My plan to stop drinking soft drinks has succeeded! I went through a few minor challenges over the course of this soda-free month, but nothing could stop me. My willpower is way too strong! That’s right Pepsi, my will just bitch slapped you AND your little punk ass friend Coke, then took your lunch money! Keep on… The will just might snatch your jewelry and make you pay to get it back!
Below, I’ve outlined a few of the challenges, and how I came to the realization that I’m completely over soft drinks.
Going To Bed Earlier - I realized that I don’t crave caffeine as much when I go to bed earlier. However, going to bed early and being a right-brained, creative blogger with a regular 9-5 day job don’t really go together all that well. I’m still working on ways to cope with wanting to take a nap in the middle of the day after lunch. I don’t have a place where I can sneak off to take a catnap without being discovered, so I’ll just have to manage and be strong.
The Evil Taunts of Santa Claus – In the office, there is one Coke can sitting in the refrigerator left over from a meeting. The can has an illustration of Santa Claus on the side of it. During my weaker moments earlier this month, I wanted a taste of soda so bad, that the Coke Can Santa started talking to me.
Coke Can Santa: I’m all yours. Come and get it.
Me: I always thought that if I ever got to a point where an inanimate object started talking to me, it would at least be a sexy woman.
Coke Can Santa: You know you want me bitch! Come on. Taste my love all up inside your hot mouth.
Me: SANTA! Are you gay?! Does Mrs. Claus know you talk like this?
Coke Can Santa: You can’t resist me. I OWN YOU! Make it easy on yourself…
Me: Shut the f*ck up, fat man. You never gave me that LL Cool J Kangol and dookie rope chain I wanted in the 80′s, so F*CK YOU, SANTA!
Coke Can Santa: You’ll be back. With your weak ass.
As you can see, that was the moment I hit rock bottom. The good thing is, I had nowhere to go but up, after have an argument with an illustration on a soda can. Nowhere to go but up, or to therapy. Luckily, up was the destination for me!
Thanksgiving Day a.k.a The Cheat Day – On Thanksgiving day, I ate like it was going out of style. I did this, and drank water with my meal. At the end of the evening, I decided to give myself a cheat day like bodybuilders do when they train, and drink a Pepsi.
That cheat day thing was a BAD decision. I couldn’t even finish the can of soda. It felt like I was drinking syrupy sludge. Plus, the bubbles felt as if they were slowly burning through my lips. It ‘s a damned shame that I can drink Jack Daniels straight with no problem whatsoever, yet I can’t get through a 12 oz can of Pepsi. I probably NEED the Jack in order to take the edge off the soda!
Free Coke In Silver Spring – Earlier today, I walked past people giving out free Coke in downtown Silver Spring, MD. In the summer, I would have considered it my lucky day and played the lottery afterward. After the Cheat Day incident however, I said “No thanks” and kept it moving.
I don’t think you all understand the significance of what I just wrote. I rarely ever pass up opportunities for free stuff! So for me to look at the Coke people like they just offered me an anthrax smoothie with agent orange flavor boost says a lot.
Yes bitch, congratulations are in order! I officially drink more water than at any other point in my life, and I’m free of my soda addiction. My sexy shall be preserved for decades to come. Embrace this powerful moment, for you are witnessing unofficial sex symbol history!
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And while we’re at it, what’s “soft” about the drinks anyway?
“with your weak ass”
i officially hate that i love you
LMAO hahahaaaa preserving your sexy huh bwaaahahaaa
LOL Congrats, Leon!
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