America Online is allegedly celebrating it’s 25th birthday. I can’t believe that AOL is really 25 years old. Who had the internet in 1985? The only thing I remember about computers from back then is “Oregon Trail” and printing stuff on paper that was attached to other pieces of paper. Making big-ass pixelated “HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!” banners and whatnot.
When I was a kid, my Dad bought me one of those Radio Shack “Tandy” computers that you had to hook up to the TV set to use. I was all of 6 or 7 years old, and he got mad at me for not using it enough. I didn’t like that system with the big-ass one-color dashes & bars enough to learn how to become an 80’s computer hacker, or whatever future goal Dad set for me in his mind.. Plus, the machine only had one game on it, which was some off-brand version of “Pong” where you went back and forth trying to hit a damn dot.
Dad took that piece of crap computer back to punish me for not using it. Yes, I got “punished” for going outside and playing with my friends as opposed to sitting in front of a screen typing nonsense and chasing a dot back and forth. That’s if you can actually call what he did “punishment.” I called it a relief.
I’m telling this story in order to illustrate my point: Who in the Hell had the internet in their home back in 1985? It was probably the same people with those 1st generation cell phones that looked like a brick and came attached to a giant backpack. Also, what sites were around back then? This was back in the day when TV would go off after a certain hour. Can you imagine going to Google after 2AM and seeing white noise static? Or getting your search interrupted by the Emergency Broadcast System? The internet in 1985 had to SUCK!
Google can probably answer these questions for me, but making jokes about it is way more fun.Tweet