My bank card was stolen on Friday night. Usually, that’s not a laughing matter, but I have to give it to whoever the thief was: he or she had one hell of a night with it!
Once I realized my card was gone, I did some research and made a few phone calls. My findings were that someone ran up a $122 tab that night at some restaurant or bar in DC(most likely the Adams Morgan area). I then logged off the internet, and logged on the nigga-net, to ask a few questions.
I have come to these conclusions about the thief:
- It was probably a man. I say this because well, my name is Leon. That would be one highly unlikely name for a woman, thus raising red flags.
- The thief likely has no game, whatsoever. Unless this guy has a liver made of steel, there’s no way he ate and drank $122 worth by himself. He was probably buying drinks for every woman he saw in the club, hoping to get one drunk enough to have sex with him. I hope his credit card treachery got him laid…by an AIDS-infested succubus spider bitch from the 5th level of Hell.
- I don’t have to worry about the money, so I probably won’t kill him. Probably. There are only two things in this world that someone can do to make me mad enough to seek the vengeance as if 25-to-life never crossed my mind. The first is harm a family member of mine. The second, is mess with my money. The bank said I’m not responsible for the thief ‘s purchases, so I do not feel the need to cut this person’s heart out with a butter knife and slow-roast it over a campfire in front of his children. That would be a little extreme. Still, if by some chance my nigga-net bartender & bouncer sources come through for me, I’m knocking out this guy’s front teeth. The next Leon he’ll be compared to, is Leon Spinks.
- This fool taking my card was sort of a blessing in disguise. Losing my card forced me to take a closer look at my finances, and I realized that I spend a lot of money on pointless stuff. It lead me to decide that I’m taking a break from going to restaurants and clubs unless it’s related to work somehow(the day job, or this website). I sort of needed to do this, because there aren’t enough hours in the day for me as it already stands. Why not spend the ones I do have control over doing constructive stuff, instead of eating unhealthy food & drinking with friends?
As you can probably guess, I didn’t let this situation keep me down. I still had a great weekend, despite having to talk on the phone with my bank for a half-hour on Saturday. You can steal my identity, but you can never truly be Leon! My spirit is unshakable! My demeanor is unflappable! My whole style is un-f*ck-wittable! I cannot be stopped!
At least they didn’t steal your credit card and purchase a $700 FAKE Gucci purse. :| Yeah, I said it. $700 for a knock off. I was too mad!
yay! i’m so happy u found the silver lining!! my card has been stolen, and that mofo bought all his friends gas and mickey d’s. wtf?? lol
Ha. This isn’t identity theft. Identity theft would be for them to apply for a mortgage and credit cards in your name, get them, run em up, and you don’t know until you go to apply for something or run your own credit report and find out your house has been foreclosed–even though you never bought a house. <–extra run-on sentence!
You are taking this way better than the “missing” phone situation. :)
Glad this matter got resolved…
Hilarious! That happened to me around the holidays… I’m a shopper and I probably wouldnt have noticed but they were shopping in stores I never shop in so that’s the only reason I even noticed… I was like, “What’s Kohl’s?”
ImNotBougie said, “What’s Kohl’s?”
I find the name and the comment ironic. Then again, you may not have a Kohl’s out there. Either way, that made me smile.
damn man that sucks. its good that you didn’t lose that much though. a few years back my mom had her identity stolen and the person/people made over $500 of purchases in an Abercrombie in Cali. Now, we’re in Atlanta, and no one in my fam wears Abercrombie….so u can guess who must have done that shit. but yeah man, glad it got resolved without u havin to kill any1!
Considering the mishaps you’ve experienced over the last couple of months(your phone, etc.), I’m glad you were able to see the positive. Sometimes it takes situations like this for us to reevaluate how we’re doing things.
But yeah, be careful! You know what I went through with my card info being stolen. No bueno! lol
This happened to a former co worker of mine who lost his ATM/debit card. He asked me to help him figure out what he should do. Once I saw the charges that were made on his debit card (Domino’s and Dallas BBQ’s on the same day), I thought to myself, “a fat person must have ran up these charges.”
He was so clueless as to how can someone charge his ATM card without them knowing his PIN #! Dumb ass! I tried to explain to him that they don’t need a pin, just as long as there was a Visa or a Mastercard logo on there, then it’s a free for all. Sadly, he didn’t get it.
This guy stole my credit card then set up an email which was close to my name and tried to buy porn. What a loser. Get a job Erinclarkt@yahoo.com
hiya all, i’m really bored on the internet so you all should email me if you are also, strike up a convo :). or possibly myspace, my name on there is logan polosky