Gotta come up with a better side-hustle than this
Today is my Uncle Tommy’s 70th birthday, and yesterday would have been my Dad’s 61st. When I was younger, my Dad encouraged me to learn as many different hustles as possible so that I could always make money in a tight spot. That entrepreneurial hustler spirit is part of the reason this blog was created. I can’t give it all the credit, though. I simply love to talk sh*t, so I would have found a way to do it, blog or no blog, money or no money.
When I was about 12 or 13 years old, I started cutting people’s grass for extra cash to supplement the allowance my mother gave me for staying out of trouble and doing housework. It wasn’t long before I had half of the homes in my neighborhood coming to me to make their yards look exceptional. It was during this time that Dad said “You should ask your Uncle Tommy to teach you how to cut hair. You can make good money doing that.” Uncle Tommy still to this very day runs a barbershop which was opened by my great-grandfather, many years before I was a glimmer in my pop’s eye, and well before I was a swimmer in his sack. In theory, Dad’s suggestion was a good idea.
In reality, however, I was certain that Uncle Tommy would not want to allow me near any sharp objects in those days. You see, the summer before, my sister and I used to spend Friday nights at his house with his son T, along with my cousins Chris and Jay. We’d all hang out, play basketball, laugh, joke around and generally have a great time. The following mornings, Uncle Tommy would take us all to Shoney’s for the breakfast buffet. That is, until one fateful day in particular.
I don’t know what got into us kids that morning, but everybody tried to out-clown each other that day at Shoney’s. Free lollipops were grabbed by the handful. Fart jokes were made within earshot of others dining. The thing that pretty much made Uncle Tommy the angriest, was when I took packets of powdered sugar, opened them, made lines with my butter knife, put some on my upper lip and then started doing Scarface impressions. I was raising my hands, hollering “Say goodnight to the Bad Guy!” in my best adolescent Cuban accent.
I guess 11 year olds with make-believe coke on their faces is where Uncle Tommy drew the line. We all left Shoney’s and he vowed to never take us again. Now that I’m a grown man, I can honestly say that he is a man of his word. Uncle Tommy damn sure never brought us back to Shoney’s after that. In fact, if any of us were in the car with him and we were driving past a Shoney’s, he would speed up a little bit, just so we would not get a chance to ask him to stop. Whenever we’re all together nowadays(especially after he’s had a few drinks) Uncle Tommy will still revisit the incident. He always says something to the effect of “You all embarassed the Hell out of me that day at Shoney’s! Y’all were making cocaine lines with the powdered sugar! I couldn’t take y’all niggas NOWHERE!”
As a result of that incident, I never asked Uncle Tommy to teach me to cut hair. In hindsight, I now know that he would have done it, as long as I never spoke the word “Shoney’s” in his presence. However, between him and my father, I’ve always had an urge to broaden my skill set. I’d like to thank them both for giving me that gift, as well as for having patience with me as I did impressions of everything I saw on HBO back in those days, from Scarface, to Def Comedy Jam. Happy Birthday Uncle Tommy, and Happy Belated, Dad(R.I.P.).
Tweet
Loved It! Died of laughter and shed a tear.
Thanks Heather
LOL @ the Shoney’s incident LOL.
It’s good you came up under the guidance of real men.
Happy B day to your Uncle and God bless your Dad’s soul.
Thank you. Come to think of it, I haven’t been to a Shoney’s ever since then, even on my own as an adult!
“I guess 11 year olds with make-believe coke on their faces is where Uncle Tommy drew the line.” I can hardly type. My stomach hurts from laughing so hard. I love it! Your stories are a gift!
I like to party, not look acrtiles up online. You made it happen.
I swear….can’t take kids ANYWHERE!! Coke-lines though, Leon? LMAO!
i learned how to cut hair…the hard way. And whats the hard way u ask? well lets jus say i was the test dummy and I ended up going to school looking like the modern day mr. huntley smh. but now im a pro, u should try it lol
Dude! Not coke lines with powdered sugar! That’s one i haven’t heard.LOL @ you never being able to mention “Shoney’s”again. This was a nice tribute; God Bless your dad’s soul and Happy Belated Birthday to Uncle Tommy. You brought it back; I haven’t heard the name Shoney’s in forever…they still have those?
Yep. I liked to the website, so there are still Shoney’s restaurants in existence!
heh at coke lines…props sir.
I try!
“I guess 11 year olds with make-believe coke on their faces is where Uncle Tommy drew the line.”
I am in my office DYING! You are a fool for that one!