Happy "Bring Your Nunchucks to Work" Day!
I have listed 5 holidays that need to be added to everyone’s calendar. If we get enough people behind it, who knows? Maybe they’ll catch on and someday become real!
Bring Your Nunchucks To Work Day (pictured above) – What better way to relieve the stress of the workplace, than to batter someone senseless in the most stylish manner conceivable? Office morale would increase, along with worker’s comp claims. Then again, if this were a real holiday, I would have been beaten to death years ago by a disgruntled co-worker or two at some job I was half-assing my way through. Thanks Zondra Hughes, for putting that thought in my head.
Head Week - This holiday happens once a month, and it coincides with your wife or girlfriend’s period. Instead of letting neglect cause your d*ck to get so dry that accidental friction could lead to a brush fire, or navigating “the Red Sea” and messing up your sheets and good towels, I propose that ladies orally pleasure their men as much as possible while on the rag. Take one for the home team, and this world will be a happier place! I know I’d be much more patient while dealing with someone’s cramps and mood swings if I knew that fellatio were the reward.
And you thought “Shark Week” was awesome…
International Hug A Hater Day – I once heard Diddy(or whatever name he’s using these days) say “hug a hater today.” Instantly, I realized that those words, as funny as they are, wield massive power. If each of us were to say or do something to make some bitter, broken, black-hearted wart on the nut-sack of society feel better about his or her life, then the world has no choice but to become a better place. Attractive people will be able to walk past someone whose looks are…unfortunate, without hearing the sound of them sucking their teeth in spite. Snitching will see a 70% reduction. The downtrodden might start to believe in themselves and do something to better their lives instead of bad-mouthing those whom they are envious of. Hell, Hug A Hater Day should be every day!
Weekend of Swine Appreciation – This one already happens for me every summer once the Capitol Area Barbecue Fest rolls around, but it should be a national holiday. I know people of certain religious faiths and healthy eaters may not like this too much, but you know what that means? MORE BACON FOR ME!!!
National Take A Nap At Your Desk Day – I’m really hoping that this one catches on. Why are little kids the only ones that get to take a nap in the middle of the day? For 20-30 minutes, usually immediately after a meal, there should be one day a year where people can pass the Hell out right at their desks without fear of being fired for it. The only people who should avoid this are the folks who talk in their sleep. They might say how they really feel about folks in the office and burn some bridges, or creep people out. On the bright side, productivity should go up, since people won’t be at meetings thinking “I really wish I could take a quick nap today.”
If you agree that these holidays need to be made official, then pass this entry around to everyone you know. It’s going to take a massive grassroots effort to be placed alongside corporate juggernaut holidays such as Christmas and Valentines’ Day. Thanks in advance for your support.
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This shit is hilarious, but the suggestion of Head Week is serious business. In fact, I’ve discussed this on numerous occasions with some of my closest friends. Good girls live by the rule.
To be clear, though, this holiday should also be extended to women–and I don’t advocate that it be triggered by any particular event. Men should be down to take care of their woman (and should like it!)
I agree 100%
I think before any of these holidays become official, Medical Marijuana will be made legal in CT. Oh wait a minute!? it is! .
:-)
To add onto Meisha – we should just go ahead and make 4/20 official. It should be “feel free to smoke weed outside” day. We should be allowed to picnic with a j and enjoy the sunshine instead of having to smoke in houses or cars.
How about “Tell the truth” day? Where we can say our truths without folks being allowed to take offense and afterwards never bring up the subject again.
“Tell the truth day” would get more people killed than “Bring Your Nunchucks To Work Day”
Head Week and National Take A Nap At Your Desk Day I will pull for.
Thank you sir!
I’m also in favor of making 420 day an official holiday… And if it happens to fall during the week of Head, let’s just call it Nirvana.
“Head Week” sounds good in the abstract…but from a practicle standpoint that would be dangerous as hell.
Leon, if your girl is like my wife, she’s a pissed off she-devil when she’s on the rag. The absolute last place I’d put my schlong is in an angry woman’s mouth.
Maybe your some type of daredevil who put is wang in a door jam, swings the door shut just to see if you can pull it away before it gets smashed…but that aint me.
Damn good point! Never thought of it like that