OMG! WTF! LOL!

As a result of my limited wifi access at home, I have made it a point over the past few days to write more offline, and unplug myself in order to refresh my batteries. I have learned two things from this process:

1. “Unplugging” doesn’t work for me, because the more active I am, the stronger my creativity flows.
2. When I do go online, I realize that I have forgotten little pieces of nerd culture, like acronyms.

So as you see, I NEED to be an internet nerd! It’s a part of my identity now. I come up with jokes a lot faster when I have instant access to silly news, events and perspectives from all over the world. Otherwise, I’ll have to drink, party and fornicate every night for the rest of my life in order to keep you all interested in what I have to say on a daily basis.    

If I go that route, I probably won’t last more than two more years. I say this, because when I do something unproductive and self-destructive, I tend to excel at it!

When I drink, I sometimes turn into a high yellow version of the Incredible Hulk and go on a rampage. It’s nothing to see me outside the club flipping over cars in the parking lot, or ripping up fire hydrants on city streets because I got thirsty. It’s not a pretty sight at all.

When I party, it’s not like anything anyone on this Earth has ever seen. You know the term “All Hell done broke a-loose”? The phrase was coined from the night I got kicked out of a strip club for improper tippage of the b*tches. I wanted to make it rain onstage but I only had three dollars and a bunch of change in my pocket, so I threw the coins in the air and made it hail on them hoes!

Apparently, that sort of thing is frowned upon, so I went to Hell and threw a party next door to Satan. I caused enough of a ruckus for Satan to physically separate Hell from my party. Hence the term “All Hell done broke a-loose.” Trust me, Leon parties every night are not good for society on a whole.

When I fornicate…Well, let me just say this: My stroke is nicer than Michael Phelps! I am like an Olympic Gold Medalist when I am swimming up in it. To doubt or oppose my greatness in this area would be an exercise in futility. Like any Olympian, you must cherish and embrace the moments and memories created by what I do.

I cannot perform these feats of wonder every night either, because I need to have the right woman to showcase this greatness on. Think about it, you never see Michael Phelps out there swimming at your grimy little local outdoor community pool, do you? He does his thing at world class facilities. Therefore, I must reserve my epic performances for women hot enough to facilitate all of this *looking down*

So yeah, I hope you all got some LOLs and ROTFLs from this, because it took my mind away from trying to figure out what certain acronyms mean when I see them online. When I logged on Twitter ealier today, I was like WTF are some of these people taling about? IDK what that stuff means! However, this entry has given me a means to escape the onslaught of acronyms I can no longer interpret. Leon FTW!!!