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The Dick Ambush

I have a confession: I have not been posting much lately because I’ve been saving a lot of my newest jokes for use onstage. I’ll be appearing at the DC Improv again April 13th, so it makes sense to prepare myself. I never meant to neglect you readers in the process, so I am going [...]

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Dying of Thirst

Russell Simmons posted something awesome on Twitter yesterday: When one is without “neediness” he/she operates from abundance, and attracts the universe. Basically what the man said is, “Stop being so thirsty!” In some cases, you could also interpret that as “Act like you’ve been there before!” Either one is a good life lesson. I am [...]

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Things I Learned Today: Celebrity Breasts Edition

I learned a lot of things today; none of which is particularly useful to my life in general. These pointless discoveries all involve famous women, and they each made me smile. Therefore, I must share them with you, my oh-so awesome readers! Sh*t Leon Learned Today: Naked Scarlett Johannsen does not disappoint. I really shouldn’t [...]

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Bra-Ledge and Wisdom

I just recently discovered the meaning behind women’s bra sizes. Yes, it took me over 30 years to find out that the number is the size of the woman’s back & the letter is the actual breast size. In essence, the smaller the number, the smaller the woman, and the bigger the letter, bigger the [...]

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Halle Berry > Everyone Else

Happy Belated 45th Birthday Halle Berry. This woman has aged like fine wine! Before any of you starts hating and says “But she’s RICH fine wine, who may or may not have had some work done” I need you to realize something: IT DOES NOT MATTER TO US MEN! All that matters is the end [...]

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Conversation With A Mysogynist

It always surprises me when I encounter a real-life misogynist. How does one manage to hate ALL women? It seems like quite a laborious undertaking. I don’t have the time or energy to hang on to beefs with one person these days, let alone an entire gender! Besides, it’s completely ridiculous, which should go without [...]

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Markdown Exemptions

“Closing time. Ugly lights. Everybody’s inspected; but you are a natural beauty unaffected” – Prince. If you are a man and you’ve ever been in the situation above, then you already know it’s a great place to be! As a general rule, women you meet in bars or clubs are entitled to a 20-30% markdown [...]

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