My blogging has slowed down recently, thanks to my laptop being stolen. I know who did it, and I’m handling things 100% legally. It won’t happen quickly, but it’s looking like the punk ass, bitch-made ass guilty party will completely regret taking anything from yours truly. However, in the meantime I’m using my really old Dell laptop, which is highly unreliable and has earned the infamous FUBAR label.
That’s “F*cked Up Beyond All Repair” for those unfamiliar with the term.
I’m bringing all of this up because today I saw two kids who looked to be about 12 years old try to snatch some guy’s laptop from him outside of a coffee shop in Columbia Heights. As I witnessed the brief struggle, memories of how I felt when I found out my laptop was stolen instantly resurfaced. I became enraged, and decided that I could not stand by and watch this all go down. Upon noticing that I could get the drop on the would-be thieves, I thought to myself “I’m about to run up on these skinny little pre-pubescent niggas and BEAT THE EVER-LOVING SH*T OUT OF ‘EM!”
As I started making my move, it was already too late. Those little bitches ran in the other direction when they realized the laptop guy wasn’t letting them take his sh*t without a struggle. He did not appear to be hurt, so I guess the story had a happy ending.
Yes, I know I should probably be ashamed of myself for wanting to commit child abuse in as violent a manner possible, in a public place. That said, I can explain my actions, which in turn will allow you to view me as a Good Samaritan and hero as opposed to a violence-prone angry black man.
Reason 1.) These two lecherous moles on the teat of society probably aren’t getting disciplined at home. Therefore, the grown-man ass whupping I wanted to deliver could have served as a cumulative dose of “tough love” and given them what they’ve been missing all these years, all in one fell swoop!
Reason 2.) Yes, I wanted to go the sucker punch route, but only because I didn’t know if they were armed. It didn’t look like it, but if I could get a clean shot at knocking the kid’s jaw around to the other side of his face on some Daffy Duck shit, then it would have evened the odds MUCH quicker than fighting a fair one with them…Even though they were literally 90-pound weaklings.
Reason 3.) It’s Christmas time, and the laptop guy did not deserve to go through what I’m going through right now. I miss my Macbook, and his laptop looked like it cost more than mine did. I know if I’d have caught the thieves of my computer in the act, I’d want someone to help me stomp a mudhole in their asses, then walk it dry.
So there you have it. It wouldn’t have been as reckless an action as it sounds like, had they stuck around for about 1 more second and gotten pummeled into submission. However, this does not bring my laptop back, which is frustrating. I think I should plan some sort of event in mid-to-late January or early February in order to raise the funds to replace it. It’s too close to Christmas now, so I have to wait until folks have cash in their pockets again!
In the meantime, I’m looking to leverage these relationships I’ve built with all the promoters and event planners whose functions I’ve attended and drank at…heavily. If you have ideas, send ‘em to me, and maybe we can make something happen. I know one thing: I’m really not trying to spend MY MONEY, to replace MY SH*T!
Whatever the case, I’m sure it will all work out the way it’s supposed to. The best thing to come from this situation is that I’m now writing more of my blog entries in advance so that there won’t be quite so many periods of inactivity over here, laptop or no laptop. I guess becoming a better organized writer is the glass half-full way of looking at things.
LEON,
I have much respect for you , because I know its hard to do the legal thing when it comes to situations like this. Well I recommend you ask all your friends and family for cash or visa giftcards and instead of doing your annual wish list have people donate to your pay-pall account…. I had my andriod phone stolen and it was by a co-worker ( no he doesnt still work for my company) and it took everything for me not to kick his teeth in I knew it was my phone but it was a matter of proving it. God thing for those serial numbers in the phone! But good luck and I hope it workls out for you. If not post the theif’s name and address and I will dress in all black and beat the hell out of them for you and get your Mac back…because believe me I love my Mac and I know what your feeling!
Good to know you’ll stomp people out for me!
damn yella sorry to hear that. hope you get ya ish back quick
Thanks
Maybe a year or two ago, a popular blogger/comedian had his stuff stolen. He took up a collection via Twitter to get enough money to replace his gadgets. $5 here and there can add up.
I may be able to get your Dell in better shape in the meantime though. Let me know.
I was resisting the urge to ask for donations, but I might just go that route since I ended up mentioning it here anyway. I have some work to do tonight as far as crafting a clever and entertaining campaign…
As far as your offer, thank you very much. I’m not sure there’s much you’ll be able to do though. It has a battery that barely works, a dead DVD drive, and it’s slow as molasses. I don’t even know if it’s worth wasting your time on it LOL
leon, leon, leon.
my laptop was stolen from my dorm room. by somebody i know. i just don’t know who it was. but boy oh boy, when i make it big, that story will be one of those stories that i can’t wait to tell. so that person can feel like an asshole.
kudos for handling it legally. i would have sucker punched the SHIT OUT OF THE PERSON HAD I KNOWN THEY STOLE IT. i woulda also stomped them out. yes, i just watched the warriors, but i woulda felt like this if i hadn’t just seen the flick, too.
i hope ol’ boy outside the coffee shop thumped the SHIT outta the 12 year old. YES I BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE UNDER THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES, EVEN TO YOUNGINS.
thump! THUMP! THUMP! i’m also gonna need an e-mail explanation about what happened to the guy who snatched your laptop. asap.
I can’t go into TOO MUCH detail right now, but let’s just say it’s been over weeks now, and a day does not go by where I don’t get angry about the situation.
i can’t imagine not having my laptop. We are joined at the hip. I sometimes even sleep with it. I hope everything works out for you. But don’t catch a case. LOL.
I’ll try my best to avoid prison. Do you know what they do to people who look like me in there?!
I don’t either, but I never want to find out!!!
i completely agree – most of these lil mofos aren’t being raised by a father. And momma is more worried about getting to the club and looking cute. None of these kids get beat half as much as we used to. What was the old saying – it takes a village…? we need to go back to that mentality so we can freely beat bad ass kids on the train, etc.
As good as that sounds, people nowadays would cross the line. Some jerk would use it as an excuse to just beat up random kids for no reason or something
Seriously, start a paypal account. I think it’ll do well.