Let me begin this entry by saying that you are all special, and wonderful. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently. I mean, you’re here. You’re alive. You have internet access. My friend, you are quite blessed! Think about it, before you even had the ability to form a memory, you won a race against millions, just for the right to grow up and get offended by something I might happen to put on this site. In essence, you are the Usain Bolt of your daddy’s nut sack! The Michael Phelps of your momma’s Olympic sized pool of love! It does not get more outstanding than that.
It totally could have been worse. Be glad your father had enough social skills to get laid. Otherwise, it wouldn’t matter how fast you are in a race. You’d still end up meeting an undignified fate of being crumpled up in some napkin or wiped up with a crusty towel or sock or something. Think about all those dead babies people produce daily thanks to internet porn, and realize that YOU WERE SKEETED INTO A LIFE OF GREATNESS!
- You were NOT swallowed by your momma’s filthy little hot mouth!
- You were NOT randomly shot onto the bed during some last minute pullout attempt!
- You made your pleasure-filled escape, and swam DIRECTLY TO YOUR DESTINY!
So remember the dead babies some 15 year old kid is somewhere working on this very minute while watching Cinemax, and be grateful for your chance at life!
This motivational speech is courtesy of the #LeonRandomChallenge on Twitter. I told my Twitter followers that I can make ANY topic funny, and urged them to give me a challenge. The first topic suggested to me was “dead babies.” How do you think I handled it?
Tweet
Leon, I pray to White Jesus that one day you’ll get the therapy you so desperately need… this was pure CRAZINESS!!
lol
Skeeted into a life of greatness. Hahaha. Leon, you crazy!
Topic was too easy.
You handles it masterfully.. but still a bit on the easy side.
You.are.a.fool!
Chocolate Giddy Up…you are too funny!
Hey my daddy had enough social skillz for 13 of us little swimmers to make it up the mountain, so I get you! Excellent Leon!
BTW i clicked on one of your links, so you can…see some green!
Leon…you are crazy! I had to laugh out loud at the reference to Usain Bolt of my daddy’s nutsack….
Two thumbs up for your treatment of this topic.
You have issues my friend…lol
Genius my dude.
lol @ Jaded NYer “pray to white Jesus”
DEAD!
I SO wasn’t expecting this. You are one sick, funny, genius. :P