Certain things in life let you know that you’re no longer a young man. Discovering gray hairs, for instance. Watching a show like 106th and Park and not recognizing half of the songs on the countdown. Not caring at all about the fact that you have never heard said songs. New Year’s Day, my moment of clarity came at a family dinner. I was wide awake and completely sober, yet I still managed to fall down the steps!
Luckily, it was a small set of steps; about four or five. I was wearing hard-bottoms, and I stepped on something slippery without realizing it until I was in mid-air. A feeble attempt to catch myself on the rail resulted in Christmas trimmings being ripped apart. I ended up landing on my elbow and lower back, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, thank goodness.
However, when people asked me if I was alright, I had a choice to make: Do I act like I’m severely hurt so that people won’t laugh? Or do I just get up, brush myself off and threaten to slap the shit out the first relative to make jokes?
I chose to go the honest route. I even answered the questions about my well-being with a joke of my own. I said “I’m OK. I’m doing much better than these Christmas decorations!” and held up some of the tinsel I took down with me as gravity made me her bitch. I smiled, winked, then got up to walk it off a bit in the other room. No way in Hell was I staying there to talk to people after that!
The worst part about the whole thing is that I fell while trying to get a beer for someone else. I’m glad I didn’t have it in my hand when I fell. I know someone would have said something clever under those circumstances, and forced me to deliver a stern pimp slap with my good arm.
Another sign of getting old: Referring to parts of your body that actually function normally as “my good (insert appendage here).”
Another sign that you’re immature: fighting the urge to say “That’s what she said” when reading “insert appendage here.”
Another sign that I should end this entry: I’m just about pain-free now, so I can once again smack people at will…which will indubitably lead to a lawsuit, assault charge or savage beating, which is no way to start 2011. Plus, I’m rambling on for no apparent reason. So yeah. That’s it for now. Just in case you’re not as old as me and you don’t remember what commercial the picture above is from, here you go.
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Dude This was funny. And Soo true. I been feeling like this lately.
My birthday was last month, so that probably has something to do with my mini early mid-life crisis, too.
i knew i was old when I was happy enough sitting around the house with like minded folks dressed in sweat pants for new Years.
I did the exact same thing and felt the exact same way.
House parties for New Years are fun…and sometimes just being home with close friends & loved ones is a welcome change from being out around strangers who can’t handle their liquor!
Enjoy every season of life and Happy New Year all.
Happy New Year!
ok so should i be worried about myself. cos im 24 and I enjoy the sitting at home with friends. in fact passed out at like 9pm on new years eve, was woken up at 12…said haaaappppyyyy and went straight back to bed…and i was ok with that….second year in a row…
oh by the way Leon…you have a steadily growing following in South Africa!