Someone Tried To Steal My Identity

My bank card was stolen on Friday night. Usually, that’s not a laughing matter, but I have to give it to whoever the thief was: he or she had one hell of a night with it!

Once I realized my card was gone, I did some research and made a few phone calls. My findings were that someone ran up a $122 tab that night at some restaurant or bar in DC(most likely the Adams Morgan area). I then logged off the internet, and logged on the nigga-net, to ask a few questions.

I have come to these conclusions about the thief: Read the rest of this entry »

This Haiti Video

I usually don’t post stuff like this, since my site is comedic in nature. Still, the human suffering in Haiti has been on my mind every day since the earthquake hit. On one hand, it’s great to see this kid being rescued after 7 days trapped beneath a building. On the other hand, it makes you think about how many other people weren’t so lucky. It’s hard to even say the word “lucky” when you consider that kid has been trapped for days, but I guess when you think about the alternative, the term definitely applies.

I just felt like I should write something about what’s going on over there, since I haven’t. My prayers are still with the people of Haiti and their families.

My Refrigerator Is NSFW

My refrigerator is decorated with Obama and ass. Click here if you don’t believe me(slightly NSFW). I live down the street from a strip club, so booty fliers get littered throughout the neighborhood. Since unsolicited ass is literally being littered about, why not be creative with it? This was not my original idea, but I think that I have taken the seedy strip club flier torch, and run with it quite impressively!   Read the rest of this entry »

Clitter

This video amused me highly. Therefore, I must share it. Enjoy!

Open Letter To Gilbert Arenas

Dear Gilbert Arenas,

I could not help but hear about your recent legal troubles. I am a fan of yours, and I’m always going to wish nothing but the best for you and your career. That said, I am a comedian, humorist, shit-talker, or whatever you want to call it. That’s why I’m about to hit you with a Muhammad Ali flurry of jokes over this nonsense. Hope your sense of humor is still intact. If not, you’re a tall, rich motherf*cker. You’ll get over it…

Gilbert, I know you’ve been asked this a million times already, but what the Hell were you thinking?! You can’t work at McDonalds and bring guns to work, let alone the NBA! I already know that if I brought a gun in to work, I’d get fired, arrested and possibly placed on an FBI terrorist watch list.     Read the rest of this entry »

Break Your New Years Resolution

My gym is more crowded than ever these days. Am I wrong for hoping more people start to taper off from their New Years fitness resolutions so I can have a little elbow room? It may be selfish of me to feel this way, but if it’ll keep me from having to wait to use exercise equipment, you can go ahead and call me what you want. I don’t mind sharing things and working in with other people, but it gets ridiculous after a certain point.

Plus, I can’t lie, there are two new young ladies that go to my gym now that are flat-out beautiful. Well, two and a possible, because one has good days and bad days. Before, I was used to seeing all of the pretty people, so they were no longer distractions. Now, I find myself glancing at ass from time to time between sets. I know that’s totally my issue with focus and self discipline, but I’m saying…

To all of you who made New Years resolutions for 2010: good luck with that. That is, unless you go to my gym. If that’s the case, I still love you but I want you to fail miserably so I can return to my nice little overpriced gym comfort zone.

By the way, that photo is hilarious to me. Ladies, I don’t care how good you look, if I catch you in the gym working out in stripper heels and baby oil, I’m making fun of you. It’s as simple as that.

We’ll Miss You Teddy Pendergrass

The world just lost one of the greatest voices in the history of Soul music. Teddy Pendergrass was a truly one-of-a-kind talent whose work I grew up hearing on a regular basis thanks to my mother. Hell, Teddy is probably indirectly responsible for me being conceived, along with half of you all out there reading this. The man could YELL the panties off of a woman, without it being creepy or scary. That, my friends, is impressive! I bet if I hollered out “COME HERE WOMAN!” at the top of my lungs to someone, I’d catch some kind of charge.     Read the rest of this entry »