For the past week, I have tried to avoid making fun of the Bishop Eddie Long scandal. My reason for this is because I figured every joke possible has already been made. I’m looking at my Twitter timeline and seeing names like @BishopEddieLongstroke and @EddieSchlong being retweeted. It’s so bad that my bartender friend Jeremy was serving a drink called “the Bishop Eddie Long” at Lounge of III on Friday evening. It tasted like it might have been a Long Beach iced tea, but like the photos above, the drink was pretty strong and just a little bit gay.
Yes, I drank one. The first person who makes a joke about me putting a Bishop Eddie Long in my mouth is getting their ass kicked. If you’re a woman, I’m just putting you in a crossface chicken wing until you start to cry. If you’re a dude, that’s your ass! No Bishop Eddie Long.
Seriously though, I’ve realized a few things about people from all of this. As quick as some folks are to jump at the first opportunity to kick a public figure when they’re down, others are just as quick to defend them with everything they’ve got. Then, there are people like me, who are waiting to see how this whole thing plays out, knowing that whatever happens, nobody really wins. If Bishop Eddie Long is tricking and dabbling in teenage penis as the accusations claim, it’s f*cked up. If he’s being falsely accused, well, that’s f*cked up too. To me, it sounds like it could be a plot to get in the pockets of this megachurch.
…Then again, this saga is set in Atlanta, the unofficial gay black man capital of the world. Plus, those snug-ass muscle shirt photos aren’t helping the good Bishop’s cause at all. Maybe this video of two of the accusers talking sh*t might help him, but then again, maybe not. The young men are talking about sex with women, and still sound sweeter than a sugar sandwich. Once again, all signs lead to “This is a sh*ts how of epic proportions.”
Although the jokes have been very funny, lets all try to reserve judgement until the entire story comes out. Also, the people using this as an excuse to bash Christians in general need to stop it. This is not representative of what’s going on at most churches in America. If so, it wouldn’t be as newsworthy as it is. It’s either a case of someone horribly abusing the power entrusted to him, or some kids trying to get paid by ruining someone’s good name. Time will tell. The one and only fact that we can all agree on, is that “Bishop Eddie Strong” needs to leave those God-forsaken muscle shirts alone! We get it, Eddie. You work out. The Under Armour onesie is just overkill.Tweet