My favorite threat of all-time is “I’ll slap the sh*t out you.” A staple of hood arguments, never have so few words been able to express so many sentiments. I’ll slap the shit out you can mean any one of the following:
“I’ll slap the shit out you” = Stop talking. Right now. I mean it. Shut your fat mouth.
“I’ll slap the shit out you” = I am going to show you the same amount of respect right now that you’re showing me. Less, in fact.
“I’ll slap the shit out you” = You have just said something amusing, so I will use this empty threat as a term of endearment.
“I’ll slap the shit out you” = I know you can’t whup me, so I’m not even going to waste energy balling my fingers into a fist. I’ll emasculate you by actually delivering an open-handed slap, right square in your dick-suckers.
“I’ll slap the shit out you” = I know that I said I was going to slap you, but I’m probably going to use punches, kicks, stomps, weapons and choke holds to tighten you up real quick, and maybe slap you around a bit after I’m done with the more aggressive stuff.
Vocal inflection and body language are the only true ways to know just what someone is getting at when someone says “I’ll slap the shit out you.” What’s even better though, is the magnitude of said threat. Do you have any idea how hard you’d have to slap someone for them to completely lose control of their bowels? Assuming the slap-ee is still alive after a blow of such force, I assume the next step is to make them clean up the mess that you just made them make. That, and light some incense or spray some Febreeze to get rid of the smell. Otherwise, actually slapping the shit out someone is just flat-out disgusting.
What are some of your favorite unpleasant threats to issue in everyday conversation? I don’t care if they’re empty ones, or threats that you regularly act on; share them!
Also, nominate me for a Black Weblog Award, or I’LL SLAP THE SHIT OUT YOU!!!
Tweet
My mother’s was “I’ll knock your teeth down your throat.” As a kid, that always got me back in line quick!
Nice! That’s graphic, yet effective!
hey -on an unrelated topic – it looks like your friend finally got some justice for having his stuff stolen
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2011/may/4/burglar-who-taunted-victims-facebook-sentenced-dc-/?utm_source=RSS_Feed&utm_medium=RSS
This is great news. Glad they caught the guy & he’s going to jail.
My personal favorite and one I got from my mom – I’ll smack/kick/punch you into next week.
Followed by the time honored I’ll beat the black off you.
My mom threatened to knock me into next week, too.
Older brother once said, “I’ll screw your head off your fuckin’ shoulders”
Honorable Mentions:
I’ll knock your block off
I’ll stomp the living daylight outta you
Your older brother meant business!!!
I’m a fan of “I should kick you in the taint”. The precision involved in actually guiding and landing a kick to such a small area requires much skill and concentration. And I think a swift kick to the taint will stick with a person longer than most normal methods of corporal punishment. Especially if you add a little big toe at the end of the delivery.
Now THAT is a great threat! I am still laughing at this comment!
I am incredibly moved by this threat… damn!!!!
SLAP THE BLACK OFF OF YOU
SLAP THE TASTE OUT YOUR MOUTH
SLAP THE CURLS OUT YOUR HAIR
Never heard “I’ll knock the curls out your hair” before. That’s a good one!
Personal favorite… “I’ll beat you till’ I’m tired.”
Nice!
My dad was a fan of “I’ma break my foot off in yo’ ass” hood and effective no?