Dear Andray Blatche,
Grow the Hell up.
Before you start to think that this letter is completely negative in tone, let me take time out to say “Thank you” for the way you stepped your game up on the court this season for the Washington Wizards. Your play has been the one glimmer of hope in an otherwise abysmal year. Now that I’ve gotten the compliment out of the way, I must now talk about you for the way you quit on your team the other night.
Quite frankly, your attitude has held you back. Initially, I thought you were just another power forward-sized fellow who thinks he’s a guard, kind of like Antoine Walker or a poor man’s Lamar Odom…Oh yeah, one who also has a thing for hookers. Luckily, I was wrong, and you do have more game than I gave you credit for. I never would have imagined in 100 years that you’d be relevant enough for me to write about over here, so for that I commend you. Unfortunately, it also appears that you are an immature, selfish hothead who is impossible to coach. Washington’s season is terrible enough as it stands. Please don’t be a jerk and add to the negative headlines.
I’m not sure what your contract situation is, but I know the team has been cleaning house since the Gilbert Arenas fiasco. With the promise you’ve shown in the last 16 games you’ve played, I’m sure you’ll get paid to play somewhere. Still, it doesn’t take a genius to see that you’re setting yourself up for failure with your antics. You get paid a lot of money to play a kid’s game. On top of that, you have fame, which begets easy groupie ass. There is no reason for you to be unhappy out there, aside from the win-loss record.
Here, let me help you put it in perspective: You have no college degree, and you don’t work well with others. Based on this criteria, you are one horrible injury and a bunch of bad financial decisions away from being the world’s tallest Payless Shoes employee. Enjoy this opportunity that God has blessed your big ass with! I do want to see you succeed. Just remember that even though you’re a rich athlete, you are still someone’s EMPLOYEE, and NOT the one calling the shots. All that’s missing is the professionalism, Andray.
Oh yeah, just to show you that I actually do have good intentions, I am myself resisting the temptation to make fun of the name “Andray.” It could be worse. You could be named “Muaykal” or “Urrnest” or something…Tweet