Someone walked past my desk and let out a silent-but-violent drive-by fart this morning. The culprit was a slick one, because it happened around the time when 3 or 4 people were walking past. I can’t even do anything petty to seek vengeance, because I’d have to go after way too many people. I am pretty sure that “Office Jihad” is enough to get most people fired, so I won’t get any vindication or get-back today. I just have to take an “L” in this particular situation.
The only saving grace is that my mouth was not open at the time. Otherwise, I’d have had to yell out “ALRIGHT PEOPLE! WHICH ONE OF YOU FARTED?! HAVE YOU NO DECENCY?! WHAT THE HELL?!” and make a scene. I trying to keep my inner Angry Black Man under control during office hours, so I’m glad it didn’t have to come to that.
This reminds me of something Jason Richards*correction: Jason Alexander* who played George Costanza on Seinfeld once said. I can’t remember the actual quote, so I’ll give you the Leon version: The key to getting unexpected laughs when someone is talking to you is to look at them like they discreetly farted and they don’t think that you know that they farted…but oh, you KNOW they just farted! It’s a look that expresses disgust with a slight bit of confusion. A look that silently says “I don’t believe you just did that…You nasty motherf*cker!” Try it sometime. It’s fun!
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LOL!
@ Phoenix7, Seriously, try looking at someone like that today. I guarantee you’ll enjoy it!
Leon, I’m still laughing. Sorry!
Also, it’s Jason Alexander…he was George. Michael Richards played Kramer. ;)
Time for you to step up your game and get that office with a door, Pirate. Either that or SEVERAL of those Glade power plug-in air fresheners.
@ Anonymousnupe, I’ve had offices with doors before. Aside from the smell shield, it’s not that much different. Only real advantage aside from being able to say “they gave me my own door” is that I could close said door and take a 20 minute power nap that way!
@ Rei, I shall make that correction. George Costanza deserves it!
lol! There are always those times you think it’s just going to be smell free. Deep down you contemplate the release, but your convinced that it’s not going to have any stank on it. Then it turns out to be 3 degrees past disgusting. Perhaps they under estimated the power of what was to be emitted #justsayin
Alright @ Trudy…You can go ahead and play stank ass Devil’s Advocate if you want to!
The only thing better than dropping a silent nasal torpedo on someone is destroying the workplace toilet without being seen.
I’m not sure why but this site is loading very slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.