I’m sure you’re all tired of the LeBron James free agency saga. However, I must write about it once more since it gets more ridiculous by the hour. I’m having a hard time figuring out whose the bigger jackass, Lebron, or Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert. Right now, I’m leaning towards Dan Gilbert, because his bitch-ass owner scorned letter has prompted me to bring the Pookie Award for Crackhead Excellence out of retirement. If you have not read this letter in it’s entirety yet, I highly recommend that you do, because it’s unintentionally hilarious. In the meantime, I am sending Mr. Gilbert the following notification:
TweetCongratulations, Dan Gilbert! Your decision to write an angry email in Comic Sans font, then share it with the entire world without asking any your PR people “is this a good idea?” is being rewarded in the form of a Golden Crackhead trophy. You earned it, buddy!
Dan Gilbert, LeBron James owes nothing to you, or the city of Cleveland. Sure he could have been less of a diva, but he played 7 seasons of spectacular basketball unrivaled by anyone not named “Bryant” and basically made your franchise relevant again. Mark Price was the last Cleveland Cavalier anyone gave a f*ck about before LeBron. James is 26 years old, rich and lived in Cleveland his whole life. Why wouldn’t he choose to live in Miami with it’s nice weather, beautiful women, and a squad that’s already better than last year’s Cavs with only 4 players on the roster? N*gga, I could run the point for the Miami Heat, and they’d still win at least 50 games! Y’all had a good run, but you should have put together a backup plan, which you obviously didn’t.
I understand you’re being upset, considering you watch millions of dollars just walk out the door on live television. Not only that, those millions are going to walk right back in that same door and kick your ass 4 times a year, not counting the playoffs. Still, I really can’t believe you tried to put a curse on LeBron like Miss Celie from the Color Purple! “Until you do right by Cleveland…” What type of stupid sh*t is that? It’s almost as silly as that championship guarantee of yours. Is Antawn Jamison supposed to fill that void? No disrespect to Antawn, but you see how that worked out for the Washington Wizards…
You managed to call LeBron James everything short of an uppity n*gger in that open letter. I’m sure that’s going to woo all kinds of free agents to Cleveland(sarcasm, in case you’re not following). In light of your ill-conceived passive-aggressive digital rant, you are the latest recipient of the Pookie Award for Crackhead Excellence. You join an esteemed group that includes Michael Richards, Michael Irvin, Plaxico Burris, and many more. In the meantime, here’s something to cheer you up. See, you’re not the only punk b*tch out there…although that kid is 3 years old, so there’s still hope for him.
Cleveland centered everything around one man that they knew one day would eventually leave. Instead of investing into building a better basketball team around him by aggressive recruiting/trade the Cavaliers hired his family and closest friends, allowed organizations he was affiliated with perform during games, and put him in a position that could be compared to the most important piece in a teetering game of Jenga. I hated the way that Lebron handled this whole trade…. instead of having a simple press conference in Miami and/or simple press release announcing his decision, he and the management at ESPN thought that it would be a great idea to have an hour special aptly named “The Decision” and made James look like a spoiled DIVA…
And that image would have been prolonged, but due to the recent actions of Dan Gilbert and the city of Cleveland, his move looks quite favorable. Gilbert referring to James as “The King” in a negative tone sounds like scorned lover. It took everything Gilbert knew not to call Lebron an “uppity n******.” And the city burning jerseys and shit…. yeah maybe it was time for James to leave. I understand they are mad, but shit, he gave them seven years of his life and they couldn’t have his back.
IMO, James only mistake in this whole ordeal was to go on Nat’l TV for an hour when it only takes 2 minutes to make an annoucement…
Then again, as J. Cooper mentions “…And that image would have been prolonged, but due to the recent actions of Dan Gilbert and the city of Cleveland, his move looks quite favorable…” plus that Miss Celie shit Gilbert did, WTF!?
I got the feeling that this guy also has uttered a few n-bombs here & there, talking ’bout the old Days (not so long ago, IMO) when no of us could or would talkback in fear of ending up like Miss Sofia.
Owners in all pro-sports have/are/will fuck players over, so for once it’s OK for them to actually turn the tables…