How Many Of You Played With Your Balls As A Kid?

I did! This commercial brought back memories!!! Madballs were from the “Garbage Pail Kids” era of gross-out toys.

This Commercial Still Makes Me Laugh

…Mainly because I actually talk to women like this when I’m out. This guy reminds me of me…and my ego! Here’s to Old Spice, for capturing the essence of ListenToLeon without having consulted me once! I’ve actually been meaning to write about this since the Super Bowl, but I’m just now getting around to it.

“I’m on a horse.”

George Washington: The Ghetto Trendsetter

Legend has it, George Washington had a set of wooden teeth. My friends, it does not get any more gangsta than that! While most people were worried about plaque and gingivitis, George was battling termites and splinters! This whole topic of conversation came up yesterday on Twitter as my friend Areefuh Stanklin claimed that George Washington’s lace front wig is better than Beyonce’s. Or shall I say, George Washington’s powdered wig. Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe. Whatever the case, our first President was quite the trendsetter for generations of ghetto-ass Americans to come.

It turns out that the rumors were as false as GW’s teeth. George Washington did not have wooden dentures. His fake teeth were made of ivory and gold. Therefore, that meant his grill made him something like the Lil’ Wayne of Founding Fathers. The man also wore wigs flamboyant enough to be featured in any of this year’s black hair shows. I can almost it now: A model strolling the catwalk wearing a revealing outfit with her George Washington ‘do, as some flamboyant stylist yells out “You are FIERCE! Work it bitch!”

George Washington has already gone down in history for many things: War hero; First President; Toothless Slave Owner; The Guy On The Quarter AND The Dollar. The list goes on and on. I say we honor him with one more accolade: Trendsetter For Tacky People.

A New Business Card Design

I need your help, people! I’m almost out of ListenToLeon.net cards, and I would like your input. Above is the old card design, in all it’s Parental Advisory sticker glory. You can also see a design that didn’t quite cut it, but may get turned into a sticker. I found out that I can get stickers made for the same price as new cards, so now I am faced with the following questions, which I’d like to get your feedback on in the comments section:

• Do I get cards, stickers, or both?
• Would people find the Michael Jackson inspired image in my header amusing on a card or sticker?
• Should I make a small run of the little dog humping the big dog image into stickers once I’ve cleaned up my sloppy drawing in Photoshop?
• The only other idea for a drawing that I can think of is a cartoon version of my face on an angel & devil, with them beating the crap out of each other. Is that funny to you at all?
• Do you have any other ideas for business card images? I want something that instantly says “This is funny” and draws people in.

Thanks in advance for your input.

Even When I’m Not An Ass, I’m An Ass

Even when I’m trying to do the right thing, I can’t help but be a jerk. The perfect example of this came on Wednesday night. I worked late, so I ended up checking out this lounge up the street from my office. While there, I met a tall, slim, beautiful young lady who was in an unusual predicament. The zipper on her tiny little lady purse was stuck on a part of her shirt. I was forced to make a decision: Do I help her out? Or do I make jokes?     Read the rest of this entry »

How I Spent My Tuesday Night

Black Dynamite DVD + Big ass can of MGD = Hood Paradise! This is how I spent last night: surrounded by cheap beer and laughs for days. Sometimes, it’s all about the simple things in life.

Guess What I’m Giving Up For Lent

I need a true test of my willpower. A few months ago, I gave up drinking soda. I now stand before you, soda-free. A life-long addiction, crushed like a cupcake some fat motherf*cker accidentally sat on. Behold the strength and testicular fortitude of the one they call Leon!

Everybody is talking about what they’re giving up for lent, but right now, I can only think of two vices worth sacrificing for my overall well-being. The first vice is beer, since that’s bad for me anydamnway. The second is jerking off.  Read the rest of this entry »