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Welcome to DC RGIII | Yeah...I said it

Welcome to DC RGIII

Non-Redskins fans; Let us have our moment.  Robert Griffin III has been a Washington Redskin for less than 3 hours now, and I have already seen more than my share of ‘Skins-bashing on Twitter. Is it too much to ask for you all to let us have a moment in the sun? We haven’t won a Super Bowl since the first George Bush was in office. We earned the right to smile a bit!

If I could give one piece of advice to RGIII, it would be to stay the Hell out of the DC club/nightlife scene. A big reason that DC teams suck is because a lot of the athletes seem to spend more time and energy chasing ass than working on their respective games. I tried to get the No Wins, No Trim movement going but that required groupies having enough self discipline to not sleep with pro athletes until they start winning games. The whole thing was dead on arrival, as the Washington Wizards’ record reflects.

Robert Griffin III appears to have his head on straight so I look forward to seeing what he does next season. To those who attempted to to pee in the corn flakes of Washington sports fans tonight via social media…stop it. Stop it, or I will go out of my way to befriend you, gain your trust, then lure your out on a boat ride and betray the sh*t out of you like the monster on the clip below.

Just an aside, but “Do you know the number to heaven?” is the best random murderer line this side of “Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?” I’m just saying. Don’t end up sleeping with the fishes.

All low budget cyclops monster death threats aside, I wish Robert Griffin III the best of luck this season. My ‘Skins have nowhere to go but up, so I look forward to seeing what happens next.

*Edit* Yes, I am aware that RGIII is a grown man with platts in his hair. As long as he does his thing on the field, he could get a conk like a 50′s R&B singer for all I care. The man runs a 4.3; he deserves to get amnesty from hair jokes!

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Comedian, writer and shake dancer on the Chippendale's Senior Circuit.

3 Responses to “Welcome to DC RGIII”

  1. DB 27. Apr, 2012 at 12:46 pm #

    Is Chocolate City going to be okay with his fiancee?

  2. curlyq 27. Apr, 2012 at 2:49 pm #

    I saw him during the workouts. This man is a beast. Hope he stays healthy as he will make for some interesting games.

  3. Antisocialsista 28. Apr, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

    DB….you will not find a woman in chocolate city that gives two f*cks who RGIII and his busted braids are dating.

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