock! Now, snap her neck!” with Jesus standing next to him co-signing, like “Do it, my child. I completely understand!”
Basically, don’t shoot the messenger…even if that message is harsh!
Related entry: Ruler, the dog that used to chase me when I was little.
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U know its funny to see a fool being chased by a dog until that fool wants to start running in your direction
I am with you on this one. I will “Debo” the shyt out a dog if it tries to bite me. Sorry PETA, but I will.
LOL @ post and comments! Ya’ll are crazy!
This post reminded me when the school bus use to drop my sister and I off on the corner of our street. The bus always stopped in front of this house with a big dog sitting on the porch. We got out on the side where the bus is blocking us. We always had a head start b/c as soon as the bus would drive off, the dog would take off running after us. We finally got smart and told our parents. My mama went down to his house and told him how we had to run home everyday b/c of his dog. He would leave his very big dog on the porch while he picked up his grandson everyday from school. The day we told our parents was the best day ever. No more running from the big black dog.
I used to spend summers in the country at my grandmother’s house, and I will never forget how one year, a neighbor decided to let his dogs outside of the fence. Grandma’s advice: “Take some 409 with you, and spray ‘em in the eyes if they try to get too close.” I feel no shame because those dogs were trained to guard and attack and he had no business letting them out when he knew that kids would be riding right by. Needless to say, we only had to spray them once.
“The ghost of Bruce Lee would have to appear to me in a vision, saying “Hit her with that rock! Now, snap her neck!” with Jesus standing next to him co-signing, like “Do it, my child. I completely understand!””
*DEAD*
we used to stuff nylon stocking with tough steak and rat poison. throw it at the dog then watch it gobble it down only to die a slow death…..dont let ur dogs lose kids will kill it.
“If you take one more step in this direction, I swear to God I will Mike Vick your ass!”
One of these days your going to make me literally die of laughter.
On a related note, my homegirl has like 4 pitbulls.
Why you ask?
It’ a long story.
Needless to say one night when I was over there I decided to have a stare down with one of them. Damn dog barked all unexpectedly and scared the poop out me, then just sat there looking at me, “like you a bitch.”
My homegirl was looking at me like you better stop effing with them dogs. I did.
Our neighbors in Jamaica had the nastiest, ugliest dog I’d ever seen. One day walking home from a friend’s house, son-of-a-bitch ran out the gate and started chasing me down the street. I was running so fast that I couldn’t make the right turn to go into my yard, plus the that devil-dog was on my right. My father and brother heard me screaming and ran out the house with cricket bats and whooped his ass but, not before he got his teeth into my young, plump calf. I could have left it at that but, I’m a Scorpio and “revenge is a dish best served cold”. Let’s just say a dog’s bark is never the same after a mouthful of sand down the throat.
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