Yesterday, I stopped by the 3 year anniversary party for DC Fab. It was, in a word, epic. There were plenty of very cool people in attendance, and lots of lovely ladies. The most lovely of which was the actual hostess. All of that, and free Remy. Did you hear me? FREE REMY! I have to dedicate this entire 1st paragraph to The Fab Empire before I can even get to the jokes today. It’s the least I can do!
Upon leaving the event, I looked in the gift bag that I received as I walked out of the door. One of the free gifts was a discount to a place called Skin Beauty Lounge. This wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary after an event like that, aside from the fact that the spa proudly touted the fact that it offers vajazzle service. If you’re unfamiliar with what “vajazzled” means and haven’t figured it out from the illustration I’ve placed above, you can watch this video for more clarification. Then again, it’s exactly what it sounds like: jewel-encrusted vagina.
I started wondering to myself: how many women at that party had sparkle crotch under those fashionably cute dresses? More importantly, how would I react if I were about to have sex with someone and she surprised me with glittery artwork all around the cooter region?
To be honest, I think other factors would shape my perception, should I ever find myself in that situation. Mainly, the overall state of her nether regions. Women with roast-beef looking vaginas should steer clear of vajazzling. To artfully adorn a raggley, beat up stink box is like putting expensive rims on an ’88 Civic. It’s so wrong, it’s almost insulting. Us guys will think to ourselves “You did all of this…to THAT THING?!”
On the other hand, women who have maintained a proper appearance, consistency and pH balance to the snappy nappy would probably get a different reaction. I’m pretty sure my thought process would be “This woman is a motherf*ckin’ FREAK! I’m ’bout to get up in that dugout like Joe Torre!”
Now that I’ve managed to express my views while using an advanced knowledge of colorful colloquialisms for female reproductive organs, I must ask: How many of you ladies out there have been vajazzled? How many of you are thinking of trying it? Fellas, would a vajazzled woman turn you on, or off?
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OMG I just read about this in Cosmo of all things. I was like who the hell is glueing bedazzlements to their coochie!? Like you said, for some folk with beat up mangy vajajays, mayhaps that’s not the best of ideas….IDK but I don’t think I’d try it–what if you were allergic to the glue?…then you’d have a lot more to worry about than if the design is symmetrical. He’d be trying to figure out if you had some odd sparkling disease he’s never heard of.
LOL @ “some odd sparlking disease”
Vajazzling is so last season – vatooing is where it’s at now!
… and I am so serious. Look it up.
Jesus.
Hahahaha! Sparkle crotch. That’s sounds like a stripper name. I would of probably thought of the same thing. Also, i would of wondered how much is the wealthiest jewel incrested poon is worthy. This is classic lol.
I bet Paris Hilton has diamonds surrounding her filthy heiress trim
I’ll admit, I watched the video cause I wanted to figure out what exactly was meant. It really just seems like a low tattoo. It’s not like the ACTUAL lady-business has stones on it. I’m not really sure it’s an indicator of freakaliciousness though…
True. However, it DOES indicate that a woman wants someone to enjoy the sight of her vaginal region, which, kind of indicates that she just might be a little sexually adventurous…which is not a bad thing at all!
Lmbo! I totally just zoned out @ work thinking about what Vajazzle or Vatoo I would get if I were to do it. i hope the expression on my face wasn’t telling…
I don’t know if an expression exists that says “I’m thinking about decorating my vagina.” I think you’re good.
Who will Paris Hilton be in 1 years ??