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My Honest Snow White And The Huntsman Review | Yeah...I said it

My Honest Snow White And The Huntsman Review

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a movie review. I started to write one after I saw The Avengers, but I realized it would have consisted of two sentences: “I’d pay to see it again! Sh*t!”

Since that’s more of a tweet than a blog entry, let me talk about the film I saw last weekend, Snow White and the Huntsman. It was no Avengers, but Thor was in it, drunk with a battle axe. That’s gotta count for something. Overall, this movie was just OK. It wasn’t a “must-see” in my opinion. I could have waited for HBO or Starz, but I since saw it for free, so I definitely got my money’s worth out of the deal.

Below I am going to talk details, so I will preface my next few paragraphs with the tried & true *spoiler alert* warning. That way, if the movie is ruined for you, IT’S 100% YOUR FAULT. You have been warned. Feel free to proceed. Or not, if you realistically think you’re going to see it sometime soon.

*SPOILER ALERT* If you’ve seen the Disney cartoon version of Snow White, you pretty much know what is going to happen in the film. They darkened & CGIed the Hell out of the story, but it’s the same, minus a few tweaks here & there. Also, it’s way more violent and it’s not a musical.

Well, the dwarves do sing. They actually sing their little hearts out, like some miniature, dingy, big-headed angels. Still, they’re not nearly as likable as the original 7 Dwarves from the cartoon. Especially the wise Bob Hoskins one. I will give them this, however; if it came down to a fight, they’d make quick work out of those Disney Dwarves. They’d chop them into Dwarf McNuggets without breaking a sweat. In case it isn’t obvious by now, The Dwarves in Snow White and the Huntsman kicked a little ass over the course of this flick.

The special effects were great, minus the creepy-looking fairies. The forest fairies looked nothing like Tinkerbell. They were more like Gollom from Lord of the Rings, with anime eyes. I swear toGod if I were in that enchanted realm and saw those creepy little things fluttering about, I’d try to kill every last one of them. The dark forest and the enchanted one had interesting visuals, more so in the case of the dark forest. The happy-ass forest was slightly overdone in my opinion.

As far as the main actors, everyone did a nice job. My only gripe is that they cast a Snow White who was not fairer than the Evil Queen(Charlize Theron). They actually had to ugly up and age the Queen before Snow White could even enter the conversation with the Magic Mirror. Nothing against the girl from those Twilight movies because she’s not bad looking at all, but the filmmakers should have chosen a prettier brunette. Then again, my favorite petite little brunette is Mila Kunis, and I doubt that she is interested in being in an action star fairy tale. Her, Natalie Portman or Megan Fox, for that matter. My knowledge of attractive white actresses with jet-black hair and actual talent is limited, so feel free to suggest an alternate Snow White of your choosing pretty enough to give Charlize a run for her money.

So there you have it. Overall, I thought Snow White and the Huntsman was an OK film. That said, there are too many other movies out that I am excited about for me to call it a “must-see.” Plus, it’s a fairy tale, so the prerequisite amount of stupid sh*t happens over the course of the plot. Also, I may by a bit biased because medieval era films instantly make me think “There will be no Black people in this. If they are, they’ll probably be slaves or villains.”

Come to think of it, if we’re historically accurate, life pretty much sucks for Black folks in almost any period piece. The best we can hope for is seeing a movie set in a different time period and being like “Maybe he’s a freed-man! Oh. Nevermind. He just said ‘Yessuuh Bawse’ to that white guy. This joker is in bondage.”

Luckily, there were no slaves in Snow White and the Huntsman.  Trust me, this review would have gone in a totally different direction if there were.

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Comedian, writer and shake dancer on the Chippendale's Senior Circuit.

One Response to “My Honest Snow White And The Huntsman Review”

  1. Omari 07. Jun, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

    Pretty much.

    Those fairies looked like something out of Pan’s Labyrinth. If I were in that forest, I’d be screaming and crying while trying to kill them.

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