If I lived in NY, I’d have much more comedic material. Currently, I’m in Manhattan at a conference, which is why you all haven’t heard from me in a few days. My internet access is limited, since I’m a cheapskate who refuses to pay an extra $16 a night for the wifi. Sure, I could talk the company into getting it for me, but then I run the risk of actually getting fired for blogging. Since I highly doubt that many of you readers would sponsor my professional blogging career, I can’t take that chance. Plus, that would kind of make me your bitch, when you really think about it.
Back to my original statement…New York City is chock-full of joke opportunities just waiting to happen. Before I even made it to the hotel, I looked out the window of my cab and saw some guy walking down the street in nothing but a loin cloth. The funny thing is, no one around him paid him any mind, almost as if his Shaka Zulu getup was normal. I later found out that I arrived around the end of a major Gay Pride parade, and that fellow’s Tarzan attire was actually quite tame in comparison to some of the other people that day.
Later that night, I stopped by the bar at my hotel, since I didn’t have anything to do for work until 10:30 the next morning. I befriended a married salesman who bought me drinks in exchange for me being his wingman as he talked to women at the bar. To his credit, he’d stop and back away after awhile, so technically no vows were broken. I think he just likes to see if he still “has it” as far as his game is concerned.
Sadly, the good times took a turn for the hilariously ridiculous. After opening conversation with this pretty Russian woman whom I’m pretty sure was a high-class hooker, the salesman walked off for a bit. When he returned, he was snorting and sniffling, while noticeably less laid back. He went from not caring about the fact that I was just talking to these obviously married-or-working-in-the-sex-trade women, to saying things like “COME ON MAN! YOU’VE GOT TO F*CK ‘EM, CAUSE I CAN’T!”
I lied to him and said that I’d do my best to penetrate the Russian chick, and he walked off to talk to some guy whom I later found out saw him getting high in the bathroom. He kind of stayed there, bothering that guy for the rest of the night.
Upon the salesman’s departure, the Russian chick asked me to leave with her to go get cigarettes. As nice as her probably fake breasts looked, I politely declined and said I have to work in the morning. She smiled and we said our goodbyes. I closed my bar tab, and on my way back to my room, I saw another guy from the same bar in the lobby holding the Russian chick’s hand, trying to convince her to come upstairs with him. It sounded more like begging than anything else, but I just acted like I didn’t see it, rather than laugh at the poor guy. See? I’m capable of taking the high road sometimes!
That was day 1 of this trip, and I didn’t even have to leave the hotel to witness all of this. I cannot wait to see what other randomness transpires throughout the course of my visit to NYC.
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How long are you there?
I saw you tweeted about somewhere to go but you’re more midtown and the places I know are downtown.
Try The Coffee Shop in Union Square, its a 24 hour diner, but has a lounge downstairs, not sure how hot it is on a weekday, but its no cover, good drinks, music and desserts, they also have a bar upstairs which you might like.
Another place is Cafeteria, more of a 24 hour restaurant, would be more fun/cool if you have someone to roll with.
If you feel so inclined, check out the 40/40 club, a bit pricey, but just a nice spot to check out.
Have fun!!
this is asinine.
@ Dumb, …& yet you took the time to comment about it. Ol’ punk ass internet heckler!
@ MsDailey, thanks. I’ll remember your advice next time I’m up here.
Wow and wow (LOL). Thanks for cracking me up as usual.
So what type of conference are you attending?
Gotta love NYC. Its got the best and the worst the world has to offer.