Trust me, Serpentor is here for a reason
Yesterday, my friend Courtney wrote a little something about French kissing on Facebook, which led to some hilarious responses. Since I’d like your opinions, I have re-posted her query below:
French Kissing minus the French?: It has come to my attention that some folks don’t enjoy using tongue when they kiss. I’m confused. Is this common?
Reading that gave me a flashback to a woman I dated in college. Well, I can barely say “dated” since we only went out on two or three actual dates while in undergrad; She was more of a f*ck buddy, for lack of a better term. Let’s call her, Serpentor.
Yes, I know Serpentor was the evil emperor of Cobra from the G.I. Joe cartoons, but there is a reason for such an obscure reference. You see, whenever we’d kiss, she would flick her tongue around as if she were trying to make that Spanish rolling “rrrrr” sound inside of my mouth. I can’t lie, that motion came in handy when she’d apply it to other places on my body, but kissing her felt like I was making out with some reptilian snake-woman. Hence, the nickname.
Before anyone looks at me and says “I can’t believe you put Serpentor out there like that” let me first say that she’s married with kids now, so someone out there obviously likes her viper-like kissing technique. Don’t feel bad for her. She’s where a lot of women want to be right now!
Back to Courtney’s original question: Is it common for people to not enjoy using the tongue when kissing? Myself personally, I like to remember that lips are a sensitive area, so there’s room for creativity. For example, when done with careful timing and the proper amount of confident sensuality, these techniques have worked wonders for me* over the years:
- The basic soft application of my lips to hers.
- Careful transition from the top lip to the bottom, or vice-versa
- A very soft bite on the lower lip, or even the upper. I prefer going for the lower first for some reason.
- Hand-on-body placement fully depends on whether the energy says “goodbye for now” or a “take off your clothes“
- Putting the tongue down the throat and or sucking on the tongue is good if it’s done gradually and with some attention to detail, as opposed to forcefully and sloppily.
- Some women have liked having me run my tongue along the outline of their lips when kissing them, while others haven’t. That’s definitely a case-by-case kind of thing.
If a Leon Vault of Seduction actually existed, I’d probably be hesitant to give away techniques from it like this. However, if you are a grown adult learning to kiss from a comedy blog, then I can confidently say that I don’t have to worry about you stealing any women from me. I’m just glad I could help get you started on the path to not being this guy!
All jokes aside, I do want you all to chime in on your opinion of tongue usage during kissing. Whatever your feelings are on the topic, they’re almost guaranteed to be entertaining. Also, as a free bonus soundtrack gift for the next time you actually are going to apply your kissing technique to someone, the awesome and talented Alison Carney released her latest work today, allisonWonderland. You can download it here for free.
WTF MAN! Can you add a pause or a N.H. to this. I had to stop reading when you went into detail about kissing…YUCK!
I don’t believe in gay timeouts, therefore no “pause” will be added. I warned that techniques were coming. I didn’t tell you to get a visual of that shit LOL
I’m mad that you described her as Serpentor lol, one of my fav. G. I joe characters of all time. For this I command
Yep, anyone made from Julius Caesar, Hannibal and Genghis Khan DNA is a bad motherf*cker! Cobra Commander was funny, but Serpentor was pure evil!
Ha! you say, “if you are a grown adult learning to kiss from a comedy blog, then I can confidently say that I don’t have to worry about you stealing any women from me.” as if someone didn’t just read this, not comment for taking notes, and then run home to try it on a blow up doll or their hand.
I personally believe that the tongue has to be used strategically in a French kiss. As you said, it really depends on the person. I swear someone out there loves an entire tongue, inflated, and inserted into their throat because so many people do that. I abhor it, I also prefer a man doesn’t lick around my entire chin.
Now my lips are not soup coolers– I know that they are only half of a pair of DSLs but they are full enough, and generous enough that licking up under my nose shouldn’t be necessary. I’m all for biting my lips gently, soft tongue action, melting into the other person, not drowning, not having my head cavity excavated. Some people apparently NEED a class, and after you’ve had enough of “WTF is this?” kind of kissing, you’d happily tell someone to hold the French on their kisses.