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Televised Funerals | Yeah...I said it

Televised Funerals

As I watch Michael Jackson’s memorial service, I had one of my trademark “so ignorant it’s brilliant” thoughts: Wouldn’t it be cool if you ALWAYS had the option to watch funerals on TV, instead of having to actually be there?

I don’t know about you all, but I hate going to funerals. A big reason is because I hate looking at dead bodies of people that I knew, especially if the mortician didn’t quite get everything right. Watching it on TV might spare me some of the nightmares and unsettling thoughts that come with actually being close to the body.

Unfortunately, everybody is not a celebrity, and won’t have Mariah Carey or Lionel Richie singing at their funeral. At least this way, when Deacon Delgato and them start singing crappy solos, you can change the channel or go use the bathroom.

It also seems that most churches that hold funerals get overcrowded and hot. Two words to describe watching it at home: Air Contiontioning!

Emotions can cause people to act out of character. Sometimes, old drama comes to the forefront, and people forget all about conducting themselves with dignity. So if the deceased had a wife, but his side piece showed up to the funeral crying and carrying on, you can Tivo the ensuing fight and watch it over and over again. Maybe that’s a little wrong, but it’s some sh*t that I would do, since I’m a bit of a jerk like that.

I think I’ve made my point about advantages of televised funerals. It kinda sucks if EVERYBODY watches it on TV and like 3 or 4 people show up for the actual event, but I’m going to look into a way to invent “Instant Televised Events You Don’t Want To Be At”, then sell it and get paid like a mofo…

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Comedian, writer and shake dancer on the Chippendale's Senior Circuit.

5 Responses to “Televised Funerals”

  1. Krisha 07. Jul, 2009 at 7:53 pm #

    aside from the folks that just can’t be there for GOOD reasons (money, travel, baby on the way, etc), people like me, who get way too nervous can see and hear what’s going on without fear of a panic attack or puking on aunt mabel’s satin pumps.

  2. CurlyQ 08. Jul, 2009 at 9:51 am #

    see… if this were an option – I might not ever go to another funeral. But then again – cable tv sucks enough as it is – no one needs to be bored by some random folks funeral.

  3. Sub-Rosa 08. Jul, 2009 at 7:21 pm #

    call me morbid but death of people I know usually isn’t real until I see the body…

    I also find it terribly interesting (in a voyeuristic way) to watch other people mourn…

    I guess I’m just strange that way…I should have gone into Funeral directing, but i was half-way through grad school when the interest hit me…oh well *shrug*

    thanks for letting me share

  4. Eathan 09. Jul, 2009 at 11:15 am #

    So ignorant..it’s brilliant!

    I’d so watch them. I hate being wigged out by the body and people falling out. I usually avoid them. But knowing me..I’d DVR them and only watch the highlights. lol

  5. Cephas 13. Jul, 2009 at 2:54 pm #

    tv funeral would be hot. especially if they read your words of mourning off a community twitter page put by the casket.

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