This morning I had a conversation about straight people going to gay functions. For example, a very good friend of mine is gay. Not just gay, but stereotypically gay. It’s to the point that I’m surprised he doesn’t wear chimes and have a trail of glitter following behind him. I go to his birthday cookout every summer, because, well, it’s usually the most awesome cookout of the year! Good food, great people, and plenty of liquor. However, I have learned to get the Hell out of there before 9PM.
My 9PM rule exists because almost all of the straight people at his cookout are gone by sundown. If you’re still there around 9, it’s just you and a bunch of drunken, hungry eyes. Those jokers WILL try you, for the simple fact that you didn’t know enough to leave before nightfall! I’d make a vampire analogy, but you can probably see the “trying to suck on people” joke from a mile away. Since that one was too easy, I’ll leave it alone and proceed to the next paragraph.
The way I make my decision as to whether something is TOO gay for me to attend it, is by estimating the potential for me to get hit on or harassed by dudes. That’s my barometer…which pretty much limits me to events in broad daylight with a good mix of gay & straight people. If it’s a gay wedding, then yeah, I can witness two people in love get married. However, if it’s ass chaps & spurs night at the club, do not bother to send me an invite, because I will not be anywhere near 1,000 yards of wherever the Hell all of that is going on. So there you have it: boundary established. That way, I can avoid foolishness like this:
I know what some of you readers are thinking: “Leon, gay dudes don’t hit on every man they see.” I’m sure that is probably true. However, I’m not every guy; I’m ME, motherf*cker! I really don’t have to write anymore about it, because the grown-man machismo emanating from that sentence says it all.
But yeah, I like to think that my logic surrounding this topic is reasonable. My comfort zone is not determined by fear; it’s determined by me not wanting to be in any situations where I’ll have to say “Bitch get off me!” to a man at some point in my day. That’s normal, right?Tweet