How do you top writing your name in the snow in pee? There’s only one way: by creating performance art! I used my creative gifts as well as my oh-so-formidable anatomical ones to attempt to make a smiley face on Thursday night. Although it’s not perfect, you have to be impressed by the stop-start action I possess with my f*ck stick. Kegel exercises FTW!!!
As you already know, I’ve had a number of run-ins with panhandlers in the DC area. I even wrote a guide to help them in their begging. I mean, we’re in a recession, and I know I’m an approachable-looking guy, so I’m kind of used to it. Still, there are always those occasions where someone asks me for money and says something so utterly ridiculous that I have to share the story with people. This particular entry is about one of them.
I was coming home from the gym last month, and instead of eating something healthy like I should have, I decided that I wanted some jerk chicken from Sweet Mangos. On my way in, a guy asks me for money to get home. I said “If I have some change on the way out, yeah.” I was feeling good, and it was around Christmas time, so I guess the spirit of giving was in me.
That spirit quickly left once that guy followed me in, counted and said “I need about $3 if you have it. That looks like a you got a five. I can give you two dollars in quarters…” Read the rest of this entry »
For those unaware, Washington DC has begun taxing shoppers $.05 per bag for every paper or plastic bag they get from a store. It’s meant to reduce pollution and waste, but as with anything else in this city, I suspect it’s also lining someone’s pocket somewhere. I mean, you already saw how I feel about meter maids. They say that the money is going to fund the cleanup of the Anacostia River, but until I see otherwise, I’m assuming some of the proceeds are going to Adrian Fenty’s fedora fund, or Marion Barry’s legal defense team.
The goal of this is to get consumers to bring reusable bags with them, and Giant in Columbia Heights is taking advantage of this in a major way. Giant is giving customers reusable grocery bags with their purchase, until January 7. It’s brilliant because it got me to buy some stuff from there last night, plus, I’ll be walking around giving them free advertising next time I go shopping since they provided the reusable bags.
There are only 2 days left to get your reusable bags from Giant for the price of nothing, so I suggest you get yourself over there and buy some groceries. That is, unless you’re cool with donating at least $.05 to the “Buy Jim Graham Some New Tangerine Spectacles” foundation every time you shop.
I also wonder if this will lead to an increase in shoplifting. When you encourage everyone in the city to start bringing bags into stores, it’s only a matter of time before the more sticky-fingered residents of DC begin to take advantage of it. I wonder if the city took that into consideration at all. I guess only time will tell as far as that goes.
I know that I’m 4 days late with my list of my best entries from 2009, but it’s finally here. I may not come when you call, but I’m always right on time. Even when I’m running behind schedule. Don’t think to question this logic; just listen to Leon, as the URL of this very site suggests.
I’ve painstakingly looked through an entire year’s worth of funny content, so if you’re looking to be productive at work on this first Monday of the New Year, I apologize in advance. You ain’t getting sh*t done. You’ll be too busy laughing. The list is after the break. You may as well bookmark the page now, because there are a LOT of entries listed… Read the rest of this entry »
I finally decided to give the T-Pain iPhone/iPod Touch app a try yesterday while taking a break from folding laundry. As always, I am sharing the ridiculous results with you all. Three words: ONE TAKE, MOTHERF*CKERS!!! You’re welcome. Enjoy!
This Washington Wizards post-game press conference was great, for the simple fact that it’s refreshing to get this kind of brutal honesty these days. Flip Saunders has had it up to HERE!!!
Actually, his “HERE” and my “HERE” are probably two different places, because I’m pretty sure he’s much taller than me. Still, you get what I’m saying. TELL ‘EM WHY YOU MAD, FLIP!!!
Speaking of the Washington Wizards, I have two(maybe 4) tickets for sale to this Saturday’s home game against the San Antonio Spurs. Let me know if you’re interested. This doesn’t count as ticket scalping, does it? They’re not luxury court side seats, so I hope I don’t have to hire a lawyer thanks to this entry.
I’m sorry, but this OJ Simpson holiday card is hilarious to me! This is obviously from back in the pre-double homicide days, when people actually liked “The Juice.” I wonder if OJ was the one who took a knife to that meat, or if he’s still searching for “the real killer”?
Was that murderer joke in poor taste? 1994 was a long time ago, so I think I’ve waited long enough for it to be not quite 100% offensive. Either way, enjoy the unintentional hilarity of this photo as you get ready for the New Year.
