2012 has been both incredibly promising and agonizingly painful. As you may already know, I have an event coming up January 24th, the likes of which Washington DC has never seen before. It features great music as well as the chance to go up and share your own public rant about ANYTHING. Think “karaoke” meets “The Rage Cage” from the Adult Swim show Delocated, but minus the bad singing and way less violent.
In case you don’t know what “The Rage Cage” was, I assume it’s because you are like most normal people and you go to bed at a decent hour instead of staying up and watching comedy shows, like, say, Me. For your convenience, I have embedded a clip so that you can re-read that last joke of mine and laugh along with the rest of us.
Along with that event, I will be performing at the DC Improv on February 8th in the graduation showcase of the “Five Minutes To Funny” class that I am taking. I signed up for it because quite frankly, I’m funnier in print than I am onstage. I am a little long-winded, so getting personalized feedback and advice is helping me greatly in my quest to get to the point a lot faster. I am fast approaching becoming a comic assassin. I can kill an audience with jokes as in your face as Chuck Norris super kick, or I can set up a subtle premise and snipe that ass from a distance like main man with the tin mask on Boardwalk Empire. I’m feeling good about the type of comedic mayhem I can stir up in 2012 and beyond.
What I am literally not feeling good about, is the fact that I’ve been sick throughout the entire year. I came into 2012 with a sinus infection, and now that it’s gone, it triggered a return from my old nemesis Mr. Gout. Yes, I have given “the gout” a name; a rather unoriginal one at that. Anything that causes this much discomfort does not deserve a cool moniker. Besides, if I called it something like “Charley,” people wouldn’t know what I’m going through. I mean yes, “Gout” is a hilarious title for an old man ailment on a relatively young guy, but it also sounds uncomfortable. “Charley” isn’t nearly as intimidating. No offense to Charley Pride, Charlie Batch or any other Charlies who may read this.
I know that I am not exactly a spring chicken, but I’m way too young to be dealing with recurring gout attacks, even though this is the first one in quite some time. Even though it wasn’t entirely my fault this time, I am going to take the next few months off from drinking in order to clear out my system. To all of the bars in the DC area, especially on the U Street Corridor, brace yourselves for lower profits and less overall “awesome” in your establishments. If you do see me, I’ll make sure I have someone with me who actually is drinking. Preferably, someone pretty. That way, you’ll still make a little something from my visit. I’ll also be hitting up comedy open mics, so if nothing else, I’ll be able to get through the jokes without slurring, and remember all of the punchlines!
See? I’m a glass half-full type of guy. So yeah, go ahead and get your tickets for February 8th at the DC Improv now! I will definitely be back on the good foot by then. Even if I’m not, I will literally crawl on the stage and make y’all laugh from the motherf*ckin’ floor! IT’S THAT SERIOUS TO ME!!! *pounding chest*
O.K. That was a little dramatic. I’m just saying, the show must go on, no matter what!