To be able to say “I’m the best in the world at being THE BEST IN THE WORLD” has to be a great feeling. Therefore, I must give Michael Phelps his due. This guy is officially the most decorated athlete in Olympic history. Like him or not, he is a long-faced amphibious assassin in the swimming pool and you must respect that!
I saw Phelps interviewed by Bob Costas last night and it slightly annoyed me. Costas asked a bunch of questions about Phelps losing a step and being at the end of his historic run. To me, this would have been OK after the Olympics are over, but Phelps was still on the side of the pool, with at least two more races to go in his career.
I kind of wish Michael Phelps had gotten fed up and answered Costas’ questions like “This is my fourth Olympics! MY FOURTH!!! Of course I’m not in my prime anymore. I’m not dead though! I need you to enjoy these last few moments of awesome before waxing poetic. You haven’t even waited for my downfall to happen before starting to talk about it. You know what? Win one of these here gold medals. Just one, homeskillet. Then, we can talk. Until that happens, sit’cho ass down on that NBC leather couch and bask in my aura of greatness!!!”
I have met people who have actually spent time Michael Phelps in varying capacities, and they’ve all said the same thing about him: He’s a bit of a jerk. I usually counter them by saying “I do not blame him for being a jerk. I know plenty of complete jackasses with not one accomplishment of note to their name. This guy has actually earned the right to be a douchebag. If I were that good at something, I’d put on a spectacle everywhere I go! I’d have Olympic officials hang every gold medal I win on my d*ck while atop the podium.”
The funniest Michael Phelps hater comments come in the form of people who say “He’s good, but I’m saying; He’s just swimming. That’s not a real sport!” Whenever I hear someone say this, I think to myself that this clown has either never swam competitively in his or her life, or does not know how to swim at all.
I know how to swim and I’m in good shape, but I can only get so far in the water before I revert to doggie paddling to conserve energy. I’m not even ashamed to admit that I swim on a 3rd grade level. The fact that I am pretty strong and fast out of the water, yet utterly slow, weak and graceless in it just makes me respect what Phelps has accomplished even more.
Michael Phelps, I salute you.Tweet