This guy...
John Boehner is taking this “leader” shtick a bit too far, judging by the photo above. I wonder if it was his idea to pose in the shadows like he’s the motherf*ckin’ Emperor from Star Wars, or if someone from his camp suggested it. Boehner’s recent role in debt deal negotiations has either helped him locate his testicles, or he took this photo because he wants the world to forget that he openly weeps like a little schoolgirl whenever the mood hits.
Whatever the case, I’m not a hater. It sounds as if Boehner and Republicans got the most out of these negotiations, even if it appears that they played a game of chicken with the entire country’s financial outlook at stake. The other side got out of the way first, so therefore, I guess Boehner isn’t as much of a bitch as he appears to be.*
Unfortunately, this could be a sign that Boehner is gassing up the Death Star, and the debt debate is the first step in his evil plan to annihilate us all. There is only one way to find out: Since I just revealed his evil plan to the world, naturally, if John Boehner really is a Sith Lord, he’ll raise his clinched fist and choke me out from three miles away. If you see me strangling on what appears to be an invisible chicken wing, then you know he’s the real-deal, and I’ve discovered his secret. Say something nice at my funeral. If not, well, then I guess he’s just a regular, self-serving politician who may or may not be trying to lead us all over to the Dark Side, just like everyone else in Washington.
*I’m just saying; Dude looks soft. Even in ominous lighting. John Boehner looks softer than talcum powder. Softer than little infant baby hair. Softer than a single snowflake. This man probably wears pomegranate passion fruit body spray.
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