Thanks To The Smoking Section and Samuel L. Jackson

I am generally a winner in life. That said, I rarely win contests that are out of my control. Arguments? Yep. Fights? Damn right. The hearts of women around the globe? You betcha. But ask me to play the lottery, and I will look at you like you’re stupid, then say “I might as well burn this dollar up right now…”

That’s why I have to thank the good folks over at The Smoking Section for breaking my streak of bad luck when it comes to games of chance. I won the oh-so awesome iPhone case pictured see above from their site and it arrived yesterday in the mail. Now I feel just like Jules in Pulp Fiction, sans jheri curl! Read the rest of this entry »

I’m Hating On Behalf Of Short People Everywhere

I wonder if LeBron James runs up and down the court thinking things like “One of these days, I’m gonna accidentally hit my head on the rim. Give myself a concussion & still make the SportsCenter Top 10…”

Us people on the ground respect it. Keep doing your thing, LeBron!

Racist Is The New Gay

No offense to my Gay and Lesbian readers out there for this comparison, but in 2010 it appears that racist is the new gay. Before you start getting visions of Klansmen in Prada sandals and robes by International Male, let me clarify that I am talking in terms of the societal stigmas attached to these labels. In the past, many gay people kept their sexual preference hidden in the closet in order to avoid being judged…or worse. Some still do, although today’s America is a much better place in terms of acceptance of people regardless of their race or sexual orientation. Ironically, this openness has kind of turned the tables on a lot of people with racist viewpoints. Now, they are the ones who are afraid to openly express themselves for fear of condemnation from more progressive members of society.

In essence, most bigots are too bitch-assed to say how they really feel in mixed company. Some of this fear stems from the possibility of instant karma in the form of an ass whipping. However, I believe that more of it comes from being labeled as “racist.” Nobody wants to be branded as racist these days, which is why most people use little code words to get their points across. Read the rest of this entry »

Kanye Shrug

I think Mr. West himself would appreciate this #kanyeshrug. He might not appreciate the random-as-hell t-shirt, but it’s really all a tribute to the eccentric genius that is Kanye West.

The crazy thing is, wearing this shirt made me realize just how rabid some Kanye West fans are! I pissed off a few people the night of this party. Luckily, my family & family friends(like Ashlee above) had my back! I didn’t have to watch out for any hipster treachery from tight jeans & plaid shirt wearing men. Not that I was worried about being assaulted by any gay lumberjack looking people to begin with. Still, it’s good to know I have folks who appreciate my sense of humor, Kanye West joke or no Kanye West joke.

Solid Proof That Black History Month is NECESSARY!

My Mom asked her class “Who was the 1st Black Supreme Court Justice?”

A little girl(a black girl, no less) raised her hand and said “Judge Joe Brown.”

I really wish I was making this up! The moral of the story: Parents, READ TO YOUR CHILDREN! There is more to Black History than Martin Luther King, Jr. and George Washington Carver. Also, teaching the kids about the contributions of black people to this world should not stop in February.

Oh yeah, the correct answer to that question is Thurgood Marshall, the fellow in the picture above. I had to clarify that, just in case one of you is as misguided as that poor 5th grader. Can’t have y’all commenting saying stuff like “Judge Joe Brown look different! You sure that’s not Judge Mathis?”

Come On, 5:00!

I am literally counting the minutes until I’m off the clock right now. Ever have one of those days where you’re too tired to be patient or polite? I’m pretty much there. I have two things I’m supposed to do tonight, but I have a feeling that both are going to be cut short. It’s a Friday night, but the most alluring piece of temptation on my mind right now is sleep!

Then again, I already know me. As tired as I am right now, once I’m out being charming and funny, I’ll get my second wind. I think it’s just the office building itself draining the life out of me like some kind of evil succubus spider b*tch. We’ll see in a half-hour or so…

I Was The First Black Member of Menudo

Now there’s photographic proof! A lot of you didn’t believe me when I blogged about Ricky Martin’s treachery, but now you have visual evidence that my harrowing tale was true! My nemesis of “She Bangs” fame, shot down my dreams of superstardom. Now he’s living la vida loca, and I’m sitting here at a computer in DC, plotting my comeback.

*In my best Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget voice* I’ll get you, Ricky Martin!!!

Oh yeah, to any actual glitter pants wearing Menudo members out there, please don’t sue me. These are just jokes!