Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I still haven’t jumped on the “sexy vampire” bandwagon. Every time I cut on the TV or get on the internet, I hear someone talking about Twilight or HBO’s True Blood. I have no doubt that both of these franchises are entertaining, but I just can’t get with the concept of vampire romance.
5 Reasons Leon Will Never Fall In Love With A Vampire
- Vampires are undead, and most dead things stink. – I’ve yet to see a vampire take a shower and apply deodorant in any of the films or TV shows I’ve seen them in. Therefore, I assume they smell bad, and poor hygeine is a turn-off.
- They bite people. – A few gentle bites and nibbles in the heat of passion is a good thing. Sometimes, it’s downright great! Breaking the skin and drinking my blood however, is where I must draw the line. Not one single part of that sounds sexy to me.
- Bats are basically mice with wings, which makes them disgusting. – If vampires turned into cute creatures, like puppy dogs or majestic ones like bald eagles, then I might be able to deal with it. Bats, however, are not cool.
- You can’t take a vampire with you to a cookout. – I don’t know if they changed the rules for these new vampire movies, but usually vampires can’t come outside until after dark. Summertime cookouts are a must for me. I don’t want to have to remember to fix a plate for my undead girlfriend every time I go to one for the rest of the summer.
- Vampires are a bit too pale for me. – I’m already a light skinned black guy. If I should ever get a vampire pregnant, our bastard half-undead child might come out transparent. Then again, that would probably be the least of my worries, considering I have a Dracula for a baby’s momma.
LOL!!!
Those are 5 good reasons, right?
LMAO @ I don’t want to have to remember to fix a plate for my undead girlfriend. No sir. LOL
They got so many crazy characters on TrueBlood…shift shapers, humans drinking vampire blood to get high…I don’t find the vamps sexy…but I am way into that show…Twilight is for the teenagers.
Again…WHY are you that way? ROFL!
Yeah, Leon. Something may be wrong with you,lol. True Blood is the sheet ;-) Watching it will demystify your funny theories about vampire/human love. But you’re right though, those sucker don’t wear deodorant and probably have serious BO, ha haha.
…BTW if it helps to convert you, True Blood has a little too much sex, I think it helps keep/attract their male audience, lol.
@ Passion, I was torn as to whether or not to use that line onstage, but I think I’ll give it a try now :)
@ Sasha and Gabrielle, I’m going to check out that show. 80% of the time, I end up liking HBO Original programming, so it’s a good chance I’ll get into True Blood.It’s amazing how good of a reputation they have built for themselves off the strength of their shows.
@ Creole in DC, once again, because I got a spoon thrown at my head when I was a child! http://listentoleon.net/index.php/2006/06/09/the-spoon-heard-round-the-world/
I’ve always thought vampires were hot, but never did think of that turning into a bat thing. I hate bats. But I think they don’t have BO *because* they’re dead but since they move and whatnot theyre not like stale. No sweat, no booty juice, nuthin’…
I must admit that True Blood is that thang! It has just enough murder, sex and an interesting plot, to keep us all watching! Sorry Leon but I think you aren’t watching with the right person! LOL
i don’t really get the phenomenon either. that Twilight drivel is just an allegorical repressed sex fantasy.
Well I just got into the True Blood. I got the whole first season on my Netflix so I can catch up and I am currently reading Twilight. Yep I’ve jumped into the sexy vampire trend headfirst. I’m ashamed.