So simple. So ignorant. Yet, so effective. Happy Valentines Day!
This is my first Valentine’s Day in awhile where I am not dating anyone. It’s been pretty refreshing to know that I am not expected to do anything for anyone else on Earth today. The only drawback to this freedom is that it has also “liberated” me from enjoying the sexual payoff that comes from buying an overpriced dinner and thought-filled gift. I can deal with a dry d*ck on Valentines Day; That’s no problem. I just feel weird not doing anything at all.
I just realized something; you readers can collectively be my Valentine for 2012! This goes out to the ladies. Preferably the cute ones, but since I don’t actually have to touch you, I’ll still be your Valentine even if you’re “aesthetically challenged.” Fellas: Not happening. You can continue to read this entry and laugh, but that’s about it.
The RIAA has me shook after shutting down Megaupload, so there’s no Mixtape this year. I’ll re-link to the mixtapes of the past two years below, so that you lovely souls have something to listen to tonight while you think of me, the last minute Valentine you picked up while surfing the web & reading blogs.
Get Some Stank On Your Hand – A Valentine’s Mixtape
Love Beat My Ass – A Valentines Mixtape
I even un-retired my most ridiculous-yet-awesome pick-up line for tonight(see above), since I have to work fast to charm you all into being my Valentine. Men, if you’re still here, feel free to use the napkin love note while you’re out tonight on someone out drinking heavily in an attempt to fill the Valentines-exposed void in her life with random penis. If it works out, you’re welcome. If she takes you on Maury in 10 months, well, you should have used protection. That, and I am not the father.
Happy Valentines Day everybody, and to those who actually do want to be my Valentine this year, let me know in the comments section. Here’s some slow music to listen to while you contemplate your answer.
P.S., in a quick aside that sure to get me cursed out someday, I have an ex girlfriend whom is a Jehovah’s Witness. They don’t not celebrate any holidays, so when we first started dating I initially thought to myself “I don’t have to do sh*t this Valentines Day!”
I was dead wrong.
Things became clearer the closer we got to Valentines Day that regardless of religion, A WOMAN IS A WOMAN, so if I want to live, I should get a gift & make reservations someplace nice. I did so, and everyone was happy, but I’m bringing this up to spread this message: There is no escaping Valentines, fellas. Even when you think you’re safe, it finds you!
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Who woulda thunk that all that time we were at school that you were this funny? Or this crazy? Lls. Anyhow, hope you find your Valentine, Leon… :-)
Happy Belated Valentine’s day :) Thanks for the re-release of your Valentine’s Day bootie music :)